


Pines and Plaid

by Jessymessy101



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Architect Castiel (Supernatural), Christmas, Christmas Decorations, Christmas Tree, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Family Drama, Farmer Dean Winchester, Legal Drama, M/M, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, Small Towns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2020-09-02 10:57:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 47,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20274787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessymessy101/pseuds/Jessymessy101
Summary: Christmas in New York was magical, the lights covering the buildings, so tall they disappeared into the grey winters sky. There was a Santa on every street corner, some were collecting for local charities whilst the odd few were just drunks looking to make a quick buck. Castiel chose to walk right by them all as he pushed through the crowds of tourists gawping at the decorated windows. He mostly hated Christmas!When Cas is forced to return home to his father's Christmas Tree farm he doesn't expect to be there long and he certainly never expected he'd end up wanting to stay. It definitely had nothing to do with the green eyed farm hand lugging a Christmas Tree over his head.





	1. Christmas in New York

Christmas in New York was magical, the lights covering the buildings, so tall they disappeared into the grey winters sky. There was a Santa on every street corner, some were collecting for local charities whilst the odd few were just drunks looking to make a quick buck. Castiel chose to walk right by them all as he pushed through the crowds of tourists gawping at the decorated windows. 

He mostly hated Christmas and especially Christmas in New York, there were more people than usual and all of them were there to shop for presents or go skating at rockefella centre. Cas was just coming up to the huge Christmas tree towering over the ice rink. It was like a kick in the teeth for someone who hated the festive season. It was only made worse by the fact he could see it from the window of his office, the flashing lights from the tree kept him permanently distracted from his work. Once he was inside his building and away from the crowds he physically relaxed letting his shoulders slump as he climbed into the elevator heading up to his floor. He glared at the speaker in the corner that was pumping out cheery Christmas tunes, if he heard one more rendition of deck the halls he was going to smash something. 

The doors opened up to a thinly decorated office. It wasn’t that the bosses didn’t like decorations but there had been a company wide email limiting the amount of decorations per desk so it didn’t distract anyone nearby. Cas had been quietly grateful for this, although having his own private office meant he could escape the festivities completely. Except for his assistant Jess who had badgered him into letting her decorate her desk any which was she pleased. He was regretting it as he rounded the corner and the distinct 'ho, ho ho' from an automated santa started dancing on the corner of the desk. 

“Morning Castiel, boss wants to see you when you’re ready” A cheery voice came from Jess as he passed her desk, knocking over the obnoxious Santa as he headed to his office. 

"Hey, dont hurt Santa" She raced round and picked up the toy stroking its hat back into place. 

“I hate Santa, Now have I had any messages?” It wasn’t early morning because Cas had decided to get some work done at home this morning to save him from the Christmas spirit flashing through his office window. 

“Someone called Bobby rang he didn’t say what it was about but he said it was important, he left his number” Cas froze at the mention of Bobby’s name. 

“Hold my calls, and can I have that number please” He asked taking a step toward her desk, taking a piece of paper from her he slipped into his office and closed the door with a firm understanding not to be disturbed. 

Cas was grateful for the private office, it meant he could block out the rest of the noise from his co-workers and focus on getting his work done. At this moment it meant he could have a mild panic attack without the prying eyes of his colleagues. The twinkling lights from the tree outside were beginning to give him a headache so with some aggression he pulled the blinds closed nearly pulling the string off the wall. The paper in his hand felt heavy as he sunk into his chair and twirled the number around looking back and forth between the neatly written numbers and the phone sitting on his desk. It had been five years since he’d been home and he hadn’t exactly left on a good note. Sucking in a deep breath he picked up the receiver and dialled the short few numbers letting the paper drop to the desk as he listened to the ringing, each ring sent a wave of anxiety through his chest. He didn’t have time to dwell on it though before a gruff voice appeared on the line. 

“Singers autos” The familiarity of Bobby’s voice stung at Cas’ conscience, he had been thinking about home recently and how he had left things, he was older now and knew a bit more about the world. 

“Hello, Bobby…its Castiel” He hesitated as he spoke his name, partly out of fear of how Bobby would react but he was the one trying to contact Cas. 

“I’m glad you called, lad, its your dad” At the mention of his father Cas froze, he hadn’t spoken to his dad in over a year, his dad had tried to call him a couple of times in the last few months but Cas was always too busy to call him back or so he convinced himself. In truth he was terrified of what his dad might say to him. 

“You there, boy?” Bobby’s voice broke the silence again pulling Cas back to reality. 

“Yeah, sorry I’m listening, what about dad? Is everything okay?” Suddenly the panic kicked in as a deep sinking feeling suddenly hit him. 

“I’m so sorry, boy” Bobby didn’t need to say anything else he knew exactly what that tone was, it was the same tone Cas had heard Bobby use the day his mother had died and he was the one to break the news to him because his dad was in no fit state after that. 

“He’s dead isn’t he?” Cas didn’t need it confirming, if anything he didn’t want Bobby to say the words because then it would be real and Cas wouldn’t have to feel so damn guilty right now. 

“I was calling to let you know the funeral is on friday, gives you time to get back down here…I know you’re busy Cas so before you say anything just remember he was your dad no matter what happened between you boys its no use holding a grudge now” Cas knew Bobby was right on both counts, he was busy but he couldn’t miss his father’s funeral that wouldn’t be right. 

“I’ll book a flight this afternoon, I’ll be home by tomorrow evening” and with that Cas hung up, it may seem brash to some people to just hang up on someone like that but they had an understanding and he knew Bobby wouldn’t be mad at him not after the news he’d just received. 

Cas sighed deeply and leant back as far as he could in his chair letting the information wash over him. The rage was building up inside him creeping up threatening to spill over, before he realised what had happened Jess was at the door with a look of terror and worry on her face. She looked between Cas and the broken lamp that now lay in pieces on the floor by the opposite wall. 

“Cas what happened are you alright!” She sounded worried and it only added to his guilt, he didn’t deserve that kind of sympathy he was a screw up of a son, he didn’t deserve her worry. 

“I need you to book me a flight for first thing tomorrow morning, a return if possible” Cas jumped straight back into business mode, he wasn’t being too demanding because Jess already looked concerned so he kept his tone soft. 

“Where are you going?” Jess asked making notes in her little pad. 

“Home” Cas simply replied as he began picking up the pieces of the broken lamp.


	2. Coming home

By the next morning Cas was on a plane heading home. Jess was snoring in the seat beside him. Once she learnt about his father’s death she had insisted on coming along as moral support and according to Jess he cant even make a cup of coffee without her. There was no arguing with her once she had an idea in her head so here they were entering through the arrivals terminal scanning the crowd for the familiar baseball cap and overalls. 

“Cas!” He snapped his head in the direction of the familiar voice and spotted Bobby through the crowd holding up a big sign that read ‘Castiel’, its not like he had a common name so no risk of picking up a random stranger also called Castiel. 

“Hey Bobby” Cas approached putting his bag down and accepting the offer of a brief hug from the man. 

“It’s been too long, but I’m glad you decided to come home” Bobby picked up Cas’ bag and lead the way out towards his truck. “So who’s this?” He asked pointing at Jess who was smiling a bright beam of a smile at being noticed. 

“This is Jess, she’s my assistant” Cas added gaining him a scrupulous look from Bobby. 

“You brought your assistant! For a minute there I thought you’d finally found yourself someone to settle down with,” Bobby joked giving Cas a playful nudge of the shoulder. 

“Not really my area,” Cas muttered as they reached the truck. 

Bobby just smirked at him as he threw his bag into the flatbed of the truck. Cas and Jess climbed into the front, it was a tight squeeze and Cas grumbled as Bobby climbed into the drivers seat but he only received a chuckle and another nudge from the older man. 

It was another hour drive to the small town where Cas had grown up and as they drove out away from the airport the buildings became fewer and the fields stretched wider. Cas was nervous that’s for sure, he hadn’t been home in such a long time. He didn’t suppose much had changed in that time, people he once knew had grown older some had probably married by now and had kids, not that there were many kids his age growing up. The lack of kids his age made it that much harder for little Castiel to make friends, the ones that were around didn’t like him much because they thought he was strange. Quiet and imaginative, his dad always described him as, while his mom used to say he was away with the fairies a lot. Cas liked his own company and the local kids soon caught on to that. Some were crueller than others but mostly they kept out his way. 

It wasn’t long before the familiar ‘Shurley farm’, sign hanging over the long dirt driveway came into view, it felt like only yesterday he was packing his bags to jet off to New York. After his mom died it had just been Cas and their dad living on the farm and it’s not like his dad was really there a whole lot. Chuck had taken to the local bar, ‘The Roadhouse’, run by his friend Ellen, who coincidentally had ended up marrying Bobby not long after he husband died. Some say they had secretly been seeing each other for a while but that was just small town here say. Chuck would spend a lot of time at the roadhouse, most nights as a matter of fact and he wouldn’t be home till morning. Ellen had taken to calling Bobby on the nights Chuck would get so drunk he couldn’t walk and it soon became second nature to find Bobby making him breakfast before school on a morning. Cas was forever grateful to the guy, who had his own problems to worry about, but still managed to keep a roof over their heads and food in his stomach. 

“Here we are, home sweet home,” Bobby announced as he pulled the truck to a halt in front of the three bedroomed farmhouse. His dad had built it from scratch mostly made with the trees he’d cut down to make way for their crop of pine trees, the family business. 

“So what exactly do you farm here?” Jess asked as she jumped down from the truck swinging a bag over her shoulder and surveying her surroundings. 

“Take a look for yourself” Bobby chuckled as he pointed out over the horizon. 

Jess wandered round the truck and her eyes grew wide as she looked out across the fields that seemed to stretch to the edge of the earth. Cas knew it only reached the bottom of the hill but the way it sloped did give it that never-ending feel. As a kid he used to look out over the pine trees and wonder just how many there were, he had tried to count them one night sitting at his bedroom window but would never lasted long enough before he drifted off. 

“Christmas trees!” Jess all but squealed. It was common knowledge that she loved Christmas, if her desk at work was anything to go by, it looked like a Christmas bomb had landed on top of her.

“Pine trees technically, of varying breeds” Cas explained with a deadpan, he hadn’t shared the same excitement for Christmas since he was a kid. Since his mother had died. 

“Come on you two lets get you settled in, I promised Ellen she could make you dinner tonight she’s been dying to see you again” Bobby slapped a hand over Cas’ shoulder as he lead them both inside. 

It wasn’t like Cas wasn’t happy to be home, but a part of him felt like it hadn’t been home in a long time, even before he’d left for New York. 

“Sounds good, I’ve missed her cooking” Cas commented finally feeling a little more relaxed. 

As they went inside it was exactly as Cas remembered it, maybe a few changes in decorations some new photos lining the wall of faces he didn’t recognise or pay too much mind to but overall the layout was the same. There was the kitchen to left, living room off to the right with the stairs leading up to his old bedroom. 

“Alright Jess, I’ve set you up in the spare bedroom down the hall there, Bobby pointed to the back corridor leading off from the back of the living room. From memory Cas knew there was a bedroom and small bathroom down there that they hardly ever used when he was a kid, except for the nights Bobby ended up staying over to make sure Chuck was okay. “Cas I’ll put your stuff in Chucks room” Bobby said before heading for the stairs. 

“Wait, why dad’s room, cant I just use my room?” Cas asked looking a little startled. 

“Oh right yeah, I forgot to tell you, your dad hired on a local lad from town around a year ago when he first started getting sick, he needed more help on the farm so he put him up in your room…its not like you were using it” Bobby added hesitantly not sure how Cas would take the comment. 

“A hired hand, but why didn’t he say something, he could have called or sent me an email I would have helped” Bobby gave him a questioning look with a slight smirk. 

“You forget, he did call you, and lets be honest here Cas as much as I love you, I think of you like a son, you’ve not been the best in keeping in contact over the years” Bobby was right and Cas knew it in his heart and he knew he was just trying to cover up his own wrong doings by blaming everyone else, but its all he knew how to do. 

“Come on lets get you set up shall we” Bobby went for the stairs again but Cas stopped him once more. 

“Actually Bobby, I’ll take the couch, not sure I’m ready to sleep in dad’s bed just yet” Cas looked over at the three seater sofa in the living room and dumped his laptop bag down on the coffee table. 

“Right then, I’ll just go get Ellen then she’ll be eager to see you” They settled into a short uncomfortable silence before Bobby grunted something under his breath that Cas didn’t quite catch and he was gone before he could ask. 

………………………………………………..

Cas must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew he was laying on the sofa and three hours had passed. The house was silent as he sat up and looked around, Jess must have fallen asleep as well he thought, they had gotten up pretty early that morning. There was no sign of Bobby or Ellen when he wandered into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of orange juice he’d found in the fridge. It looked like someone must be living here because there were still breakfast dishes washed and drying on the rack. Then Cas remembered what Bobby said about the hired hand. 

It was then he spotted what looked like his dad’s old truck kicking up the dust in the Christmas tree fields and it was headed his way. Cas slipped his jacket on and took a few steps off the front porch following the dust cloud to keep track of the truck, it seemed to stop in front of the barn so he made the short walk over to investigate. When he reached the barn door it was open just a crack and he could hear someone inside. 

“Hello?” He etched further into the space and his eyes fell on the back of a tall plaid wearing man who was using the tree netting machine and pulling one of the smaller trees through with such grace and ease like he’d done it a million times before. It reminded him of when he used to watch his dad at the Christmas market after helping a family pick out the perfect tree for their front rooms. Cas shook the memory away taking a step closer to the man who obviously hadn’t heard him the first time. As he approached the man he was placing another tree in the metal contraption ready to pull it through the netting. Clearly he had no idea Cas was stood behind him because as he pulled the tree he slammed the top of it right into Castiel’s side, Cas naturally cried out on impact. 

“Woah, watch where you’re jabbing that tree!” Cas barked at the guy who spun round in surprise dropping the tree half netted onto the floor. 

“What the hell man! You were sneaking up on me,” The man snapped back and Cas finally looked up at the man after frantically brushing pine needles off his jacket. He was startled to a halt as he locked eyes with the most beautiful green eyes he’d ever seen. They almost matched the colour of the pine tree that now sat on the floor between them. This man was handsome in a rugged country sort of a way, his scruffy five o’clock shadow made him look older than he probably was and the plaid fur lined coat gave him the ultimate cowboy look. Cas wouldn’t admit it out loud but this guy was the kind of hot you only read about in saucy novels written for lonely women. 

“I wasn’t sneaking, you just didn’t hear me” Cas looked down as his feet as his scuffed the dirt under his shoe. 

“What are you even doing in here?” The man asked the confusion evident on his face. 

“I was just up at the house and I saw you driving my dad’s old truck so I came to see…why are you looking at me like that?” Cas looked back up at the man who was now smirking at him with what Cas thought was the briefest sparkle in his eye. 

“You’re Castiel right?” The man asked and now Cas was the one looking confused. 

“Yeah, and you are?” He exaggerated the last word waiting for the man to answer. He could have sworn the man looked a little disappointed for a moment but it was so brief he couldn't tell if it was just his mind playing tricks on him. 

“The names Dean, your dad let me use his truck from time to time I figured it wouldn’t be an issue” Dean explained suddenly the sparkle was gone from his eyes and he looked dejected as he glanced out the door at the truck he’d left parked there. “Look, man, I just wanted to say I’m sorry about your dad…I know you guys weren’t exactly talking but he did care…” Dean was cut off when Cas snapped his eyes towards him with a look that could kill. 

“What makes you think you know anything about it?” He snapped a little more than he had internally wanted but something about the way he spoke about his dad triggered something in him. Who was this guy to tell him what his dad thought or how his father felt towards him. 

“No offence intended, I just saw the other side of it that’s all” Dean added in a soft voice trying not to offend Cas any more. 

“You saw nothing, whatever you think you know, forget it! You don’t know the first thing about my dad and you certainly don’t know me!” Cas didn’t wait for a reply he took the opportunity to make a dramatic exit and stormed out slamming the barn door as he went. 

Dean took a deep breath staring at the space Cas had just stormed through shaking his head softly his composure spoke nothing of surprise. Maybe he was expecting that reaction. Regardless, he had work to do, he picked up the fallen tree and pulled it the rest of the way through, grabbing his pocketknife and cutting off the netting.


	3. Dinner and a Deal

Cas was pissed, who did this Dean think he was? He didn’t know him at all and he had the nerve to tell him how his father felt! 

“What a joke!” He muttered as he trudged through the dirt back up to the house. However, he couldn’t stay mad for long as he saw Bobby’s truck reappearing down the track complete with Ellen beaming from the passenger seat as she spotted him from the window, she waved manically at him and squealed as she jumped out the cab running towards him with her arms open wide. 

“Castiel! Oh my boy it is good to see you!” She engulfed him in her arms and held him tight against her slightly shorter frame. From her height she could just about rest her chin on his shoulder pulling him as close as she could. 

“Good to see you too Ellen” Cas wouldn’t lie this felt nice, it had been a long time since anyone had held him like this, it reminded him of his mother and it sent a wave of emotion through him as it all suddenly hit him. Suddenly everything that had happened up until this very moment ran through his mind. He didn’t just mean finding out about his dad but everything. From the day he left, all the missed calls and broken promises of coming home to visit and then ignoring his father. Cas pulled away but Ellen kept a firm grasp of his upper arm holding him in place. The tears stung in his eyes as he tried to sniff them back. “Oh my boy, what’s wrong?” Ellen fretted about him pulling a tissue from her pocket and gently dabbing away the tears that were now falling free. She was such a mother, Cas thought, a small chuckle escaped his lips. 

“I’ve missed you, Ellen, I’ve missed so much” Cas added as an after thought looking around him at the vast open landscape with his fathers life’s work planted for as far as the eye could see. 

“You’re home now, that’s all that matters” Ellen spoke softly pulling him close again this time she did it with much more care and attention, almost as if she pulled him too close he might break. “Now come on, wipe those tears, I’m making your favourite for dinner” She slapped him on the back and pushed him lightly towards the door, Cas half laughed half sobbed to the door wiping away the last of the tears. 

……………………………………………………………

The smell coming from the kitchen was close to perfection. Cas had been banished to the couch until it was ready, Ellen hated having people in her kitchen when she was ‘making magic’. So he was sulking on the couch going through his emails from work to pass the time. 

His laptop pinged as a new email came through. He smiled as he saw the name, Balthazar, the handsome executive who worked two offices down from Cas’ who had the sexiest British accent and the most piercing blue eyes he’d ever seen. 

From: Balthazar   
To: Castiel  
Subject: Project

Hey Cassie,

We really need your designs for the new development by the end of this week, I know you’re in the back end of nowhere right now but could use some help here. Also have you managed to find a location yet, Crowley is really breathing down my neck over here.

Cheers bud,

Balthazar. 

Cas sighed closing down the email. He had nearly finished the designs but he kept going back to them, something didn’t feel right and if anything he was a perfectionist. Balthazar would have to wait for them. As if he heard his name, Cas’ phone started ringing, looking down at the caller ID he laughed quietly to himself before sliding the green button across. 

“I was just reading your email” Cas answered, usually he’d start with hello, it was only polite but they had a good working relationship and Balthazar wasn’t one to be offended by social niceties not being used. 

“Great, so when am I going to see those designs?” Balthazar laughed over the phone it was kind of cold but that’s just who he was, Cas thought. 

“Just need a bit more time, they’ll be with you by the end of the week I just have a few things I need to sort out here first” Cas got up from the couch and snuck past the kitchen onto the front porch. 

“What could be more important than me Cassie?” Cas sighed pulling his cardigan close as he’d forgotten to grab his coat and it was getting colder in the evenings. 

“It’s not like that Balthazar, I’ve got my dad’s funeral to get through and I still need to figure out what I’m going to do with this place” Cas looked out over the trees and let the cold air swirl his breath out into the world. 

“Ah yes, the big farm! How many acres is it?” Balthazar asked something in his voice caught Cas’ attention. 

“Not sure exactly, around five or six acres at a guess and that’s not including the buildings on site, where are you going with this?” Cas asked suddenly feeling something clench his gut. 

“Well, you need rid of some land, I need to obtain some land, it’s a win win situation here Cassie” Balthazar ever the businessman. 

“I don’t know, man dad worked this land his whole life, and besides I don’t even know if he’s left it to me or not” Cas added suddenly realising that his father wasn’t even in the ground yet and here he was negotiating selling off his entire life’s work. 

“Tell you what, you go to funeral say your goodbyes and I’ll draw up a contract just in case old pops did in fact leave his entire fortune to his only son and you can call me when you know” Balthazar was persistent he’ll give him that. 

“I’ll think about it” Cas didn’t want to wait for a response much like when he answered he didn’t say goodbye as he hung up and let his arm fall limp by his side. He let out another deep breath and looked at the horizon. 

“What was that all about?” The voice snapped Cas back and he turned to find Dean standing at the bottom of the steps leading up to the porch. He was dirtier than when he saw him earlier that afternoon and was covered in pine needles. 

“Nothing, just a work thing” Dean nodded taking that as a good enough answer. 

“Your dad said you’re an architect, what sort of buildings do you design?” Dean asked hopping up the few steps with ease and coming to a halt too close in Cas’ personal space for his liking. He could smell the pine needles coming off him now mixed with sweat and mud. Cas furrowed his brow at the man in front of him. 

“I develop new housing for small town developments” Dean pursed his lips and nodded as if it left a bad taste in his mouth. Maybe he had caught a whiff of himself Cas thought. 

“So you take big ugly houses and you plonk them in the middle of a peaceful community just minding its business” Dean added and it took Cas back slightly, what would he know about it anyway. 

“Well you may see it that way but in actual fact it brings more money to an area therefore helping a community” Cas defended, not that he truly believed that himself but he wasn’t going to let Dean win. 

“You keep telling yourself that” Dean nodded at Cas before heading for the house, at the door he politely took of his muddy boots and strolled inside like he owned the place. 

“Assbutt!” Cas shouted after him knowing full well Dean could hear him and it only enraged him more when Dean didn’t respond with anything other than a wink over his shoulder. 

He couldn’t dwell on it though as Ellen was calling him for dinner. 

They were soon all seated around the dining table, Bobby at one end Ellen at the other with Jess seated beside Castiel and a place was set for Dean opposite Jess on the other side. The plate was there but Dean had wandered off upstairs to Castiel’s room, he had to remind himself that Dean lived there now. Hopefully he was taking a shower at the very least. 

“Dean said to start without him, so dig in guys you must be starving” Bobby announced passing a plate of mashed potato over to Jess who took it with a smile. 

“So Jess, what’s Cas like for a boss, I hope he’s good to you” Ellen started trying to strike up casual conversation with the young girl. 

“Oh he’s the best! He’s recently given me the opportunity to design one of the rooms for the show home he’s developing, he also lets me decorate my desk however I want for the holidays” Jess added with a laugh and a nudge to Cas’ shoulder. “Cas isn’t one for Christmas cheer are you boss,” She laughed looking around at the slightly surprised looks at the table. 

“Really, I’m surprised to hear that, Cas used to be the first to volunteer to decorate the tree” Ellen added looking over at Bobby for confirmation. 

“Oh no not Cas, he wont even have one of those Christmas coffee cups from starbucks," Jess laughed not really sensing the sudden change of atmosphere in the room. 

“Cas? You love Christmas” Bobby asked him slight concern in his voice. 

“I loved Christmas, past tense, not really had much to celebrate the last couple of years” Cas didn’t want to be the person to drag up painful history but they started it. 

No one was able to finish their thoughts as Dean came bounding into the room with damp hair and a new outfit, a smart looking button down purple shirt and a pair of worn jeans. Cas couldn’t stop starring. 

“What’d I miss?” Dean asked taking his seat and wasting no time digging in. 

“We were just talking about Christmas” Jess chimed in trying to lighten the mood again. 

“Oh perfect, Cas, I actually wanted to talk to you about that, now I don’t know how long you’re planning on sticking around but I was hoping you’d be able to help me net up some trees for the Christmas market this weekend” Dean paused swallowing the mouthful of chicken he’d been chewing whilst talking. “Ever since your dad passed I’ve been trying to keep up with the orders but its tricky when its just me” Dean didn’t want to sound pushy or manipulative he was simply stating the facts. 

“You’re still going to sell the trees?” Cas asked as he huffed out a confused laugh. 

“Well yeah, your dad would have wanted us to keep this place running” 

“There you go again,” Cas muttered loud enough for Dean to hear him. 

“I know this is hard for you right now but these are all things we need to talk about” Dean interjected but was cut off when Cas slammed his cutlery down on the table with a crash. 

“You know nothing! You don’t know how I feel, or what my dad would have wanted, now I get you’ve been here for all of a year and you’ve quite clearly made yourself at home playing adoptive son to my family but you don’t know a damn thing about me and as much as you think you knew my dad you’re wrong! My dad was an alcoholic deadbeat who was overjoyed at the prospect of me leaving because it meant he wouldn’t have to deal with his disappointment of a son!” Cas took a deep breath his face was burning and the tears stung his eyes as he took in Dean’s heavy features. “I cant do this I’m sorry I have to go” Cas suddenly jumped up from the table ignoring the pleas from Ellen as he went. 

“Someone should go after him” Ellen spoke softly directing it at Bobby. 

“I’ll go, its me he’s mad at anyway” Dean got up from the table but Bobby’s strong hand pulled him back down. 

“Sit down ya idjit!” Bobby glared at him holding his hand firmly over Dean’s arm. 

“I’ll go” Jess spoke up softly before excusing herself from the table and following after Cas. 

Dean sat in uncomfortable silence suddenly he didn’t feel very hungry. He didn’t mean to upset the guy. “Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed him,” Dean muttered but the soft squeeze of Bobby’s hand filled him with reassurance. 

“Don’t be hard on yourself Dean, you’re right we do need to discuss these things, but maybe wait till after the funeral once we know what Chuck wanted for this place” Bobby was right and Dean knew it, it didn’t help his guilt though, he just wished Cas would be able to forgive him. 

……………………………………………..

Jess wandered through the darkness the last sliver of sunlight was all that illuminated her path as she made her way out into the pine trees. She’d seen Cas dart out the front door and as she grew closer to the tree line she could hear the silent sobs coming from nearby. It lead her to a clearing in the trees and a small bench where she found Cas sitting with his head in his hands and the audible sobs struck her right in the heart. 

“Cas, is it okay if I sit?” She asked hesitantly hovering over the bench beside him not wanting to push him to talk if he didn’t want to. 

“I’m so sorry for dragging you into this mess” Cas muttered into his hands. 

“If you remember I volunteered for this mess, besides I figured you’d need a friend when you faced them all again” She took his responding to her as invitation to sit down beside him, she crossed her arms and looked out into the trees surrounding them in a circle the smell was so strong as the breeze swept by them. “Nice place you got her” She smiled softly. 

“Try growing up here, the novelty soon wears off” Cas hated how dejected he sounded but he couldn’t help it this place hadn’t felt like home in a long time. 

“I bet it was magical, I’ve always been a city girl so the idea of a small town life is so romantic to me” She hummed to herself. 

“Magical, romantic, you’re going to run out of words for your next trashy novel if you talk like that” Cas mocked not entirely bitterly. 

“You’re such a scrooge and I’m not just talking about Christmas” she nudged him playfully, her face fell as she tiptoed around the next topic. “So, Dean, did you have to bark at the guy like that” Cas glared at her in response rubbing his hands together to keep from getting worked up again. 

“The nerve of the guy, how does he know what my dad would have wanted” Cas gestured angrily with his hand back towards the house, as if Dean was stood right there in front of them. 

“He has lived with the guy for a year and who knows what’s been happening here whilst you’ve been away…the comment about being his son was a bit harsh” Jess added, how could she be defending this guy, Cas thought angrily. 

“Why would he care anyway I’m pretty sure he weaselled his way into my dad’s life, I don’t trust people who take advantage like that” Cas knew what he was saying probably wasn’t true, much like his own accusations he didn’t know this Dean at all either. 

“You’re a hypocrite you know that!” Jess was trying not to snap because she was on his side honestly but she was also the kind of person to see both sides of a debate, its what made her a great assistant. 

“Why you turning on me all of a sudden I thought you were on my side!” Cas’ voice was soft so she knew he was messing with her. 

“I am on your side dummy, always will be, but get your facts straight before you start running your mouth off” The confusion in his brow must have been more evident than he realised when she continued. “Dean’s dad died, left him and his brother homeless and with a mountain of his dad’s debt to pay off as well as putting his brother through college…your dad took him in gave him a job, helped him pay off his debts, Dean needed a home and your father gave him that chance” Jess finished taking in Cas’ startled expression. 

“How do you know all this?” He asked not knowing how to respond to that much information at once. 

“Ellen told me, so next time you want to rip someone a new one, get your facts right before you open your mouth…you big dummy!” She shoved him off the bench landing in a pile of hay. 

“Hey!” Cas was laughing as he spluttered hay from his mouth throwing in vein attempt a handful in Jess’s direction. 

“Come on, time for bed I’m exhausted” Jess pulled Cas up with both hands, steadying him as he swayed slightly. 

“Am I forgiven?” Cas asked as he linked his arm with Jess and set off back to the house. 

“Come explore the town with me tomorrow and then I’ll think about forgiving you” Cas groaned at the thought of going into town, he knew what the people here were like and he wasn’t ready for all the prying questions that were going to be flying his way. 

“Fine! You drive a hard bargain though” Cas poked her side making her laugh. 

“Well it’s not me you have to apologise to is it?” She teased poking him back but Cas wasn’t feeling in a playful mood all of a sudden. 

When they got back to the house Ellen and Bobby were just finishing the dishes, Cas offered them his dad’s room so they could stay the night, save Bobby driving back into town but they politely refused. Cas didn’t miss the sad look that crossed Bobby’s face as he glanced up the stairs. He kept forgetting that Bobby had lost his best friend in all this. They said their goodbyes at the door and Cas couldn’t help glance up the stairs, only he wasn’t thinking about his father. He shook away any thoughts of pine coloured green eyes and trudged into the living room collapsing on the couch and before he knew it the days events caught up to him and he was fast asleep. He hadn’t even had chance to take his boots off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear these chapters keep getting longer.   
I'm posting this as I write so not entirely sure when the next chapter will be out but I'm finally feeling motivated to write again after a long break. I've had this idea for a little while now and its developing and changing as I write so bare with me as I figure this out. I'll try sorting out an upload schedule but for now its as and when I finish the chapters.


	4. Meeting the locals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Dean in this chapter directly but some mentions and some subtle things to look for.

Cas woke to a cramp in his neck and his legs tangled in a blanket. He fought with the annoying fabric until he managed to sit upright and take in his surroundings. The room was light from where the sunlight was shining through the front window and he soon remembered where he was. 

He groaned as he untangled the blanket from around his bare feet, he could have sworn he’d had his shoes on last night. He wrapped up the blanket into a semi neat pile as if he were making up a king sized bed with memory foam mattress. Where had the blanket come from, he pondered scratching the top of his head, a huge yawn escaped his lips. It had been a rough few days he thought as he picked up a stray sweater from his bag that lay lazily open on the floor. He padded into the kitchen and found sitting on the breakfast bar was a slip of paper and a plate covered up. 

Sorry for last night  
~Dean x 

Cas couldn’t help the tug he felt in his chest as he read the note that Dean had left. Lifting up the cover there was a large stack of pancakes and a side of extra crispy bacon that looked incredible. His stomach rumbled, reminding him that he hadn’t actually gotten to eat much of his dinner last night, meaning it had been nearly twenty four hours since he’d last had something to eat. Cas wasn’t so bitter that he would pass up a clearly thoughtfully made breakfast. 

By the time Cas had finished his share of the mouth-watering food, Jess had appeared showered and dressed looking perfect as always, only today she let her hair fall down her back as apposed to her usual pinned up ponytail. She had also ditched the pencil skirt and suit jacket for a casual jeans and floral blouse and completed the look with a pair of classic timberland boots. 

“Wow, you look…different” Cas commented with a mouth full of bacon. 

“Thanks, I guess” Jess eyed him curiously then spotted the plate of goodies. “You made breakfast?” She asked sceptically, she knew Cas well enough to know the extent of his cooking ability extended to coffee and slightly overdone toast. 

“No actually so you can stop looking so terrified…Dean left it” Cas muttered the last part hoping Jess hadn’t noticed the small smile that crept onto his face. 

“Dean! Well that’s nice of him” There was suggestion in her tone that Cas chose to ignore rolling his eyes and finishing the last of his bacon. 

“So what’s on the agenda today?” Cas asked picking up his plate and rinsing it off in the sink. 

“Well Bobby called this morning, he was wondering if we could swing by the florists when we are in town and pick up some of the flowers for the service tomorrow and drop them off at the church, do you think you’d be okay with that?” She asked carefully knowing that they hadn’t discussed his father’s funeral all that much and didn’t actually know how he was feeling about the big day. 

“Why did Bobby call you?” Jess rolled her eyes at him gnawing on a tough piece of bacon.

“Because I am still your assistant, believe it or not I am good at organisation, that and you were still asleep and didn’t pick up your phone” She muttered pointing at the cell phone sitting on the breakfast bar. 

Cas picked up the phone and found several missed calls from Bobby and Ellen and one or two text messages requesting the same thing. 

“Oh…well fine we can do that let me just get dressed” Cas disappeared out the room grabbing a handful of clean clothes from his bag and heading into the bathroom to at least splash some water on his face. 

He quickly changed and by the time he reappeared in the kitchen Jess had washed up the remainder of the dishes and was handing Cas his boots. 

"Did you by any chance...take my shoes off last night?" He asked hesitantly it was a strange question to ask ones assistant after all. 

"No, you were sound asleep all tucked up under a blanket when I came through last night" She added eyeing him curiously, thinking nothing more of it and getting impatient she slapped his rear as she passed him heading out the door “Lets move it sunshine”  
......................................................................

As they arrived into town Cas couldn’t help the familiar feeling of home wash over him, these were the streets he used to spend his childhood roaming, usually by himself but that never seemed to bother him too much. He spotted the florists in the same place it had been for the past thirty years and the same earthy type woman that had first opened it all those years ago probably still ran it. Mrs Bradbury was sitting behind the counter flipping through what looked like the latest edition of florists monthly. Cas laughed at the idea that there was even such a magazine. 

“Morning” Jess chimed grabbing the woman’s attention. 

“Well, well, well look what the cat dragged in! Castiel Shurley as I live and breath” She got up from the desk and was round the other side in a flash enveloping Cas in a tight embrace, much like Ellen had done the day before. He was getting used to the comforting feeling. “It’s so good to see you! I’m just sorry its under such sad circumstances” She added suddenly the same sympathetic look that Ellen had given him were plastered all over her. 

“Thank you, it’s good to see you too, how’s Charlie doing?” Charlie Bradbury, Mrs Bradbury’s only daughter and Castiel’s only friend growing up was a force to be reckoned with. Her fiery personality matched the fire in her hair. 

“She’s doing well, she'll be thrilled to see you, I’ll have to send her round to say hi...actually she'll be at the funeral tomorrow” She patted his arms before bustling around the shop picking up various flower arrangements. “I suppose you’re here for that reason,” She muttered as she placed the varying sized arrangements on the counter, most of them were made up of the traditional white lily but it was the centre arrangement that caught Cas’ attention. 

A shallow tray with a mixture of holly bushes and mistletoe sticking up at various angles, it gave the classic Christmas vibe. Entwined between them were twigs of pine branches making up the main bulk of the piece. 

“Dad would have loved this” Cas murmured letting his fingers slide over the prickles of one of the branches. 

“It’s a little on the nose I know but Dean thought it was a nice idea to incorporate your fathers work” Mrs Bradbury beamed as if it was the nicest idea anyone had ever come up with. 

“Dean asked for this?” He asked trying not to sound too startled, of course Dean would have something to do with it. 

“Well yes, he’s pretty much organised the whole service…oh I’m sorry love, I didn’t meant to upset you I can see how you would have wanted to sort these things out but you weren’t here to decide” She was soft with her voice like she was talking to a child who didn’t understand why they were being reprimanded. 

“No of course, you’re right, suppose someone had to think of these things whilst I was away” He muttered trying not to let the hurt in his chest show too clearly. It didn’t help that at that moment Jess decided to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

“We need to get these to the church” Cas almost snapped but held back, the only real sign he was upset was shrugging Jess’ hand free from his shoulder and the moment he turned is back to them as he carried the centre piece to the truck. 

…………………………………………………………. 

The pair decided to stop for some lunch in the diner, in all honestly Cas just wanted to get back to the house anything to prevent running into someone else he once know. 

His thoughts distracted him from the solid wall he just walked into, only the wall seemed to grunt on impact. 

“Sorry, I should have been watching where I was going are you okay?” Now walls definitely shouldn’t talk. Cas looked up…and up…until he finally met the brown eyes of a young shaggy haired man with a concerned look upon his face. 

“Oh, no I wasn’t paying attention, sorry” Cas mumbled trying to create some physical distance between them. 

“Guess we’re both at fault, hold on…aren’t you Castiel? Chucks kid!” The man asked, ‘kid’ he was scarcely old enough to tie his shoelaces, who was he calling kid. 

“Um yes I’m Casti…Cas just call me Cas everyone else does…who are you?” Cas didn’t mean it to sound so accusing but he wasn’t in any mood for small talk with strangers. 

“I’m Sam, Sam Winchester, we went to the same school…granted you’d graduated a few years before me but I knew the family name” The man, Sam, waffled on and Cas was taken aback by the idea that this man seemingly knew who he was. He was getting pretty tired of people assuming to know him.

“Wait…Winchester?” Cas suddenly looked up at Sam again taking in his features, he was certainly tall enough and there seemed to be something familiar in his face. 

“I’m Dean’s brother” Sam informed him linking up the two thoughts that he could clearly see forming in Cas’ mind. Cas stared at him trying not to scowl too much. “I heard about what happened, look Dean’s a good guy he just not great with people” Sam was clearly defending his brother and rightfully so but Cas wasn’t about to back down that easily. 

“Yes, well the sooner we can settle the issue of the farm the sooner I can head back to New York and I wont have to deal with your brother ever again…no offence” Cas squirmed a little under the taller man’s gaze at that last part. 

“Luckily for you that’ll be all sorted tomorrow after the funeral” Sam smiled warmly.

“Excuse me” Cas snapped. 

“Sorry, I thought you knew…I was your father’s lawyer he entrusted his Will to me so I’ll be coming round tomorrow afternoon to discuss it with you all…Dean as well” Sam added as an after thought when something or someone caught his attention out the window, he waved happily, “Excuse me will you, I’ll see you tomorrow, was nice to see you” and with that Sam was pushing past him out the door. 

“Excuse me” Jess muttered as she was unexpectedly pushed past entering the diner. 

“Sorry miss” Sam smiled apologetically at her and darted off down the street. 

“Who was that” A sudden smirk appeared on her face as she approached Cas. 

“Another Winchester to ruin by day” Cas muttered. 

“He’s cute” Cas gave her a sharp look and shook his head rolling his eyes leaving the diner, suddenly his appetite had gone. 

…………………………………………………………..

“I just want to get through tomorrow, no sympathetic look or ‘sorry for your losses’ just want to say goodbye to my dad and go home” Cas sunk into the couch running his hands over his face. 

“Rough day?” Bobby asked sitting down beside him handing him a freshly opened bottle of beer. 

“No thanks” Cas muttered removing his hands. 

“Lighten up boy, its one beer” Bobby pushed the bottle towards him and he begrudgingly accepted. 

“Thanks Bobby, you’ve really been there for me and not just this week” Cas paused rubbing the condensation drips off the side of the bottle. 

“I stepped in when your dad couldn’t cope, that’s all”

“No it was more than that, if it weren’t for you…” Cas didn’t want to finish that thought. 

“He never stopped loving you, he just couldn’t cope after your mom died” Bobby looked over at Cas who was the embodiment of grief in that moment. “No matter how much you pretend not to care, I know you Castiel” Bobby nudged him gently trying to lighten the mood. 

“Seems everyone knows me better than I know myself at the moment” Cas murmured. 

“Get some rest lad, busy day tomorrow and whatever happens there are people here that care about you…including” Bobby pointed up at the ceiling, who could he possibly be referring to…oh…Dean. 

“He hates me” Cas commented sadly he didn’t know when he cared so much about what Dean thought of him but suddenly he had a dull ache in his chest at the thought. 

“Dean’s not one to hold a grudge” Bobby slapped his hand on Cas’ shoulder before getting up and leaving him alone to wallow in his own self-pity. 

Cas wasted no time in downing the bottle of beer, anything to shift the lump in his throat.


	5. Funerals are a sordid affair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all finally hits home for Cas and feelings begin to creep to the surface.

Cas awoke the next morning when he heard the hushed voices coming from the kitchen. He grabbed his jumper slipping it over his head and when he came out the other side Dean was standing in the doorway looking him over with a slight smirk on his lips. 

“Morning sunshine, you want some coffee?” Dean was far too chirpy this early in the morning Cas thought as he took in the other man’s appearance. 

Dean was dressed in what appeared to be his best suit. It was black for the funeral but the dark green tie that he’d elected to wear intrigued Cas. Dean pulled his coffee cup away from where he had it rested against his chest and looked down at himself, clearly Cas had been taking too much time observing his appearance. 

“Something on my shirt?” Dean asked scrubbing his hand over his pressed white shirt that hugged far too much of his body for Cas’ concentration to handle. 

“No, you look…good…I was just…the tie” Cas pointed at the piece of fabric and a small smile broke out on Dean’s lips as he looked down at it, he flicked the end of the tie between his fingers casually. 

“I thought it would be nice, you know the whole pine theme and everything” Dean froze looking up to see Cas’ reaction, nervous was a cute look on him Cas thought. 

“It’s a nice thought Dean, thank you” Cas shook off the moment with a harsh clear of his throat and wandered past Dean avoiding all eye contact. 

Cas tried to wash down the lump rising in his throat with some strong coffee. Why had Dean decided to be nice to him, if anything the guy should hate him for how he treated him the other day. If it were Cas he’d have some choice words at the very least. If anything the guys dumb smile and unwavering enthusiasm only irritated Cas further, they were heading to a funeral after all how could he be so damn cheerful. 

……………………………………………………………..

The drive to the chapel didn’t take very long but the usually five minute drive ended up being a few minutes longer as they drove steadily through the main street. Dean was driving him, Cas and Bobby to the service. Dean had insisted on taking his dad’s old Impala, Cas could have sworn he’d called it ‘baby’ before they’d set off but he chose to push that oddity aside. 

The drive up Main Street was humbling for Cas. He was so surprised when he saw the first shop window decorated with bright twinkling lights and one of his fathers trees adorning the window. The next window was the same thing only different coloured lights, most of the windows along the route were all pine themed and those without trees had carefully constructed wreaths hanging on the doorways. A tear stung his eye as they passed the diner and he saw Charlie with her bright hair standing out against the small forest of Christmas trees they had decorated outside along the street. 

“When did they do all this?” Cas found himself speaking aloud gaining a quick glance from Dean who Cas could have sworn had a blush on his cheeks. 

“They put them up last night, for your dad” Dean added as a reminder to Cas, there was some underlying meaning to what he’d said and Cas could feel his heart tighten. 

It hadn’t truly hit Cas until they reached the front of the chapel and he spotted the coffin in the back of the hearse. The floral arrangements he’d dropped off the day before were lining the entry way and inside the hearse were matching arrangements spelling out Chuck’s name in pine. Cas took in a sharp breath when they opened the door and a few of the stronger men rallied round to carry the surprisingly small coffin inside. Dean was first to take the corner with Bobby on the opposite side and Sam was carrying the back. There were a few other men from the town that Chuck used to drink with down at the roadhouse, Cas only recognised one of them but not by name. It was up to Cas as his only remaining blood relative to walk behind the coffin, he suddenly felt very alone as he watched Chuck’s true family carry him inside. 

It still stung to know that Dean had played more of a role of son to his father in the year leading up to his death, a part of him wanted nothing more than to push aside that bitterness but it was too soon. 

Cas sat at the front with Bobby sitting by his side. Every so often he would place a reassuring hand on his shoulder to make sure he was okay. It truth, he wasn’t okay! None of this was okay, his dad was dead and nothing on this earth was ever going to bring him back, not even long enough for him to tell him he was sorry for the way he acted. 

It was then that Dean stood up from the opposite pew headed for the front, he was clearly nervous as he fidgeted with his tie again. Would make sense that Dean spoke considering he put this whole thing together and because of the whole adopted son thing. There was that stab of pain again as Dean began to speak. 

“Um, so firstly, I’d like to thank so many people for coming out today. Secondly I wanted to say a few things about Chuck Shurley, if thats okay” Dean paused chuckling nervously, pulling at his collar again as his eyes flashed past everyone in the room except Castiel. 

“As many of you know ugh, Chuck took me in around a year ago, I was broke and honestly didn’t know where the next meal was going to come from. That was when he offered me a job at the farm, up until that point I’d all but lost all hope in human kindness. I was wrong, Chuck took pity on me and not only gave me a place to stay but he gave me a home, something I hadn’t felt in a long time…even though he’s gone I still feel that sense of home. I feel it when I have dinner with Bobby and Ellen or when my little brother Sammy comes to help me on the farm on his days off. I see it in the happy faces of the kids who come to pick out their Christmas trees, that’s what Chuck was to me!” Dean paused and finally his eyes met with Cas’ in the crowd and it struck Cas like a bolt of lightening. “Chuck was a good man, sure he made some mistakes he was human after all but he was trying to make amends for those mistakes but he never stopped caring…the farm was his life but his family meant more” Dean was looking right at Cas as if everyone else in the room had melted away and it was just them. The words were swirling round them. Cas let them sink in the hidden meaning behind every word, Dean wasn’t just talking about himself he was trying to tell Cas something, something he’d tried to tell him that first day they met but Cas had brushed him aside. He’d let his anger and his own guilt cloud his vision. 

“Thank you for coming everyone, Chuck loved you all” Dean finished and a few people nodded with a tear dripping down their cheeks. Cas sat silently avoiding all eye contact with anyone who was now looking his way due to Dean’s speech. All he wanted was to get out of there and get out of this town and back to the safety and anonymity of the big city. In New York no one knew his name or knew his father’s legacy, there he was just Castiel he had no guilt there. It was easier to push down and out of mind. 

…………………………………………………………………

Upon seeing Charlie again Cas grabbed her close in a tight hug never wanting to let go of the one thing from his past that still seemed good. She had raced over to him on the steps of the chapel as soon as the service ended with a great big beaming smile ready to pounce on her old friend. 

“I’ve missed you so much Cas, why haven’t you called!” She snapped back punching Cas in the upper arm. 

“Ow! What was that for?” He snapped suddenly the warm feeling was gone. 

“That was for not staying in contact like you promised you would when you abandoned me for the big city life…its also for being a jerk” She added her eyes flicked behind Cas and he quickly glanced back to see what she was looking at, or rather who. 

Dean was standing a few feet away chatting to Bobby and a few of the local women were hovering around him wanting to give him their best. Vultures, he thought, they were at a funeral and here they were flirting their way into his pocket. 

“You mean Dean?” Cas asked with an offended tone.

“Yes Dean! You’ve been a jerk to him since you arrived and don’t lie to me Castiel I hear everything remember!” Charlie had been working in the local diner since she turned eighteen and she wasn’t wrong when she said she knew everything. It was the prime location for people to go and talk about their problems and who better than the cheerful waitress, who never judged, to share your deepest problems with. 

“Me! Well I’m not the one gallivanting around the place like I own it!” Cas snapped glaring back at Dean when he heard a chorus of giggles coming from the surrounding swarm. 

“You’re just jealous because he filled the void you left behind!” Charlie snapped back, she didn’t want to hurt her friend but she was also the only person on this earth that could possibly talk some sense into Cas. She knew him too well, better than he knew himself sometimes. It’s why he’d always admired her. 

“I am not…okay fine maybe I am a little bitter about the fact he’s seemingly taken up the role of doting son but I mean come on the guys even sleeping in MY room!” Cas emphasised trying to keep his voice low. 

“You’re such a child you know that! You sound about twelve, Dean has been nothing but nice to you and your father! He was there for him when you weren’t and if anything you should be grovelling at the guys feet right now begging for forgiveness…you’re in his debt now Castiel” She shoved her finger into his chest to make her point known, it was only coincidence that Cas’ heart skipped a few beats when she did it knowing full well what he’d done. It was admitting it that he was finding so difficult. 

“Fine! I suppose I was a little harsh with him at the beginning, but you’d be too if you returned home to find some imposter in your room” Cas snapped with a half joke to his tone. 

“You know…you have a double bed in that room” Charlie waggled her eyebrows at him and Cas knew she was teasing but come on. 

“Charlie!” Cas hissed pulling her out of earshot of Dean or anyone else that was inclined to gossip, “stop that right now, none of your match making you hear me” Cas ordered, he knew her too well to know she probably wouldn’t stop on his say so but it was worth putting it out into the universe. 

“Looks like you’ve done a good job of that without my help” She looked over Cas’ shoulder at Dean and gave a cheerful wave in his direction. Cas shot his look over his shoulder and spotted Dean staring right at them, how long had he been looking at them for, and was that a blush on his cheek? Cas snapped himself out of it by turning his annoyance back at Charlie. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Cas asked playing innocent. 

“Well look at the guy, he’s clearly got a crush on you, you only have to have eyes to see that!” Charlie mocked slapping her hand on his shoulder. 

“You’re ridiculous! I’m over this conversation, moving on” Cas shoved her towards the cars that would take them back to the farm, he could at least get through the next part with someone vaguely on his level.


	6. A Will and a Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there is some heavy angst in this chapter I am so sorry if thats not your thing but I promise its going to get better from here on.

In all his life Cas had never seen his house so full of people. Sure when he was a kid Bobby would come round with Ellen for dinner but for a kid with limited number of friends it was a relatively quiet affair at the house. Now there was nowhere to sit down as everyone who was requested for the Will reading were now crammed into the living room at the farm. Luckily Cas had managed to take up a spot on the couch with Charlie to one side of him, her presence was a grounding force for him as the anxiety began to swell inside him. Jess had taken a seat on the floor in front of him leaning against his legs in a familiar manner. Jess was laughing with Charlie over something Cas wasn’t paying attention to, at that moment he couldn’t take his eyes off Dean who had ditched his suit jacket complaining about feeling overdressed now they were home. Now with a clear view of the white dress shirt he was wearing Cas got the full picture of just how nicely it fit his body. Every time Dean moved his arms Cas’ eyes followed as the fabric of the shirt tightened around his arms. 

“Earth to Cas! Something caught your eye?” Jess giggled nudging his leg with her elbow snapping Cas back to the two women beside him. 

“What? No I was just…thinking” Truth be told his mind was thinking lots of things, none of them he was willing to share and certainly not suitable for a funeral. 

“I bet you were, close your mouth though makes the ogling less obvious…if subtle was even what you were going for” Charlie laughed so loud it drew the eyes of a few other people in the room including Dean himself. 

“Will you two knock it off, besides Sam’s here now” Cas pointed at the door laughing at his own joke on Jess as her eyes shot to the open doorway and found no one standing there. 

“Jerk!” She snapped elbowing him a little harder this time. 

“Whose a jerk?” The voice pulled all three round and Jess had to crane her neck up to look at Sam who had appeared behind them at some point. 

“Um…no one…I was just…is that Ellen, I’m going to see if she needs help!” Jess shot up on the pretence that someone had called her name from the other room dashing out with bright red cheeks. 

“Was it something I said?” Sam asked suddenly looking like a kicked puppy as he starred at the space she’d just run off from. 

“Probably” Cas sniggered along with Charlie who found the whole performance far too entertaining. 

“I came to get you, thought we’d do this in the kitchen I was just going to start gathering everyone” Sam was almost whispering as if he didn’t want anyone else to hear their little meeting despite the fact everyone was about to hear the outcome of his fathers Will. Maybe he was just being respectful by asking him first. 

“Sure…right…lets get this over with” Suddenly Cas didn’t feel like laughing and the anxiety had returned, he had thought about the outcome for a few days and Balthazar’s charming voice suddenly came back to him. ‘Call me when you know’, only the usual thrill he got from hearing Balthazar’s voice now had an almost predatory thought when the words churned through his mind. 

He shook away the image taking a seat at the table, it wasn’t long before Bobby joined him sitting opposite. Sam arrived and sat at the head of the table grabbing a handful of rather important legal documents that Cas couldn’t quite read from his position. He was too busy paying attention to the files to notice Dean take a seat beside him. 

“You okay?” Dean asked hesitantly placing a hand on Cas’ shoulder, he had to hand it to he guy he looked genuinely concerned. 

“I’m fine…thank you” Cas was taken aback but not completely surprised at Dean’s niceties he had after all been nothing but nice to him the last few days even if Cas did have a penchant for pushing him away. 

“Lets get this sorted then shall we, I know you’re all eager to get back to your lives” Cas noticed the quick glance in his direction from Sam, but simply chose to roll his eyes in response. 

“Bobby, lets start with you shall we…” Sam cleared his throat suddenly his demeanour changed from one of Sam Winchester the playful giant to, Sam Winchester lawyer. 

“Whatever boy, I just want to know these two are all set up,” Bobby pointed at Cas and Dean in turn. 

“They’ll be fine, I can assure you, but Chuck was adamant you get something as well…he’s left you some money not a vast amount but enough for you and Ellen to live 'comfortably' as he described it. He’s also left you a note or sorts, you know chuck a man of few words at the best of times” Sam chuckled as he grabbed an aged piece of paper out of a file and unfolded it sliding it across the table to Bobby. 

Picking it up carefully he skimmed over the words on the page glancing up only briefly to look at Cas and Dean individually. “Dear Bobby, I hope this money finds you well and you and Ellen can finally take care of yourselves for a change. I will forever be grateful to you both for taking care of my boy I’m sure he is too. You were more of a father to him than I could ever be…to them both” Bobby looked at Dean at the last part and gave him a soft smile of understanding something passing between them that Cas didn’t recognise. Was he missing something? 

“He came to see me when he found out about his illness and gave me that, I’ve kept it ever since…its not exactly a stipulation in the Will itself but I know he wanted you to have it” Sam added warmly his attention on Bobby who was still holding the letter tightly, Cas could have sworn there was a tear beginning in his eye but Bobby never cried its not who he was. 

“As for you two, this is the important part so pay attention…To Dean Winchester I leave 50% of my properties including ownership of my old truck, its not as finely tuned as your baby but I hope it’ll be as trustworthy to you on the farm as it was for me” Sam read the words of Chuck out loud and Cas felt a pang of grief that those words were written by a man no longer with them. It was kind of surreal…but wait did he just say Dean gets half the land? 

“Wait, Dean gets half the land? How does that work exactly, what’s he going to do cut it in half?” Cas piped up knowing he sounded like a spoilt brat, suddenly Balthazar’s shark grin was in his vision once more and the panic filled his chest. What was he going to do if he didn’t own the whole land, Balthazar was going to be pissed, would he lose his job?

“You get the other half, I believe Chuck’s intentions were for you to own the farm…together” Sam finished with a shit eating grin if ever Cas saw one. He knew this the whole time, stupid rules, he should have told them sooner. 

“Wait, me and city slicker over here, no offence Cas but have you ever done a days manual work in your entire life” Dean didn’t sound so nice now. 

“So you were after the farm, I knew you were just weaselling your way in for the land, you vulture” Cas snapped turning to look at Sam rather than face the expression on Dean’s face. 

“You know I've just about had it up to hear with you! you have no clue do you! Where were you when he first found out he had less than a year to live? Where were you when he was throwing up none stop till there was nothing left to wretch up, or when he couldn’t even eat because the pain was too much! Who was there to hold him up when he was so weak he couldn’t stand…You’re just pissed with me because I did what you should have done! You feel guilty as all hell and it’s eating you up inside so you blame everyone but yourself!” Dean was standing over Cas now. The vein in his neck was pulsing with rage as he strained to keep his voice from overpowering him. “Take a look in the mirror next time you want to blame someone” Dean’s voice went so soft to almost a whisper like he’d expelled all his energy in that one outburst. Dean flicked his eyes across to Sam and Bobby giving them a short nod, neither of them looked surprised only saddened by the whole thing. Finally Dean pushed his chair back slamming it into the far wall and storming from the kitchen. The last they heard was the front porch door slamming against its hinges and the sound of boots on a gravel road. 

“Well done…ya idjit!” Bobby slid his chair out from underneath him letting the letter from Chuck float down on to the table in front of Cas and stormed off presumably to chase after Dean. 

“You should read this, it might clear some things up” Sam passed him an envelope with his name on before following suit and leaving him alone in the dining room. 

Cas sighed so deeply like he was finally letting go of everything Dean had just described, all the guilt and pain fell out of him in that one choked breath. It was down to the tears to wash it away but that would take some time. Cas grabbed the letter and trudged upstairs a defeated shell of a man. When he came to the door of his father’s room he hesitated taking a shaky breath before opening the door, the air felt cold on his face as he entered the room. 

No one had been in here since his death by the looks of the space. Everything was in its place even down to his dad’s reading glasses still sat open on the nightstand. He ran his hand carefully over the quilt as if he put too much pressure on it would disappear like the dust that covered the surfaces. The envelope felt heavy in his hand as he leant against the bedpost for physical and emotional support. The pain in his chest was unbearable as he sunk down against the bed pulling his knees close and clutching the paper tightly against his chest. He let the tears wash over him as he sobbed, he was in too much pain to even notice the ugly liquid falling from his nose as he tried to wipe it away with his sleeve only to be replaced with more tears. 

He could hear the whispers coming from downstairs, Jess, Charlie and Ellen had clearly heard the whole thing none of them daring to make the first move to see if he was okay. Probably for the best he thought, as he couldn’t face anyone right now, he didn’t even want to face himself. That’s what got him into this mess in the first place not admitting his faults. 

Before long the strain from crying was causing a throbbing pain in the base of his skull as he let the exhaustion take over and he slipped into a restless sleep full of painful memories and overwhelming dreams.


	7. Christmas spirit

The sound of pots clattering in the kitchen woke him at first and then the smell of freshly brewed coffee zapped him awake in a second sitting up in bed letting the comforter fall off his body. Cas ran his hand over the soft material and looked around the room, he could have sworn he’d fallen asleep resting against the side of the bed. He pushed the thought from his mind as he climbed out and pulled on his boots that were neatly tucked away by the door. He eyed them curiously before pulling them over his feet, this is the second time he’s woken up without his boots.

A cough from downstairs drew him back to reality as he hesitantly opened the door a crack letting the smell of coffee waft into the room. He caught a glimpse of plaid turning into the living room and a few moments later Dean was at the bottom of the stairs smiling cautiously up at him.

“You look like you could use some coffee” Dean grumbled his rough voice more prominent first thing in the morning. Cas looked down at his watch and his eyes widened at how early it actually was. Dean didn’t wait for a response as he wandered back into the kitchen and Cas could hear him rummaging around in cupboards and opening and closing the fridge a few times.

He carefully crept down the stairs, still feeling a little unsteady on his feet from the restless sleep. When he came round the corning his breath caught at the sight of Dean first thing in the morning. The sun was shining on his face making his green eyes shine more than usual and the plaid shirt that lay open around his middle was like a doorway to a fitted black t-shirt that hugged every curve of his muscles. He was handsome in a rugged way, the kind of guy you’d only read about in trashy novels but here he was standing in Cas’ kitchen. His kitchen? The thoughts of the night before came rushing back, the way Dean had looked at him. He’d never wanted anyone to look at him that way especially not Dean, he needed to apologise and quickly if he were to ever be on the receiving end of that cheeky smile of Dean’s again.

“I’m sorry Cas, for what I said last night, I didn’t mean it” Dean muttered softly beating him too it. He was leaning his hands against the counter edge letting his shoulders tense, clearly he was struggling just as much as Cas was, if his creased brow and ever tightening shoulders were anything to go on.

“You’re apologising to me?” Cas looked startled and scoffed lightly holding his hand over his chest.

“Yeah, look yesterday was hard on everyone and I never expected…truth be told its been hard running this place without him” Dean explained turning to lean his back against the counter crossing his arms over his chest in an almost protective stance.

“I’m the one who should be apologising to you, I was just caught off guard yesterday and like you said it was hard on everyone” Cas half heartedly apologised, there was so much more he wanted to say but Dean cut him off before he had the chance to even construct a thought.

“Fresh start, new day, is what it is, obviously Chuck had a plan otherwise he wouldn’t have done it…so…partner you ready to sell some trees” Dean smirked crossing the room with two steps slapping his hand over Cas’ back as he passed him heading for the door.

“Wait what!” Cas snapped suddenly realising what Dean was saying. “You want me to…help?”   
  
“Sure, I’ve got over a thousand trees to fell and bail before the truck arrives tomorrow and I cant do it alone” Dean hovered in the doorway his hand leaning against the side.

“You know I can’t stay” Cas said his tone going serious for a moment.

“We don’t have to talk about it right now, I know you have a life in New York and I’m not trying to keep you from that, so if you want to leave then go now save everyone the trouble…but if you really meant that apology, you’d prove me wrong” Oh he was good, Cas thought, the sad puppy eyes and the stupid handsome grin how could he say no to that. Maybe a few more days wouldn’t hurt, he hadn’t even thought about the future of this place. Its not like he could sell the whole thing like he’d considered, a part of him was hesitant about the whole idea anyway.

“Fine…I’ll help…but wait what about Jess” Cas suddenly remembered his assistant and friend, poor girl had unknowingly walked into some pretty intense family drama and he was just going to leave her at the house alone all day.

“Don’t worry about it, she and Sam left about an hour ago” Wait what! Cas’ back tensed as he wondered what the hell could Jess be doing with Sam.

“Where did they go?” He was trying not to sound panicked but Dean just laughed at his words and wandered out the door muttering something about puppy love as he went.

Cas sped off after him ignoring the grumble in his stomach in place of catching up to Dean. He finally caught up as they were rounding the corning towards the back of the barn where Cas remembered the old stables being. Not that they had any horses growing up there was no need for them his dad had said, they were just an added expense, he’d always grumbled whenever Cas mentioned it.

“Where are we going I thought we were cutting down trees?” Cas sped up to keep in time with Dean’s slightly longer strides.

“Got to give the girls their breakfast” Dean smirked as they came round the corner and Cas stopped in his tracks. In front of him was the most festive thing he’d ever seen. A small paddock that connected the stable yard and the pastures at the back of the house was occupied with, “Are those reindeer?” Cas shouted his mind in a whirl as Dean casually opened the gate to the paddock shaking a bag of feed he’d picked up from somewhere.

“Yep, come meet the girls” Dean beckoned him over now surrounded by at least five, Cas counted, hungry reindeer.

“When…I mean…why?” Cas placed his hands on the gate hesitant to follow Dean inside the paddock not knowing how tame these quite big beasts were. They seemed smaller in the movies.

“Chuck and I rescued them last Christmas from one of those travelling markets, they were underweight and the guy was using them for kids reindeer rides…” Dean sighed shaking his head as if clearing the painful images from the forefront of his mind. “This one could barely stand when I found her, she collapsed not long before they were due to head out to the next town and the guy who owned them was more than willing to just leave her behind” Dean rubbed his hand over the mussel of one of the smaller reindeers. She seemed to lean into the touch of someone she clearly trusted before sniffling around his back pockets, the white steam from her hot breath meeting the cold air swirled around Dean. Cas couldn’t stop staring, it was a beautiful sight especially with the morning sun and early frost littering the ground around them.

“What happened?” Cas asked never taking his eyes off the animal.

“Chuck managed to convince the guy to let him take Belle over here, whilst I rallied the local sheriff with a warrant to seize the rest of the animals on animal cruelty grounds” Dean pulled a piece of carrot out of his back pocket and the reindeer, Belle, happily snatched it from his hand. “You look surprised” Dean chuckled softly, his breath appearing in the air.

“Well I mean, reindeer! Not something you see everyday” Cas smiled letting himself experience the madness of this whole morning.

“You want to feed one” Dean handed him a handful of carrot pieces and opened the gate leading Cas in gently and slowly so as not to startle the animals.

“Ugh, Dean I’m not sure, they might not like me very much” The panic was evident in his voice but the hand pressed to his lower back was keeping him from running away.

“Nah, they’re sweethearts really, besides you’re not entirely unlikable” Dean held out his hand flat showing Cas what to do, Cas carefully followed suit and laid a few pieces of carrot flat on his hand and the reindeer wasted no time in lapping it up.

“It tickles” Cas laughed as the reindeers soft nose rubbed against the palm of his hand.

“That ones Mary, Belle you’ve met and then we have Jojo, beth and of course cassie” Cas shot his eyes up at Dean at the last name and Dean just laughed in response.

“You can blame your dad for that one, he thought it was funny” Dean nudged him playfully brushing the last few crumbs of carrot from his hands.

“What are you going to do with them?” Cas asked casually as if having a small herd of reindeer must mean you had to do something with them.

“Well I wanted to get them back up to strength first but I had plans for this place” Dean added with a spirited tone.

“Plans? Such as?” Dean looked over his shoulder at Cas with a sceptical eye but the smile on his face gave him away. “Come on Dean we’re partners remember, all plans have to be approved by both parties or whatever” Cas tried with his best Sam Winchester impression.

“Okay fine, I had this idea for a winter wonderland!” Dean did mini jazz hands to big up his idea. His eyes dropped and his smile disappeared when Cas just looked at him. “You hate it” Dean muttered turning away from Cas and trudging away back towards the fields.

“No! I don’t hate it! I think it’s a great idea” Cas chased after him pulling him to a stop.

“You do?” Dean looked sceptical.

“Of course I do, with the reindeer and the trees I don’t know why my dad didn’t think of it before” Cas smirked remembering how straight forward his dad used to be, ‘only selling the trees Castiel, I will stretch to pick your own but that’s it’ he remembered his father always saying.

“Well I did pitch him the idea after we got the girls and he seemed really into it, but then he got sick…” Dean paused realising what he’d said. ‘”Sorry” Dean took a step forward but Cas held out his hand stopping him on the spot.

“It’s fine…you were right, about me, I wasn’t there and there are a hundred things I regret about my life and I can never make amends for that” Cas held back the tears by taking a deep breath in. The cold air was enough to snap him out of it.

“Being here…that’s a start,” Dean commented shrugging his shoulders. A smile on his lips told Cas he wasn’t angry anymore. They were a long way off forgiveness and who knows if they could ever be friends but it was a step in the right direction. “Come on, we have work to do” Dean sped off towards the barn leaving a trail of frosted footsteps for Cas to follow. For the first time since being home he was happy to be here.

…………………………………………………………………

Jess and Sam had taken a seat in the window of the diner, away from a few occupied tables for a bit of privacy. Jess already had a blush to her cheek and was laughing at something Sam said about the old guy at the bar with his pants on show.

“You’re funny” She chuckled into her hand.

“Thanks, Dean doesn’t think so but I like to think I can make people smile” Sam smiled warmly and as if on cue a smile crept onto her lips. “So you’re Castiel’s assistant, that must be a…trying job” Sam chuckled nervously not sure how much he should be saying about her boss.

“He’s not so bad, this weeks just been hard on him that’s all” Jess commented playing with a sugar packet between her fingers.

“So what do you do exactly, get the guy coffee or is there more too it than that” Sam asked genuine interest in his voice.

“I wanted to be an architect its why I applied for the job in the first place” Jess started but Sam could sense a lingering but in the air.

“But…” He pressed.

“Working for Cas has been great and I found I love the organisation of it all, its only recently that I’ve been thinking maybe I’d found my calling…obviously I don’t want to be an assistant for the rest of my life but maybe a manager…I like the idea of being in charge of something” She chuckled at how silly she sounded.

“You want to be the boss then?” Sam laughed the undertones not going unnoticed.

“Not like that, I’m good at my job and I think I could be great as a manager, just have to find the right post that’s all” Jess shrugged. She hadn’t voiced these concerns to Cas because she was worried about what he might think and with all his family drama going on she hadn’t found the right time to bring it up yet.

“So why don’t you talk to Cas about it?” Sam asked casually as if reading her thoughts, it was one of her favourite things about Sam, she was learning how much of a good listener he was and that was like gold dust in a man.

“I will…when the times right, I don’t think now will help his current situation” She fell into a comfortable silence with Sam who was twirling his glass round his palms clearly working up the courage to ask something.

“Do you know if he’ll stay?” Sam asked quickly, hoping if he got it out fast he wouldn’t chicken out.

“Honestly, I don’t know…there was a lot of bad blood when he left, you know what happened right?” Jess asked, she assumed being in a small town everyone knew everything about each other.

“Sort of, I know bits from what Dean’s told me but not enough to piece it together, and it doesn’t feel right to ask” Sam added as an after thought.

“It was tough that’s for sure, lets just say Chuck wasn’t supportive of Cas’ life choices…and not just cause he’s gay, if anything Chuck didn’t care about that he just didn’t want Cas to become an architect…he wanted him to take over the farm its all he ever wanted…but you know Cas, he’s stubborn at the best of times” Jess finished suddenly realising how much she’d revealed she shot her hand over her mouth as if that was going to stop the words falling free. “Shit, I shouldn’t have told you all that. Please don’t tell him I told you.” She added almost pleading.

“Hey don’t worry, besides its no secret round here that Cas is gay…if I tell you this you have to swear you wont tell Dean I told you” Sam pleaded his hand suddenly going over Jess’ but she wasn’t mad about it. If anything she relished in the touch.

“You keep mine if I keep yours” She whispered playfully.

“Deal…When Dean and Cas were teenagers, Dean had a massive crush on the guy…he never came out and said it but I could tell there was something…I know my brother too well” Sam chuckled and the look of confusion on Jess’ face made him pause. “What?” He asked.

“Cas said he’d never met Dean before this week…they knew each other as teenagers?” She asked.

“Yeah of course they did, well only by name they only met once but it was enough for Dean to fall head of heels, he wouldn’t shut up about it for days after it happened” Sam explained as if it were common knowledge and as if she knew exactly what he was referring to. "That's why I asked if he was sticking around, I'm not sure I could watch Dean go through that heartbreak again" Sam added and Jess could feel the pain he felt for his brother.

“Wait, when what happened?” She asked picking up on what he'd said leaning close so she could feel Sam’s breath on her face.

“The tree of course” Sam added as if it were perfectly obvious.


	8. The tree

Cas had moved the truck down to the bottom of the field with the bailer stowed on the back. Driving it down to where the more mature trees were planted. They had decided to get rid of those first as if they got any bigger they would lose their selling value. Most people wanted a tree big enough to fit into their living rooms but small enough they could get it through the doorway. So around 6 to 7 feet was the prime height for any fir or pine to be.

Dean was revving the chain saw into life and while Cas held back the bottom skirt of the trees Dean made a clean cut along the bottom sheering it from its resting post in the ground. Dean had explained they would trim them off later so they were all roughly the same length.

Cas watched Dean work carefully the concentration on his face was stupidly attractive and Cas needed to stop with these thoughts before they got him in trouble. A few days ago he didn’t even like the guy couldn’t stand the sight of him and now he was watching with far too much intent at the sweat droplets appearing on his neck.

“I’ll bring the bailer down” Dean spoke breaking Cas from his thoughts, he hadn’t realised Dean had shut off the chainsaw and was moving over to the truck, meanwhile Cas was still standing there holding up a tree like a muppet.

The bailer was automatic so made their work a little easier but with just two of them it was going to take time. Dean wasn’t wrong when he said it would take them all day to bail up the trees.

“This brings back memories” Dean muttered half under a tree as he marked off a cutting point.

“Excuse me” Cas seemed genuinely confused, he had worked the farm with his dad as a kid but he’d not done this sort of work in a long time.

“Me, you and a tree” Dean laughed as if it were perfectly obvious what he was on about.

“Not following you” Cas could only think he meant that they were partners now which meant this would become common practice in their lives but Cas didn’t even know if he was sticking around long enough for that fantasy to become true.

“Wait, hold on, you really don’t remember?” Dean asked freeing himself from the pine needles and staring directly at Cas with an amused look of confusion.

“Remember what?” He was kind of getting annoyed now.

“Wow, I thought…you know what never mind” Dean shook it off but there was a bite to his voice that made it sound like he was upset, more annoyed than upset but it was definitely there .

“Hold on! Remind me then” Cas pushed following Dean over to the bailer watching him send a tree through the netting. Cas had to step away from the other side as the tree came barrelling towards him like a rocket.

“We’ve met before!” Dean snapped sending a tree effortlessly with one hand through the machine.

“We have?” Cas scrunched up his nose as if it would help jog his memory he was scrutinising Dean trying to picture a memory of any time other than this week but there was nothing, a spark maybe, but he wasn’t going to admit that.

“You really don’t remember do you? Damn well I look like an idiot now” Dean slammed his hand against the machine not in an aggressive way but it was clear he was upset.

“Dean its okay, I’m sorry I don’t remember you I didn’t think it was a big deal” Cas tried to reassure him and it seemed to work when Dean looked at him with a hint of a smile.

“Guess I was deluding myself that you’d remember me, of course you wouldn’t why would you its been what six, seven years since we last saw each other…or at least since you last saw me” What on earth was Dean on about Cas thought clearly they had met before and it was causing Cas a great deal of anxiety at not being able to remember.

“All I know is you lived in town, with your brother and your dad is that right?” Cas asked cautiously not wanting to upset him.

“Yeah, I saw you around, you never saw me though it was like I was invisible to you until one day I came here…to get a tree” Dean had wandered over to the small plantation of trees still standing in the ground and he brushed his hand over the pines as if they were the key to a memory locked away in the back of his mind.

“Well Dean, I helped a lot of people pick out trees I’m sorry I cant remember you, you have to appreciate that” Cas made his way over to Dean and stood beside him looking between Dean and the branch he was holding.

“I wasn’t picking a tree exactly…I was stealing it!” Dean added the bitterness in his voice implied Dean was bitter towards his past self and his actions.

“Oh…Oh!” The spark became a firework as a memory shot into him like a lightening bold striking a tree.

“You were the boy! The one I caught that day! That was you?” Cas couldn’t believe it.

…..

_He had just turned 18 and was helping his dad for the last season on the farm. It was less than a month before the huge argument he’d had with his dad about pursuing his dream and not wanting to get stuck on the farm like he had. A sharp pain hit him at the memory. Brushing it aside he reached for the other memory the one that held some warmth to it as it flooded his mind._

_He’d been helping people pick their trees all day and it was getting later as the sun was setting he’d caught the shine of something off in the far corner of the field. It hadn’t taken him long to get down there and when he arrived the shine he’d seen was the glisten of the sun off the metal of a hand held saw. The young man attached to the saw was beautiful. Cas could remember green eyes as green at the pine needles and a solid jaw that gave him a rugged look even though his outward appearance contradicted that of your typical farmer or country lad. He was wearing a pair of faded jeans with a plaid shirt underneath an oversized leather jacket. The boy froze when he heard Cas snap a twig under his boot. He looked startled like a deer caught in the headlights as he attempted to run off with the tree half felled. Unfortunately for the boy he tripped over a lose branch lying on the floor and went flying to the ground._

_“Hey calm down, its okay!” Cas approached with his hands held up trying not to startle the boy._

_“I’m sorry, I wasn’t stealing…okay maybe I was but you’ve got to understand my dad you see…” Cas shushed him quietly like he was trying to tame a wild animal._

_“Hey, its fine, clearly you were taking it for some other purpose cause who steals one tree…not to sell that’s for sure” Cas smirked a little which seemed to put the boy at ease. “What’s your name?” He asked putting his hands down but offering one out for the other boy to take, helping him to his feet carefully._

_“Dean…my names Dean, and I was only taking it because my baby brother Sammy you see he really wanted a real Christmas this year and Dad’s not here so I thought I’d give him one” Dean rushed it all out the panic still in his at the thought Cas might call the police on him. “Please don’t call the police” Dean pleaded the pine green eyes fixed to his._

_“Okay, don’t worry, I wont call the police…how olds your brother?” Cas asked which Dean wasn’t sure how to take. He seemed suspicious of the strange blue-eyed tree farmer._

_“He’s fourteen” Dean muttered still holding onto the saw his knuckles going white with the grip._

_“Every kid deserves a Christmas, take it” Cas pointed to the tree and the shocked wide eyes of Dean made him chuckle. “Seriously take it, call it an early Christmas gift, tell your brother merry Christmas” Cas added and the smile from Dean was so warming it clenched his heart tight in his chest._

_“Thank you…ugh…sorry I didn’t get your name?” Dean asked with a nervous smile and a blush to his cheek, nervous was cute on him Cas thought._

_“Just call me Cas” He smiled, “Now go before my dad finds us, he’s not as forgiving as I am” Cas turned serious and Dean simply nodded a word of thanks sawing off the last bit of the stump and lifting it high over his shoulder. Cas was impressed at his strength and not a little bit intrigued by the attractive thief._

….

“You made Sammy’s day that year” Dean muttered bringing Cas out of the memory.

“Every kid deserves a Christmas” Cas repeated, from memory, the words he spoke that day.

“I never got to thank you for that day” Dean spoke softly, “I wanted to so many times, I would see you in town but I could never bring myself to talk to you” Dean finished running his hand over the pine needles and shook himself off pulling in a sharp cold breath changing the subject before it got too much for his emotions. “Lunch time I think!” He declared with a cheesy grin. Cas smiled softly at him, letting it go for now but he knew he and Dean would have to talk eventually and not just about this but everything.


	9. Christmas cookies

They made it back to the house and Dean set about making them some sandwiches for lunch. Cas took the time to go get changed into a clean pair of jeans as the ones he was wearing were cold and wet at the ankles and splattered with mud up the legs. He could hear Dean whistling in the kitchen as he put their lunch together and the whole thing gave Cas a very domestic feeling one that made him feel strangely comfortable.

By the time he’d changed and wandered back into the kitchen Dean had set out two plates with stacked chicken sandwiches and two mugs of hot coffee on the breakfast bar.

“You hungry?” Dean asked sliding over the second plate and taking a sip of his coffee, his eyes focused on Cas over the rim of the mug.

“Could do with a coffee more than anything, thanks” He nodded at Dean taking his own mug, the warmth spread through his hands up his wrists as he held it close. He hadn’t realised just how cold it was outside.

Dean was picking at the corner of his own sandwich looking like a nervous child. Cas found himself staring and taking the time to note the freckles on Dean’s face and the way he nervously ran his hand through his hair making it stick up in odd places.

The strange smell was what caught Cas’ attention, and the strange creaking sound coming from the oven drew his gaze away reluctantly. There was smoke billowing up from the oven door as Dean snapped into action grabbing a cloth from the side wafting away the offending smoke. He yanked out a tray and slammed it onto the side yelping as he pulled his hand away shaking off the pain.

“Dean, are you okay?” Cas came to his aid grabbing Dean’s wrist without thinking about it. Dean yanked his hand away and stumbled over and into the counter behind him. The look of fear plastered on his face took Cas by surprise. “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to startle you, I just wanted to check your hand was okay” Cas rambled out never taking his concerned eyes off Dean. Cas had never seen anyone look so scared, Dean was breathing heavily holding his hand over his chest in a strained attempt to calm himself.

“It’s fine” Dean managed to mutter out but it wasn’t fine and Cas knew that, something had startled him and it had to do with Cas grabbing his wrist.

“You don’t have to talk to me that’s fine, but may I at least check your hands okay?” Cas pushed, he knew from experience that when someone said they were fine when they clearly weren’t it was better to let them come to you when they were ready.

“Yeah…sure, that’s fine” Dean hesitantly held his hand out but never took his other hand away from the vise like grip he hand on the work surface. Cas moved slowly making sure his hands were always visible to Dean, it was like he was approaching a wild animal as he carefully wrapped his hand over Dean’s wrist and slowly turned his palm face up.

“Looks like you’ve burnt it, you’ll have to run your hand under the cold tap for a while” Cas assessed and allowed Dean to move past him to the sink.

“Going to have to start those again” Dean huffed as he winced from the sharp cold water hitting his sensitive skin.

“What were trying to make?” Cas knew when someone was trying to change the topic and he respected Dean’s wishes.

“Chrismtas cookies” Dean huffed out a sigh as he looked over at the charcoal coloured ginger bread men.

“You bake?” Cas chuckled slightly as he tapped one of the cookies against the tray letting out a satisfying sound.

“Obviously not” Dean couldn’t help but laugh at the look on Cas’ face and at the ridiculous situation they now found themselves in.

“Why may I ask were you making cookies?” Cas threw the cookie back down and looked over at Dean.

“For the Christmas market tomorrow, it was your dad’s idea. Buy a tree get a free cookie and hot coco…he thought it was a nice touch” Dean added.

“I take it last year dad was the one who made the cookies?” Cas tried so hard to hold in the laugh but the ‘well duh’ look Dean gave him was too much. “Alright, I get the picture, it’s a nice thought…maybe I can help?” Cas offered rolling up his sleeves as he looked around the kitchen.

“What are you looking for?” Dean asked turning off the tap and following Cas’ gaze around the room.

“Flour!” Cas announced as he pulled open a seemingly random cupboard, “Ah ha!” he announced pulling out a big bag of all-purpose flour.

“You’re going to make cookies?” Dean asked scoffing slightly.

“Don’t act so surprised! I am my mothers son after all, she taught me how to bake before…well anyway I know a few tricks” Cas paused refusing to meet Dean’s sympathetic eyes at the mention of his mother.

“What was she like?” Dean asked, the tone of his voice changing from the light hearted banter they were just sharing. Dean moved closer to Cas who was busy pouring ingredients into a bowl. “Tell me about her?” Dean wasn’t pushing and was allowing Cas the opportunity to say no if he wanted to but he really did want to hear about her.

“She was great, from what little I remember of her anyway. She taught me how to bake, how to sew” Dean smirked at the mention of sewing, “Yeah, laugh it up Winchester, this man knows how to sew” Cas said proudly cracking an egg into the mixture.

“What else?” Dean asked keeping the soft smile on his face.

“She was funny and kind and she loved Christmas! Give that woman a Christmas tree and some tinsel and she was in her element” Cas laughed slowing down the wooden spoon he was using to mix the cookie dough.

“What changed?” Dean asked “When did you start hating Christmas?” he added hesitantly watching the wooden spoon rather than Cas.

“I don’t hate Christmas…” Cas whispered but with Dean standing so close it was hard not to hear him. “Christmas wasn’t as fun after she died, Dad started drinking and Bobby and Ellen did their best to make it nice for us every year, but it wasn’t the same” Cas finished with a glisten to his eyes that Dean pretended not to notice.

“I’m sorry” Dean spoke softly dragging his fingertip through some flour that had spilt onto the side. “There are two sides to every story…I made an assumption about yours and I’m sorry about that” Dean was referring to Cas’ relationship with his father. He still didn’t know Cas’ side of the story but he wanted to let him know he was there for him when he was ready to talk about it. “Come on, lets get these cookies made we’ve got a lot to get through before tomorrow” Dean patted Cas on the shoulder and set about helping with the cookies. Cas couldn’t help the smile that crept up onto his lips as he watched Dean try and fail to scoop a piece of eggshell out of his own mixture.


	10. A Proposition

It was just getting dark by the time they loaded the last of the bailed trees onto the trailer. The truck had arrived just after lunch, earlier than planned so they had to race to get the rest of the trees felled and bailed before the driver got impatient. 

“So where are these going?” Cas asked, it had been a few years since he’d worked the farm he wasn’t familiar with their orders anymore. 

“This lot are going to markets across the area that have ordered them in advance” Dean offered. He slapped his hand over the back of the now closed truck bed and watched the large shipment slowly bounce off over the uneven track.  
“So what about these other ones then?” Cas asked pointing at the pile of trees they’d stacked up earlier. 

“Those are for our Christmas market in town, I told you about it, we go and sell a couple of the nicer trees to the locals, that’s where the cookies come into play” Dean nudged him playfully as they walked back over to the house. 

“Ah right, good job I remade them then” This caused Dean to chuckle and Cas felt warm inside at the thought he’d made Dean laugh. 

“Show off…anyway, I should really go feed the girls and bring them in for the night, its supposed to snow and I don’t want them sitting out in it all night…” Dean trailed off looking anywhere but at Cas. 

“Yeah, of course, I have some work to get finished anyway before I head back” Dean’s eyes snapped at Cas at the mention of leaving. 

“When are you planning on heading back?” Dean asked nervously. 

“I was going to head back tomorrow…but a part of me needs to see this through, I cant just leave without sorting things out here…not again” Cas looked saddened by his own thoughts and Dean couldn’t help but place a reassuring hand on his shoulder gently squeezing. 

“Stay for Christmas at least?” Dean asked trying not to pressure him but also really wanting him to stay longer. 

Cas just starred into those green eyes and smiled warmly, it had been a long time since he’d celebrated Christmas properly and now he was home he felt the need to do things right this year. 

“Ok, I think I will” Cas beamed up at Dean. 

“Great! I’ll let the gang know, we can do Christmas dinner here it’ll be fun.” Dean sounded excited and Cas loved seeing him like that. “Anyway I should…” He pointed behind him at the paddock and awkwardly walked off gazing a little longer at Cas over his shoulder. 

Cas watched him leave for a little while longer, watched him as he reached the paddock and greeted the reindeer like old friends. Dean Winchester truly was a beautiful man. Cas shook away the thought forcing him to walk away. As he came round the corner back towards the house he could see the dust billowing up from the track down at the entrance and soon enough a smart looking silver car pulled up beside the house. He watched cautiously, not recognising the car, waiting for whomever it was to get out. He was surprised to see Crowley climb out the drivers seat and Balthazar from the passenger side. 

“What the…” Cas never expected them to actually show up. 

“Cassie! How have you been?” Balthazar approached first with open arms taking him up into an awkward hug that Cas didn’t reciprocate. 

“Not great…my father died” Cas deadpanned. 

“Of course, of course, I understand and that’s partly why I’m here” Balthazar suddenly didn’t know what to do with himself, not used to people being short with him. 

“Why are you here? I told you I’d get you the designs,” Cas added looking confused. 

“I know you did but you know me impatient as ever, I thought it would be best to come down and get them myself…plus it gives me an opportunity to survey the land” Balthazar added looking around him his eyes gleaming at the large quantity of space he saw before him. 

“Might I say Castiel, you’ve got a wonderful piece of land right here” Crowley who had opted to stay near the car, was also looking out over the fields with his hands shoved deep in his pocket. 

“That’s exactly what it is…my land…what are you doing here!” Cas snapped getting impatient and irritated by their presence. 

“Tut, tut, Cassie that’s no way to greet a friend, especially when that friend has driven hours to do you a favour” Balthazar spoke with malice in his voice. This was where he got his ruthless reputation from and Cas was experiencing it first hand. 

“Me a favour! How is building on my land going to help me?” Cas snapped. 

“Now, now, you were the one who said you wanted to settle up and come back to New York, I’m just going off what you wanted” Balthazar muttered, looking behind him at Crowley for backup, not that he felt like he needed it the guy was smug enough. 

“Yeah, well things have changed” Cas muttered glancing behind him in the direction of the barn hoping that Dean wouldn’t appear. 

“Like what? You did get the land didn’t you?” Crowley asked coming over to join the pair. 

“Well, yes but its not just mine, it wasn’t just left to me” Cas didn’t want to bring up Dean if anything the idea of these two knowing about or even speaking to Dean sent a chill down his spine. 

“Well that’s easy enough, you sell us your share of the land and your friend will just have to give up his share when we start building” Balthazar explained as if it were that simple. 

“He wont sell” Cas was straight forward, from what he knew of Dean he wouldn’t give up this place without a fight.

“You will though, and we have ways of persuading people…accidents can happen” Balthazar’s eyes were cold they almost appeared black as he spoke. 

“Are you threatening me?” Cas snapped taking a step closer to intimidate the man. 

“Of course not, we’re all friends here, no need to get nasty now is there” Balthazar warned his eyes burning into Cas. 

“We are here until Christmas eve, make sure you bring us those designs and while you’re at it sign these…and get your friend to sign too, there’s a good lad” Crowley slapped a brown envelope onto Cas’ chest snapping him back to the reality of the situation. 

“Come on Balthazar, Cas here has some paperwork to sort out” Crowley climbed back into the car shortly followed by Balthazar who just smirked at him the whole time. 

If Cas had ever had feelings for the guy before they were most certainly gone now. Blowing away with the dust as they drove away and off his land. 

He had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach as he just stood there with the envelope in his hand and tears stinging his eyes. It wasn’t long before he noticed Sam pulling up at the house with Jess jumping right out the truck and straight towards him. 

“Was that Balthazar and Crowley I just saw leaving, what did they want?” Jess asked sounding surprised. 

“Nothing, they were just chasing up those designs for the new housing” Cas muttered holding the envelope close and carefully as if it would explode if he jostled it too much. 

“Came a long way just for that, you sure that’s all it was” She asked sceptical of the look in Cas’ eye. 

“Yeah, I’m sure…anyway you and I need to talk!” Cas plastered on his best fake smile and nodded his head towards where Sam was waving goodbye from the car. 

Jess blushed fiercely as she waved him off turning to give Cas daggers. 

“There is nothing to tell…besides what about you and Dean hey!” She nudged him playfully and he grabbed her into a lose headlock rubbing her hair playfully. 

“So looks like neither of us have anything to tell” Cas laughed letting her go as he followed her into the house.


	11. Games

Jess had spent the last hour cooking up the biggest batch of Mac n cheese Cas had ever seen, complete with baked bread crumb topping that Cas kept nibbling at when he thought Jess wasn’t looking. The swift smack to the back of his hand had soon put a stop to that. 

“We wait for Dean!” She had barked swatting him away with a cloth, like keeping the flies away from the food at a summer BBQ. 

“Fine!” Cas had whined pouring himself a glass of red and one for Jess but he purposely put the glass in the living room to annoy her. 

It wasn’t long till Dean arrived back, stomping his boots clear of mud before entering the house and heading straight for the kitchen where the smell of melted cheese was drawing him in. 

“Cas! Dean’s back you can have some of this mac n cheese now!” Jess called from the kitchen, but Cas was already up like a shot nearly colliding with Dean coming out of the kitchen holding a bowl of warm food. 

“Woah, slow down speedy” Dean laughed locking eyes and for a moment Cas forgot all about his rumbling stomach, instead he was too focused on the ramming in his chest. 

“Cas! Dinner!” Jess called again sounding impatient and ruining the moment. 

“Coming!” Cas smiled warmly at Dean as he manoeuvred his way past him and into the living room. “Oh I set up a game in there I hope that’s okay” Cas muttered pointed back to the living room, Dean simply smiled at him and went to sit down. 

Cas had indeed set up a game, all he could find in the cupboards was an old monopoly board with no pieces so he’d made his own using popcorn and some old paints he found in the spare room. 

“So run this by me again…we each have a different coloured popcorn and if you land on something you want to buy you have to use the trees as payment?” Dean asked holding up a poorly painted Christmas tree card with the number 10 painted on it. 

“Yeah that’s your currency, the game didn’t have any money either for some reason” Cas was busy setting up the popcorn pieces on the start square and handing out the painted tree currency. 

“Cas this is so silly” Jess whined but she was secretly loving the inventiveness of it all. 

“Its all I could find okay” He moaned back. 

“I have a pack of cards upstairs you know we could just play…” 

“Nope, we’re doing this now, you each have your painted money and the popcorn is ready to go so come on lets have some fun” Cas interrupted and plastered a cheeky grin on his face directing it at Dean. “Who wants to go first” He rolled the dice between his fingers challenging Dean with his glare. 

“Throw it Cas” Dean smirked back, climbing down off the sofa sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the coffee table. 

At some point during the game Jess had taken a phone call from Sam, instructing Cas to take her turn for her. This resulted in her losing out on two of her properties that she wasn’t there to argue for and having to pay Dean for a number of houses she landed on unknowingly losing nearly all her Christmas tree currency to Dean. So when she got back with only five tree dollars to her name she wasn’t best pleased. 

“I told you to take my turn not bankrupt me!” She squealed at Cas who was trying his best to look innocent but he couldn’t help break out into a laugh when he caught Dean’s smirk. 

“Blame Dean, he was the one who bled you dry” he pointed at Dean who playfully swatted his hand away. 

“Come on man I thought we had a deal, no grasses in this game!” Dean whined but they all burst out laughing at how ridiculous this all was. 

“Fine, I forfeit my last 5 tree dollars to Cas, spend it wisely, and I shall be heading to bed” Jess stood up handing over the paper ceremoniously to Cas who took it gratefully. 

“I should head up soon as well, busy day tomorrow and Cas will be wanting his sofa back” Dean smirked sitting up on the sofa he’d climbed back into at some point during the game. 

“Actually I think I’ll sleep in dad’s room tonight” Dean gave Cas a careful look that turned into a warm smile. “Cant keep it locked up forever, besides the bed was a lot comfier than the couch” Cas scoffed.

“Fair enough, I’ll grab you an extra blanket then, it gets cold up there” Dean smiled back at Cas before disappearing down the corridor. Jess turned to smirk at Cas, her eyebrows rose in a knowing look. 

“What!” Cas snapped quietly so Dean didn’t hear. 

“Nothing, just…he’s getting you an extra blanket…that’s sweet,” Jess whispered moving closer to Cas. 

“Not you as well, he’s just being nice that’s all” He argued. 

“He couldn’t take his eyes off you all night, plus he kept favouring you during that game, letting you off from paying him when you landed on his squares” She sounded a little hurt but he knew she was only joking. 

“Just cause you lost” he nudged. 

“Ok fine I’m bitter about losing but you’ve got to admit he does seem to have taken a liking to you” She suddenly turned serious and Cas didn’t do serious very well. 

“Jess” Cas warned.

“Just talk to him, he seems like a nice guy…you don’t get too many of those in New York, so its worth hanging onto” She added giving Cas a quick kiss on the cheek before saying goodnight. 

“Goodnight Jess” Dean appeared beside her in the doorway holding a large grey blanket, he watched her disappear into her room before turning his attention back to Cas. 

“I could only find this, hope it’ll be alright” Dean put the blanket down on the couch and awkwardly stood with his hands in his pockets not really sure what to do with himself. 

“You want a drink Dean?” Cas asked suddenly getting up from his place on the floor and wandering over to a small cupboard by the fireplace. “Dad used to hide his good whiskey back here” Cas spoke as he rummaged around at the back of a cupboard full of bits and bobs. “Ah ha, told you it’d be here,” He announced with delight as he pulled it free from its hiding place. 

“I should really turn in…” Dean paused as Cas playfully teased the bottle in front of him with that stupid grin on his face. “Fine! One glass okay, then I really need to get some sleep” Dean laughed taking the empty glass from Cas and allowing him to pour a generous amount of the golden liquid into his glass. 

They were both sitting on the couch, silently sipping their drinks before the silence became too much for Dean and he had to break it. “So, I found something earlier…in the trash” Dean hesitated not sure if he should bring it up or not. He dug into his back pocket awkwardly pulling out a crumpled envelope with Cas’ name scrawled on the front in Chuck’s chicken scratch handwriting. 

“It must have fallen in there by mistake” Cas suddenly turned defensive and tried to snatch the letter away but Dean was too quick. 

“You going to tell me the truth now” Dean turned serious as he held the letter in his hand away from Cas. 

“You want the truth, I couldn’t face it…I know what he had to say and I’ve heard it all before, I don’t need to be reminded that I was a failure of a son” Cas spoke quietly knowing that Jess was asleep down the hall but also feeling the tightness in his chest making it harder to breath. 

“How do you know unless you read it” Dean spoke softly trying to match Cas’ volume. 

“Dean….” Cas got up from the couch abandoning his drink on the coffee table and began pacing. 

“Look, I don’t know what you went through and I wont pretend to understand how you feel cause I don’t, but I spent a lot of time with your dad I know how he felt” Dean paused standing up to move closer to Cas. “He told me what happened the day you left” 

“Oh really, he told you how he basically threw me out, told me that if I didn’t want to take over the business from him then I wasn’t welcome…he sent me away from the only home I ever knew, because I didn’t want what he wanted” Cas exploded he had held it in for so long and something about Dean made him snap. 

“He was afraid, that’s all it was, he was scared he was going to lose you…just like he lost your mom” Dean’s tone was soft but there was an edge of irritation behind it.

“Why didn’t he just say that then,” Cas sounded deflated all his energy was zapped. 

“He did, or at least he tried to, you never answered your calls” Dean didn’t mean to sound accusing but he couldn’t help how it was. “He had plans for this place, we both did, he tried calling you a few months back, he wanted you to do a complete re-design of the whole ranch” Dean explained, he huffed out an annoyed sigh before busying himself clearing up the mess on the coffee table. 

“He wanted me to…what plans did you have?” Cas asked genuinely intrigued as to what his father wanted him to do. 

“Its nothing” Dean huffed refusing to turn and face him. 

“Dean please, I want to know” Cas placed a gently hand over his back to get him to face him. 

“Fine, you know that winter wonderland idea I had…well me and your dad fine tuned it, so to speak, we thought in the winter months it would be this Christmas adventure with sleigh rides and pick your own trees…then in the summer we would open it up for kids to come and learn about reindeers and let them interact with them and care for them…its silly really” Dean was embarrassed at the excitement in his tone, he suddenly turned red in the cheeks and turned away again. 

“Its not silly, I like that idea, and dad liked it too?” Cas asked sceptical that his father would break from his tradition. 

“Yeah, that’s why he called you, he wanted your input” Dean sounded like he was pitching his idea to some high flyer not just to Cas in the living room. “You should read the letter” Dean added handing him the crumpled envelope and heading upstairs before Cas could argue further. 

Cas looked down at the slightly stained envelope turning it over in his hands, the fear was still there in the pit of his stomach but he found a new sense of curiosity around his father’s final words to him. 

………………………………………………………………………

Cas had settled into the bed, the grey blanket Dean got for him was wrapped tightly over his legs keeping him warm in the cold room. 

The only light came from the lamp on the bedside table, it was enough for Cas to read the words on the page. He nervously turned it around unpeeling the tab at the back revealing the handwritten letter within. He took a deep breath building up the courage before sliding it free and unfolding it. 

Dear Cas, 

As I’m writing this I’ve just been informed that I probably wont make it to Christmas. Dramatic I know but it’s the reality of the situation. I tried calling you a bunch of times but obviously you’re busy, so I thought writing you this letter would get your attention. You wont receive it until after I’m gone, I’m sorry for that, but you know me always the coward. It’s easier for both of us this way. 

I made many mistakes with you and I want you to know I regret every single one of those mistakes. I regret pushing you away, when all you wanted to do was follow your dreams, when I was forcing you to follow mine. I also regret the way I acted when you told me you were gay. I was scared for you. I didn’t want you to leave because I was being selfish, I missed your mom so much and the thought of losing you too was too much and I lashed out at you. New York is a big place full of people who might not care for someone whose gay, I was worried you’d get hurt that’s why I wanted you to stay and run the ranch with me. I see now that you only wanted to make your own way in life. I’m sorry for standing in your way. 

By the time you read this you’ll no doubt have met Dean, don’t be too hard on him, he’s a good man. Knowing you, you wont have liked the fact I’ve left half the ranch to him. I have my reasons and I hope in time you’ll begin to see those reasons for yourself. 

I had wanted to ask you, before the inevitable, to do me a favour, I know I have no right asking anything of you after what I’ve done. You were the only person I thought could do this for me. Dean has some great ideas son, and I want you to consider helping him on his way, you both deserve every success in life and I hope this could be the start of something great. All I ask of you is to use your talents to help make Dean’s dream happen, and who knows maybe you’ll find what you’ve been looking for too. Please consider this. I wont play the dying mans last wish card, but you get the picture. 

I love you son, and I am so proud of the man you’ve become, even if you can’t be proud of me. 

Always be true to yourself, and follow your dreams. 

Love,   
Dad. 

The tears were staining his cheeks as he let the floodgates open. Cas had never fully dealt with the emotions of leaving home. He loved his dad, always had, but after everything that happened he couldn’t find it in himself to return home. He knew now he had forgiven his dad a long time ago without even realising it. 

He frantically wiped the thick tears away smearing them across his cheek. He sniffed away the pain in his chest taking a deep breath and discarding the letter on the side. He had some work to do. 

Cas found his art pencils buried deep in his bag and searched the cupboards in the living room for his old sketchpads. He found an empty one tucked between some books on the shelf.

He sat down at the desk in the office to get started. His pencil moved so freely on the page and before he knew it the clock on the wall was chiming 6am. Nearly the whole sketchpad was filled with drawings and Cas looked down at the last picture and beamed at what he’d accomplished. 

A door creaked somewhere in the house, it sounded like it came from upstairs, startling Cas, he slammed the sketchpad closed and stuffed it into the bottom draw of the desk hiding it from whoever was coming his way. 

“Cas? What are you doing in here its so early” A rather groggy looking Dean appeared in the doorway of the study, his hair was sticking up in funny angles and he was wearing a set of chequered pyjama bottoms and nothing on the top, which distracted Cas far more than it should have done. “Cas? You okay?” Dean snapped Cas out of the stare he hadn’t realised he had on the other man. 

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just had some work to get finished and I must have lost track of time” He huffed out a tired laugh realising his lack of sleep. 

“Well since you’re up, you want breakfast?” Dean pointed behind him and Cas couldn’t help but feel warmed by the strange domestic atmosphere around them. 

“Coffee first” Cas beamed getting up and carefully moving past Dean, he could feel the warmth radiating from the other man and his eyes traced over the well carved muscles over his body. 

“Coffee it is” Dean paused, his speech slow as his eyes locked onto Cas who was now standing way too close for someone he hardly knew. They stood there in silence just breathing, their eyes locked, both men moving slowly closer to each other as the clock ticked on the wall behind them seemingly slowing down time. 

A loud cough snapped them both back to reality and Cas nearly cricked his neck turning to face the person who had interrupted their moment. 

“Jess! You scared us,” Dean laughed, holding his hand over his chest where his heart was pounding.

“Was I interrupting something” She smirked over at Cas who was still a bit dazed in his sleep-deprived state. 

“No, not interrupting, we were just going to get some coffee, you want some coffee?” Cas felt his cheeks burning as he took a giant step away from Dean out the door and past Jess darting for the kitchen. 

Jess pointed behind her at where Cas had just disappeared round the corner, “Is he okay?” She asked her voice that of a stage whisper. 

“He didn’t get much sleep” Dean informed her and her eyes shot open in shock as Dean ignored her reaction and followed Cas’ path to join him in the kitchen. 

“Weird” Jess muttered when she realised she was alone once more.


	12. Market

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for not updating this in so long, I've been really busy at work over the last month with it being Panto season and had no time for myself let alone writing. Luckily Panto finished today and I had a burst of inspiration to continue this story. 
> 
> I need to write the christmas day chapter which will probably be the next one I upload but for now I hope this bit of christmas fluff sees you into the new year. 
> 
> As always I write for fun but if there is anything you wish to say about my work then do not hesitate to comment, good or bad.

Dean was loading up the truck with the last few remaining Christmas trees that were intended for the market. Cas was gazing out the window, letting his eyes wander over Dean’s shoulders as they flexed through the plaid shirt he was wearing. He was so distracted by the racing in his chest that he’d all but forgotten about the cookies in his hand that he was supposed to be packing up to take with them. 

“Something caught your eye?” Jess smirked from the door, the shock of her voice made Cas drop the handful of baked goods he’d been holding. 

“Damn it Jess, you made me break some” Cas frantically wiped up the crumbs from the work surface and tried to salvage the ones not broken in the chaos. 

“Well you should have been paying attention then shouldn’t you” She appeared beside him snatching one of the broken pieces and shoving it into her mouth. 

“Those are not for you, and I was paying attention” Cas snapped, the annoyance clear in his voice but he wasn’t angry at her, more embarrassed that he’d been caught. 

“Not to the cookies you weren’t” She elbowed him playfully and followed his gaze back out the window where Dean was finishing up, throwing the last tree on top of the pile and turning to wave them both out. “Think your boyfriends ready to go” She smirked taking a bite from another broken cookie. 

“He’s not my boyfriend, pack that in” Cas snapped taking the cookie off her and slamming it into the box with the others. 

“Have fun! Sam and I will be by later, save me one of those cookies,” She yelled from the front door as she followed Cas out. He begrudgingly waved her off before climbing into the passenger seat of his dad’s old truck, Dean’s truck, he had to remind himself that it was Dean’s business now. 

“Everything okay?” Dean asked as he hopped effortlessly into the drivers seat and set off. 

“Yeah, its fine” Cas answered but his eyes never wandered from the road ahead for fear of falling into Dean’s green eyes. 

………………………………………………………….

It was still early when they got there but they weren’t the first to arrive, some of the others stalls had already begun setting up and by the looks of things Charlie and her mom had already finished setting up their wreath making stall. 

The market was a staple of the town at Christmas time, and Cas couldn’t help but be reminded of all the times he used to man the stall with his dad as a kid. Only back then they didn’t hand out cookies with every tree purchased, that was Dean’s clever thinking. 

There was a family wandering through the trees and a young girl, probably no older than five, standing with her head hung low as she trudged behind her family. Cas caught her eye and tried a soft smile and a little wave but the girl just stuck her thumb in her mouth and trailed after her family. He shrugged off the moment as best he could but the young girl seemed to stick in his mind. Maybe she reminded him of himself as a kid, not one for Christmas ever really in his life because he lived it all year round with the ranch. He never could get into the Christmas spirit. 

“Hey kiddo, you know Santa doesn’t visit children with sour faces” Cas heard Dean’s rough voice, breaking him from his thoughts. He looked around and settled on where the voice had come from. Not far away the family where all cooing over this one bushy looking tree, around 6ft with a wide base that made the tree look fuller than it was. It was the kind of tree that Chuck would be proud of and something he would strive for every year. 

The little girl still had her thumb in her mouth and she wrapped her free hand around her little body trying to make her seem as small as possible. 

“Mary, what do you think to this tree isn’t it wonderful” The girls mother was gently stroking one of the pines branches trying to engage her daughter in the family outing. 

The girl, Mary, shook her head forcefully and turned her back to them. Cas watched as Dean crouched in front of her. She eyed him carefully watching his every move like prey watching for danger. 

“Which one do you want?” Dean whispered as if it were a big secret just between them. 

Mary pulled her thumb free slowly so she could respond. “I want that one” She spoke just above a whisper, pointing back the way they’d come from at a tatty little tree sitting all on its own. Cas remembers putting it over there out of the way with the view of throwing it on the compost when they got home. Dean was looking over at the tree with a big sparkly grin on his face, he had an idea, that was his great idea look. Cas shook off that thought as quickly as it came, he shouldn’t know what Dean’s idea face looked like or be able to recognise it. 

“I like that one too” Dean spoke softly before turning back to face Mary. 

“Mummy doesn’t like it, she said it wasn’t worth wasting baubles on” Mary muttered, the tears beginning to form. 

“Well that’s where she’s wrong, that there is a special tree you know why?” Mary shook her head, her thumb making a temporary home back in her mouth. “Because you picked it, see it’s a bit tatty, its not very tall and some of its branches have fallen off, so to most people it wont be worth the effort….but you see every tree is special when it has someone to love it” Dean nudged her playfully causing her to smile over her thumb. 

“I love that tree,” She giggled. 

“Yeah you do, because you still see it as a tree you don’t care that its branches are broken…” Dean paused and his eyes briefly fell on Cas who was watching the whole exchange with a hammering heart. “Tell you what, Mary. You take that tree home with you for free, and I want to see it decked out with as many baubles as you can fit on it” Dean tickled her and she yelped with glee. 

“Really, thank you” She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a tight squeeze. 

“You’re welcome darlin’ now this is on one condition okay” Dean began and she nodded, ready to agree to anything as long as she got her special tree. “You have to stop frowning, remember what I said about Santa” Dean ran his hand over her blonde hair and traced his fingers over her plated braid. 

“I promise, thank you Dean” She skipped off merrily back to her family, her tiny tantrum all forgotten thanks to Dean. 

Dean stood up and made his way over to where Cas was supposed to be tying some string around a tree ready for sale. 

“You were great with her” Cas spoke softly playing with the string in his hand. 

“Ah, it was nothing, she had the same problem last year as well, at least this years tree has some life left in it, should have seen the twig she took home last year” Dean laughed and the sound vibrated through Cas’ chest, which didn’t help his hammering heart. 

“You knew what was wrong with her before you even went over there?” Cas asked a smirk on his face as he realised what Dean had done. 

“Of course I did, got to know your customers Cassy” Dean grabbed the string from Cas letting their hands touch for just a moment. 

“I guess I’ve got a lot to learn” Cas muttered and he couldn’t escape the hope that appeared in Dean’s eyes at his comment. 

“Thought you needed to head back to New York?” Dean asked, the smile on his face wouldn’t go away no matter how hard he tried and the hope lingered in his eyes. 

“I do, but I have a few things to finish off here first” Cas added, his dad’s words coming to the forefront of his mind. 

They settled into silence as they continued to work, the only sound was the excited squeals from Mary as Dean wrapped up her special tree to take away.


	13. Secrets

They’d been there most of the day and Cas could no longer feel his fingers through his thin gloves, he’d had to borrow from Dean. Dean, meanwhile, was busy packing away the last few tatty trees into the back of the truck. He paused after hurling one tree onto the top of the pile long enough to let out a deep breath. He looked over his shoulder, the air swirling around him in the cold. 

“You okay Cas, you’ve been awfully quiet” Dean asked approaching Cas slowly with his hands shoved deep into his coat pockets. 

“Just thinking about earlier, I know I said I was going to be sticking around but…You have to know it wont be forever” Cas couldn’t help the stab in his chest at the downtrodden look that flashed across Dean’s face. 

“I figured as much, I’m not gonna lie to you man, I don’t think I can do this alone…but you have a life in New York I get that, I don’t expect anything from you” Dean turned to head back to the truck but Cas pulled him back by his shoulder. 

“You know that if you ever need anything you can just call me right, I promise I’ll answer this time” Cas nervously chuckled at the risky joke and the half attempted smile from Dean told him it hadn’t gone down badly. 

“I know, it’ll just be the day to day stuff, It’ll take longer to get things fixed up for the relaunch that’s all. Dean muttered and Cas’ eyes sparkled. 

“You’re going through with the plan?” Cas was grinning from ear to ear. 

“You’re okay with that?” Dean sounded sceptical. 

“Of course I am! Dean its an amazing idea” Cas smiled warmly at him and Dean just blushed bright red, running his hand over his face and through his hair trying to cover it up. 

“Yeah well…it’ll take some time now you’re leaving but I’m not alone, I realised that a long time ago” Dean smiled warmly, Cas couldn’t help but wonder who he was thinking of. His family, Sam, Bobby, maybe Ellen. Cas knew Bobby had been there for the boys much like he had with him when he was young. He didn’t know much else when it came to Dean Winchester or his past. “Anyway, enough yapping, why don’t you head over to the diner and get us some take out whilst I finish up here” Dean was very good at changing the subject, Cas had noticed, especially when it got too close to personal. 

“Yeah sure, I’ll be right back” Cas hesitated a few moments, half expecting Dean to say something else, hoping more like. 

……………………………………………………………

When Cas entered the diner he saw Charlie’s flash of orange hair immediately behind the counter as she waved him over. 

“Cas sit down, what can I get you?” She continued to wipe down the surface with a wet cloth. 

“Couple of burgers to go please, Dean’s waiting in the truck” Cas nonchalantly pointed back out the door with his thumb. The raised eyebrow look from Charlie with the shit eating grin made his stomach twist. “Stop that! Nothings going on” Cas warned pointedly. 

“Oh come on Cassy, its not as if you don’t like him! Besides everyone knows he’s had a crush on you since senior year!” Charlie continued on with her duties as she spoke so engrossed in her task that she didn’t even notice the wide eyed deer in the headlight look from Cas. 

“He what?” Cas exclaimed but he never got the chance to hear an answer, the bell above the door put a stop to their conversation. 

“Oh no, not again! I told you not to come back here now get gone!” Charlie yelled from behind the counter, although Cas was worried if the counter hadn’t been there the poor guy that just entered the diner would be on his arse right now. 

“It’s okay darling I’m here to see Castiel and then I’ll be out your pretty auburn hair” That voice, not again. Cas sighed deeply turning in the high stool he’d found himself in. 

“Balthazar, I’ve already emailed you the designs, there’s no reason for you to still be here” Cas explained calmly but his blood was slowly coming to a boil beneath the surface. 

“I know you plan to head back to New York, overheard you and your cowboy talking about it earlier, no use denying it…I also know he wont be able to run the place all on his lonesome…best to cut his losses don’t you think” Balthazar’s voice cut through his perfectly white teeth. 

“It’s none of your damn business what our plans are…besides, I can help him from New York its not impossible. I’ve already told you the land is off limits so you better find yourself another ranch owner to bully” Cas stood up, not quite reaching to Balthazar’s height but he didn’t care. The gravel in his voice and the vein popping out his neck was enough to intimidate anyone. 

“I don’t give up easily, you get Dean to sign over the land! You’ve only kept your job for this long because you have something I want…Safe to say the partnership promotion is off the table…If you don’t give me what I want, then you’ll be stuck designing one room showrooms for the rest of your career” Balthazar snarled. It was supposed to scare him into submission but something about the threat didn’t register with Cas. If he had made this threat a week ago he would have complied in a heart beat, but now…

“You have till after Christmas, I’m being generous now, wouldn’t want to ruin the holidays” Balthazar stalked out the diner, flashing Charlie his perfect grin as he went. 

“Was he after the land again?” Charlie raced over to Cas who was just about regaining the feeling in his legs. 

“How did you know about that?” Cas asked. 

“Overheard them talking about it the other day. They were coming up with ways to threaten you into agreeing so I chucked them out, told them we didn’t want their kind around here…I’ve always wanted to use that line, but everyone around here is too lovely for me to ever get to use it” Charlie beamed. 

“At least something good came from all this” Cas huffed out a short laugh running his hand over his face. “It’s my fault, I told him I was thinking of selling” Cas sighed watching sidelong at Charlie for her reaction. When she only smiled sympathetically at him grabbing his arm for reassurance, he couldn’t help but relax. “You knew, and you aren’t mad at me?” he asked sceptical of her reaction. 

“They told me it was your idea, its why they came down here, but I know you! Deep down this has always been your home and no suit with a shark tooth grin is going to convince you to sell it.” 

“This hasn’t been home in a long time Charlie….” She raised her eyebrows at him again, he sighed deeply “Okay fine, being back here it’s like I never left, its my home it always has…and if I have anything to say about it, it always will be!” Cas slammed his fist down on the counter with mock glee, as Charlie chanted out a “Hell Yeah!” 

“Go get em cowboy!” Charlie whooped and some of the other customers at the back of the diner who seemed oblivious to the drama now turned to see what the commotion was all about. 

…………………………………………………………………..

Cas arrived back at the lot to find Dean had packed everything away and was indeed waiting in the truck. Cas climbed in with the food tucked neatly on his lap. Dean glanced over neither of them saying a word for a few beats, Cas hadn’t even made eye contact with him, there was something in the air between them that made Cas feel really uncomfortable. 

“Everything okay?” Dean broke the air with his rough voice. 

“Yep, why wouldn’t it be?” Cas flicked his eyes over but they settled on the steering wheel for half a second before fixing back on the horizon. 

“You seem a bit shaky is all…” Dean paused letting his breath fall, as he seemed to get up the nerve to speak. “I saw that guy heading into the diner, it didn’t look friendly” Dean was asking more than observing and Cas knew that, he just didn’t know how to tell him what was going on. 

“He’s a co-worker, from New York” Cas muttered half under his breath but he wanted Dean to hear him. 

“New York huh, what’s he doing way out here?” Dean seemed to laugh but there was no humour behind it. When Cas didn’t answer Dean began to get riled up, “Cas you going to tell me what’s going on or what?” Dean almost snapped but he held back his anger, he didn’t even know what was going on, it could be totally harmless. 

“He’s on my case about some designs he’s been waiting for, I emailed them this morning” Cas waved it off like it was nothing, knowing full well it wasn’t. 

“You seemed pretty pissed when he turned up, he not like the designs or something” Dean asked. 

“Or something” Cas muttered looking out his side window to try and avoid eye contact at all cost.

“Is that why you were up at that stupid hour this morning? Finishing those designs? Doesn’t he know your dad died, they could cut you some slack don’t you think” Dean was ranting now and Cas didn’t have the heart to cut him off. Here he was defending Cas for what he thought was an injustice on him when the reality of the situation could ruin everything that had grown between them in the last few weeks. 

“That wasn’t why…Look can we just drop it, I don’t have to worry about it now till I get back to New York, lets just enjoy the holidays…please” Cas looked him square in the face now and Dean felt his eyes hit him like a shot gun cap. 

“Sure thing Cas, sorry I brought it up” Dean looked heartbroken but Cas refused to let it get to him because he knew that it would be a hell of a lot worse once Dean found out the truth.


	14. Christmas Day Part 1

Christmas morning broke like any other day since he’d arrived. He woke up early, trudged downstairs to find Dean had made yet another breakfast waiting on the side for him. The only difference this morning were the clattering of pots and pans and raised voices shouting from various corners of the house. 

“Bobby will you put that down, stop trying to help and go get the damn logs like I asked you to do ten minutes ago, Sam go help him” Ellen was commanding the kitchen just like she did every year and truth be told Cas had missed this chaotic kind of morning. 

“But Ellen” Sam whined like a five year old. He had been stretched out on the sofa with Jess nestled beside him, he was stroking her long blonde hair that she seemed to be letting fall free these past few weeks more than usual. 

“Now boy, you aren’t so big I cant smack your behind the ear anymore” Ellen warned holding up a bright red spatula in warning. Sam took no chances as he darted for the door, awkwardly clambering over Jess who moaned at him in response. 

It seemed to Cas that no one had actually noticed he was standing there the whole time, in amongst the chaos of it all. Until that is, Dean appeared nearly getting run down but his much bigger, young, brother. 

“Woah, there big fella, slow it down” Dean laughed as he slapped his brother’s arm on the way past. Dean seemed to freeze in the doorway his eyes falling on Cas who was still standing at the bottom of the stairs just taking it all in. Dean’s eyes lit up as he beamed a bright smile directed solely at Cas. “Merry Christmas Cassy” Dean took a few steps towards him and Cas could feel his heart racing. But the moment was short lived as Jo came sliding past them with a tray full of freshly baked pies. 

“Coming through!” She bellowed as she appeared beside her mother holding out the delicious desert. 

“You sharing those, Jo?” Dean demanded, sliding in behind Jo reaching round over her much shorter form to reach for the pies. His attempts were squandered by the sting of a large red spatula making contact with the back of his hand. 

“Jesus Ellen! What was that for?” Dean whined just like his brother. 

“You know the rules, every year I have to do that, when will you learn?” Ellen asked rhetorically. 

“They’re just so damn good” He charmed, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before sulking out the kitchen back into the corridor. “You have a moment?” Dean’s playful manner was suddenly replaced with a much softer smile and a gentle touch to Castiel’s elbow. Cas who had been so wrapped up in just watching his family interact that he hadn’t noticed the warm sensation now coursing up his arm towards his chest. Cas had lost all words as Dean’s bright green eyes were glued to him. Cas simply nodded his lips parted like a gaping fish, he must look a picture right now. 

Dean lead Cas out onto the deck, the air was fresh this morning and seemed to nip at Cas’ cheeks as he realised he wasn’t wearing a coat. Dean was leaning across the railing, his hands buried beneath his chest for warmth as he looked out across the pine fields that stretched all the way to the horizon. 

“You’re happy here, at least you seem happier now than when you first arrived home” Dean observed never taking his eyes off the horizon and Cas simply stared at the back of his head wide eyed at the accuracy in his statement. 

“So what if I am” Cas huffed out a short laugh, more for Dean to know he wasn’t actually mad at him, as he moved to stand beside the other man against the railing. 

“I was just thinking about what you said, now before you interrupt me, I know you said you need to head back to New York and I respect that I do…but the selfish part of me wishes you could stay” Dean looked over his shoulder at Cas his eyes brimmed with what Cas could have sworn were tears but it could just be the cold. Dean sniffed as if to cover his tracks. “A part of me thinks you want to stay” Dean muttered but loud enough for Cas to hear and suck in a cold breath as his chest tightened. How was it that in such a short space of time this man had got so under his skin that he knew exactly what he was thinking. 

“Dean” Cas dragged out his name along with the breath he’d been holding. “Even if I wanted to stay, and I’m not saying I do, I would be giving up so much in New York” Cas was tracing his finger over an imperfection in the grain of the railing, focusing on anything other than Dean. 

“Like what?” Dean asked, so matter of fact, as he turned to face Cas with his arm leaning casually against the railing. “Other than your job that is” Dean added with a playful smirk on his face, he seemed like he was up to something. 

“It took me years to get to the position I’m in now” Cas defended but it was weak and even he knew it. 

“Year of hard work spent in a job that, correct me if I’m wrong here, you lost the spark for a long time ago” There was that smug face again, the one that sent chills up Cas’ spine and infuriated him all at the same time. 

“I don’t hate my job if that’s what you’re implying” Cas argued turning to face Dean only in comparison to Dean’s rather relaxed composure, Cas was stood up straight the tension in his back evident. 

“I’m not saying that, but you don’t have the same passion for it anymore that’s all” Dean lost the smile as he delved deeper into Cas’ feelings. He was treading on toes right now and he knew that but he needed Cas to admit something. “If you can give me one more reason why your life in New York is so much better, then I’ll let this go” Dean added his tone had changed dramatically as he starred Cas down. Cas knew in his heart that there wasn’t anything keeping him in New York no commitments, he rented his flat, he had no possessions to speak of and certainly no love life keeping him grounded. 

“Exactly” Dean muttered as he turned back to face the horizon. 

“Look, you cant just put me on the spot like that and then claim to know everything there is to know about my life, you barely know me as it is” Cas snapped he wasn’t angry and the whine in his voice made that clear but he was desperate to sink back into the anonymity he’d created. Very few people were privy to the inner workings of Castiel Novak’s feelings and deep-seated emotions. The real Cas was a hard nut to crack and he made it that way, he didn’t like people getting too close and here he was facing off to a guy he’d know for all of two weeks and he’d hit the nail on the head. 

“I know you, Cas” Dean snapped his eyes at him and the hints of amber in his eyes seemed to burn into his very soul. 

“What do you know about me?” Cas demanded, although his voice was soft almost like he was crying out for someone to see him, the real him. 

“I know that you hate letting people get close to you, which stems from years of being by yourself, I get it believe me, I was on my own even before my dad died so I get how you feel. Letting people get close is scary, you’re afraid of getting hurt” Dean was invading Cas’ space now, his voice soft and low as he dug deeper into Cas’ heart. 

“It’s easier that way” Cas wasn’t going to deny it, there was no point, Dean could read him like a book. 

“For you maybe, I got sick of being alone, of feeling so alone” Dean exaggerated the last part the emotion getting to him. “My dad never cared about me, not really, you were the first person to show me any semblance of human compassion…you taught me that people can be kind” Dean took a step back his feet suddenly becoming a very interesting subject to him. 

“The tree” Cas spoke softly. 

“Yeah, you could have stopped me, instead you helped me…from that day on I wanted nothing more than to know you, I used to watch you walking home from school, sometimes with Charlie but mostly you were alone” Dean sighed rubbing his hand over his neck like he does when he’s nervous. “I wanted so badly to talk to you, but I was terrified my dad would find out, he wasn’t exactly keen on the idea of my interest in guys” Dean huffed out a laugh that wasn’t very funny. 

“He knew?” Cas sounded worried for him. 

“Yeah, he overheard me and Sammy talking about, you actually, I was such an idiot…I should have checked before I opened my mouth, I thought dad was out cold from his latest binge but he’d come round not long before we started talking” Dean was slipping into the memory, Cas could tell, he saw it in the way his eyes wandered off to the horizon but he wasn’t taking any of it in.

“What happened?” Cas asked. 

“Nothing good” Dean huffed again. 

“I’m so sorry…” Dean held up his hand to stop Cas from going any further. 

“Don’t, I’m no telling you this for you to feel sorry for me, I’m telling you this to prove that I do know you…I know how it feels” 

“I never had anything like what you went through, Dean” Cas began to dispute him but again Dean just shook his head to stop him. 

“That’s not what I meant, after my dad died I came looking for you, sounds stupid when I say it now…a part of me wanted to see if I could finally get something I wanted, now that dad was finally gone. What I found instead was not something I wanted, but it was certainly something I needed” Dean’s smile was back on his lips as he remembered. 

“What was that?” Cas asked, confused as to what he was referring to. 

“I found a home” 

Cas lost his breath at that. He felt so deeply for this man standing before him, in so many ways. He felt his pain from the abuse he faced from his father, he felt the loneliness he sometimes caught in his eyes and he related to this very statement, he was home. 

“Your dad took me in and let me work for myself for a change and not because I was forced to, he was kind to me just like you were the day we met…and he gave me a roof over my head, something that was always an uncertainty growing up” Dean was full of passion now as his hands waved widely around him, pointing out into the fields when he talked about work and back at the house when he talked about a roof over his head. His hand reached out and froze when he talked about finding a home. “I know you because we have something very important in common, we both have a home, right here!” Dean pointed to the floor in emphasis of his point. “Before you deny it, hear me out” Dean paused reaching round to his back pocket where he pulled out a familiar looking wad of paper. 

“The contract!” Cas whispered. 

“I know you think of this place as home, because if you didn’t, you would have signed this a week ago and left the day after your father’s funeral” Dean’s voice was stern, like he’d practiced this very speech. 

“Where did you get that?” Cas asked the panic setting in. 

“You left it in the study the other morning, you seemed off and I wanted to know what was bothering you…safe to say I found to cause” Dean didn’t seem angry, which surprised Cas.

“I was going to tell you….I just…Oh god….I cant breath” Cas clutched a hand to his chest he really was struggling to breath, was this what a panic attack felt like, his head felt light and his vision was blurring from what he didn’t realise was actually tears forming. 

“Hey, hey calm down, it’s okay, come here” There was something light in Dean’s voice as if he found the whole thing somewhat amusing but as soon as he wrapped his arms around Cas he felt the other man’s trembles and he held on tighter. Setting Cas’ head down slowly into the crook of his neck, resting against his shoulder. He shushed quietly against the top of his head. Hesitantly he placed a kiss against his temple pulling him closer. They was so close, it was such an intimate act and Cas in his state did the only thing he really wanted to do, he wrapped his arms tightly around Dean’s back and clenched his fists into his plaid shirt. He breathed in deep, the smell of morning air and pine needles hit his senses and it was Dean’s scent. 

“I’m so sorry” Cas muttered into Dean’s shirt. 

“Don’t be sorry, I know you weren’t going to sign it, maybe a part of you wanted to at the beginning but not anymore” 

“How do you know that, how could you possibly know how I feel?” Cas pulled away his hands still clenched tightly to the other man’s shirt but he wanted to look Dean in the eye. 

“Like I said…I know you” Dean ran a hand over Cas’ hair letting his hand settle on the back of his neck. “That and Charlie told me what happened at the diner” Dean laughed and Cas’ face lit up, he couldn’t hold back the scoff the escaped his lips at the ridiculousness of the situation he now found himself in. Yesterday he was so worked up over what to do and here was this amazing man giving him a way out. 

“Thank you, Dean” Cas let out a breath of relief as he found his way back into Dean’s embrace letting his face lay on his shoulder again so he could breath in that scent he loved so much. 

“Anything for you Cassy” Dean was stroking the soft hairs that fell over Cas’ neck, comforting the other man. 

“I’ll stay” Cas whispered into his neck and Dean tensed in his arms. 

“If I didn’t know any better I’d swear you just said you’d stay” Dean pulled back slightly to look him in the eye. 

“I did” Cas said very matter of fact as if it were a given. 

“Damn you Castiel” Dean muttered but the smile on his face was unmistakable. 

They stayed there for what felt like an age just smiling and holding each other, it took Cas a moment to realise he’d crept forward so much so his lips were brushing against Dean’s before he even knew he wanted them to. Dean closed his eyes and crashed his lips to Cas’ taking in a deep breath to hold him there as long as he could. Cas’ hands clenched tighter into his shirt as he turned his head to deepen the kiss. It wasn’t long before Dean had opened his mouth and was surging forward against him, the passion was intense and Cas never wanted this kiss to end. Unfortunately the smack of paper against decking broke them apart from not only the kiss but each other as they jumped back into reality. 

“Damn it” Cas moaned at the contract that now lay on the deck between them as if it were the papers fault they had to stop. 

Dean just laughed at him wrapping his arm over his shoulder turning them back towards the house. “Come on, Ellen has a strict schedule we need to keep to anyway, unless you want to feel the wrath of her spatula” Dean mocked as he lead them back inside where the festivities were well under way. 

“Dean, Cas come on we’re about to do presents” Jo jumped excitedly from the living room door waving them inside. 

“Are we going to tell them what just happened?” Cas asked the sudden fear of telling his family, not necessarily about Dean, he didn’t care that they knew that, but the whole sale of the land situation.

“Lets just enjoy the holidays shall we” dean smirked placing a kiss to the side of Cas’ head before letting him go and allowing Cas to take the lead into the living room.


	15. Christmas Day Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a longer chapter so I hope you enjoy it.

Bobby and Sam had returned from fetching the logs and had started up a fire. The Warmth quickly spread through the room but the fire wasn’t the only thing that warmed Cas up. He was still reeling from the intense moment he’d shared with Dean outside and now here they were all of them crammed into the small living room, Dean pressed to his side where they sat on the two seater sofa by the window. 

“Who wants to go first?” Jo announced, she seemed to have placed herself in charge of the festivities. Ellen was in charge of lunch and Jo was in charge of everything else. It was Bobby’s job to do as he was told. 

“I suppose I’ll go first” Sam seemed to shift nervously in his seat, he and Jess were back on the main sofa but he shifted away from her slightly as he reached for a bag of presents by his leg. “Um, this ones for Ellen and Bobby” Sam announced grabbing a large, badly wrapped, present and handing it over to Ellen who was sitting in the arm chair with Bobby perched on the arm by her side. 

“Thank you Sammy” Ellen chimed warmly as she took the present and placed it on her knee. Sam watched her carefully for a moment before she realised why he was starring. “Oh I’ll wait for everyone else you carry on” Ever the mother, Sam chuckled as he passed a present over to Jo who was curled up on the floor next to the fire, her eccentric Christmas jumper was enough to tell the passing stranger just how much she enjoyed Christmas. 

She tore into the wrapping like she was a kid and she paused when she felt her mothers glare on her from across the room. “What? Just cause you have self restraint on Christmas doesn’t mean the rest of us do” She laughed and Sam couldn’t help but let out that low manly laugh of his. 

“Okay, Dean next” Sam passed a present across to Dean who took it slightly unwillingly. He always hated when his brother spent money on him, probably from years of trying to take care of Sam. That and he never truly felt like he deserved it. “Just take it will you” Sam laughed almost shoving it into his lap. 

“Thanks, Sammy” Dean smiled warmly at his little brother and carefully pulled away the wrapping to reveal a leather bound notebook of sorts. He pulled it free from the rest of the paper and he felt his eyes sting with tears when he saw his initials ‘D.W.’ in gold threat on the front cover. “Sammy, this is…thank you” Dean held it against his chest, it was the best he could offer in the way of a hug from across the room and Sam understood the sentiment. 

“I know you like to keep a diary, of sorts” Sam laughed “But I figured you should start using an actual diary instead of napkins from Charlie’s diner” Sam had a smirk on his face but there was no humour there, he felt for his brother and the care and love that went into the gift was evident. 

“Whose next?” Jo chimed in breaking them all of the sweet moment between the two brothers. The mechanics 101 textbook that Sam had gotten for her lay on her lap and she carefully flicked over the pages with a smile. 

“Next up, Cas, now I didn’t know what to get you but Dean had a few suggestions, so I hope you like it” Sam passed across a small wrapped gift to Cas who accepted it was a gracious smile. 

“Thank you” Cas carefully pulled away the corners. Unlike Jo he was the type of person to savour a gift and liked to preserve the paper. Inside was a set of art pencils, high quality from Cas’ experience on the item. 

“Dean said the set you have is a bit dated so I figured you could start again with a new set” Sam chimed in explaining the reasoning behind the gift. 

“I was using dad’s old set, for a long time, a few of them have started to crack so I really appreciate this Sam, thank you” Cas stroked the cover of the pencils and smiled. It was going to be hard letting go of his dad’s old set, he’d been using them ever since he left for New York, but Sam was right it was about time for a change. Cas looked up at Dean who was doing everything to avoid looking at Cas and he couldn’t help but smile at how adorable it was.

“Last but not least, Jess, now I know we haven’t know each other all that long but I wanted to get you something that showed just how much you mean to me.” Sam took a deep breath before slowly lowering himself to the floor with one knee down and the other holding him up. 

“Sammy, what are you doing?” Dean practically jumped from his seat but didn’t dare make a move to stop his brother. 

“Quiet, Dean, I know what I’m doing…Jess you can absolutely say no and I’d understand but I’ve never met anyone like you before and this is beyond crazy but I cant imagine my life without you now…so…Jessica Moore…this is insane…but will you marry me?” Sam held his breath and Jess sat there with wide eyes and a silent gasp of breath as she tried to steady herself. 

“Are you sure?” Jess hesitated as she reached out for Sam’s hands holding them tight in her grasp. 

“Of course I’m sure, look I know how mad this is but I mean it!” Sam added, he was a rational man and an intelligent one he wasn’t doing this for nothing. 

“Then yes” Jess huffed out a relieved laugh as she knelt down in front of Sam to get close to him.

“Wait what?” Dean all but barked. 

“Dean!” Sam warned from his place on the floor, with Jess still wrapped in his arms they climbed back up onto the sofa. He gave Dean a warning look, which softened when he saw his brother’s eyes. “Dean you don’t have to worry okay, I know what I’m doing” Sam’s tone was warning Dean to let it go. 

“I’m not worried okay, its your life and you clearly care for each other, its just a shock that’s all” Dean softened he had seen just how much the pair had grown attached to each other over the last few weeks since she arrived and she was a sweet girl. He didn’t not approve, it just wasn’t something Dean would ever do. 

“Thank you, I guess” Sam spoke cautiously trying to judge his brother’s intentions. 

“Come here little brother” Dean made his way across the room and reach out for the taller man. They held each other tight for a few moments before letting go. It was their way of knowing everything was going to be okay between them. 

“I suppose congratulations is in order” Ellen chimed in from her place in the room, the two brothers intimate moment seemingly forgotten. “I’ll get the champagne!” She announced loudly and Jo leapt up to embrace Jess and go help her mother. It wasn’t long before it was just Dean, Cas and Sam left in the room. 

“Suppose they didn’t want their presents then” Dean laughed as he pulled round a bag of gifts from behind the sofa. “Sammy you can have this” Dean wasn’t one for emotions where he could avoid it, despite their little display. 

“Thanks Dean” Sam opened up the flat square parcel and found him own smile looking back. Dean had got a large print photo done of the pair of them at Sam’s graduation, they looked so happy and Sam couldn’t help the tears in his eyes. 

“Don’t go crying on me now” Dean warned patting his brother on the shoulder before taking a seat back beside Cas. 

“Wasn’t going to, you know what this means to mean though that’s all that matters, so thank you” Sam put the frame down on the coffee table and settled back against the sofa. 

The three men sat in silence for a moment, Dean was eyeing up Sam awkwardly trying to nudge him out the room without alerting Cas. It didn’t go quite to plan when Cas sniggered under his breath, coughing slightly to cover it up and Sam, eyes wide, shot up from the sofa and made his excuses. Dean was standing by the fireplace, as he watched Sam leave the room and make his way into the kitchen, where the others were happily chatting away and floating around Jess and her news. 

“That was subtle” Cas mocked, gaining him a half-hearted glare from Dean who suddenly went from stone faced to nervous schoolboy in 0.3 seconds. “You okay Dean?” Cas was concerned by the sudden change in the other mans behaviour.

“Yeah I’m fine I just wanted to give you something without the others sticking their big noses in” Dean huffed, he loved his family but they did like to know all the details, and Dean wasn’t great at sharing. Dean awkwardly sat down next to Cas keeping some distance between them as he reached down into the bottom of the bag and pulled out a small black box. “Before you say anything, I’m not like Sammy okay, no proposals from me right now” Dean huffed a laugh and Cas wouldn’t lie he was some what relieved by that. 

“So what is it then?” Cas asked sceptical of the clearly ring sized box in Dean’s hand. 

“When Chuck was sick…not long before…well you know” Dean paused, he was clearly struggling to find the words to the not very well rehearsed speech. 

“Your speech outside was better than this” Cas laughed placing a hand over Dean’s forearm to calm him down. 

“I know, here, just open it” Dean handed it to Cas without another word. 

The box was heavier than he expected and he was surprised when he opened it to find a single gold band tucked into the cushioned slot. The band was familiar and Cas soon realised when he pulled it free and saw the inscription on the inside just what he was holding. “Forever in the pines” Cas whispered. “This was dad’s ring, my mom had it engraved for him shortly after they got married, she knew how much this place meant to him” Cas could feel the sting from the tears but he wasn’t going to let them fall. 

“He gave it to me, told me to keep hold of it till you came home” Cas’ eyes fell on Dean’s at that. “I wasn’t sure you were going to stick around” Dean shrugged as if answering the question Cas never actually asked. 

“Thank you, Dean, you have no idea what this means to me” Cas took the ring and placed it on his ring finger on his right hand. It meant something but not that, they’d only just kissed for the first time half an hour ago. Cas ran his fingers over the ring twisting it around his finger as if trying to assert its presence there. Cas snapped out of it almost as soon as he’d begun. “I have something for you actually, wait here” Cas made his exit leaving a rather stunned Dean behind. He returned not long after from the direction of the study. “Here, this is for you, Merry Christmas Dean” Cas handed him a large brown envelope that seemed sturdy and reinforced with some cardboard. 

“What is it?” Dean asked slightly confused by the size and shape of the gift. 

“Open it and find out,” Cas laughed sitting down beside him leaning back casually against the sofa cushions. 

Dean did as he was told and carefully, cause it seemed like bending the envelope would break whatever was inside. He lifted the flap on one end and pulled out a wad of large parchment paper, good quality stuff he thought. His eyes grew wide as he turned one of the pages over and saw the brightly painted landscape across the page. This one showed the barn, as he knew it, but there was something attached to the side a sort of conservatory with big glass windows and some sort of seating area inside. The barn had an up cycled piece of driftwood over the doorway that read, ‘Winchester and Shurley education centre’. Dean lifted the page to show the one beneath that had a detailed floor plan of what was titled, ‘Veterinary clinic and rehabilitation centre’. 

“What is all this?” Dean asked as he lifted the next page and found another floor plan this was titled, ‘Café and diner’. 

“I couldn’t sleep the other night and your idea was just going round and round in my head so I had to get it down on paper” Cas explained so casually, as if the gift he’d just given Dean wasn’t the biggest thing Dean had ever received in his life. 

“You designed this for me?” Dean asked his heart hammering in his chest, no one had ever believed in his ideas before, no one except Chuck, but when he’d discussed the idea with him it had been merely a pipe dream. Cas had just presented him with a plan a solid idea of what it looked like in his mind. 

“I developed it slightly from your idea, added a café, somewhere for people to sit and look out across the reserve….oh yeah I added a reserve at the back, we have that plot of land round the back of the barn that I think dad wanted to expand into at some point but never got round to it…I figured we could expand the reindeer paddocks” Cas sat there chatting away and Dean couldn’t take his eyes of him, he couldn’t believe someone would do this for him. 

“So you’re thinking we set up a reindeer rescue?” Dean asked with a glint in his eye. 

“Of sorts…I figured there’s got to be more like those girls you have out there, people using them for monetary gain…abused…alone…lets help them” Cas let his eyes fall on Dean and he couldn’t help the huge grin that appeared on his face. 

“You’re amazing!” Dean huffed. 

“I’m far from it, but thank you,” Cas added taking Dean’s hand in his that had slipped onto the sofa beside him. 

A crash from the kitchen drew them away and Dean shot up when he didn’t hear anyone laughing anymore. 

“Everyone okay?” He shouted through to the kitchen and Sam’s worried voice came shouting back. 

“Dean get in here now” Dean shot up his heart racing, Sam hadn’t sounded like that since he was a kid…since their dad. He shook the thought away and rounded the corning into the kitchen. The back door was wide open the cold air drifting in. Bobby was gone and Ellen was pulling out her phone. 

“What’s going on?” Dean asked, Cas appearing behind him his eyes wide as he followed Sam’s gaze out the window. 

The smoke was thick black and billowing up from the far end of the pine fields. Cas raced outside onto the deck grabbing his coat, the air outside smelt thick and fowl. 

“Someone call 911!” He found himself yelling before racing down the path to catch up to Bobby who was running towards the truck. 

“Already on it, they say to stay away from the fire and wait for them to get here!” Ellen yelled from the doorway. 

“Cas wait, stop!” Dean shouted, Cas was already at the truck about to climb in, Bobby was loading up the back with axes and a few fire extinguishers. 

“Guys stop! What the hell do you think you’re going to achieve with a couple of fire extinguishers and your bare hands” usually Dean would be the one to jump into action but he had to be level headed here. There were the beginnings of a forest fire on their land and they could do nothing to stop it!

“We have to do something!” Cas barked his eyes filling with tears, he would later claim were from the smoke.

“The fire department wont be long, the trees we can replace…. lets go make sure the girls are okay” Dean reasoned pointed back towards the reindeers paddock. It took Cas a moment of contemplation looking out at the horizon where the fire was spreading fast the bottom corner was already covered in thick smoke. Dean was right there really was nothing he could do but watch as his home went up in flames. 

“Fine! Lets go!” Cas ran round the side of the house heading for the barn and the stables and he skidded to a halt in the gravel at the sight of more smoke this time coming from the top of the barn. Cas was so stunned by what was happening the shock catching up to him that he didn’t even notice Dean run into the barn until it was too late. 

“Dean!” He raced after him, he knew exactly where he was going, through the back towards the stables. He was going after the reindeer. Cas stopped short of the door when the smoke finally started filling his lungs. He coughed in the hopes of clearing it out as he tried to follow Dean inside. “Dean!” He pushed through the smoke like it was a thick wall of fog wandering around blindly using his muscle memory to make his way through. He could hear crashing all around him as one of the timbers supporting the roof came crashing down somewhere beside him in the darkness. It was like day had suddenly turned to night it was so thick with black smoke in there. His eyes were stinging as he rubbed his sleeve over his face keeping one hand over his mouth and nose pushing further in. 

“Dean!” he nearly choked on the words as he made it to the far door. He could just about make out the daylight seeping in through the open door at the end of the stable block. There were cries coming from inside, the reindeer were panicking. 

Something grabbed his arm pulling him through the smoke until he was yanked to a stop at the far end of the block. “Cas what the hell man!” Dean snapped his hands were gripping far too tight over his upper arms pinning him in place. Dean was yelling over the loud crackling of the fire somewhere about them. “Get out of here!” Dean yelled as he all but shoved Cas towards the door. 

“I’m not letting you risk this alone Dean!” Cas choked the smoke was filling his lungs and the burning in his chest was becoming unbearable, but he couldn’t leave Dean, his heart wouldn’t let him. “It’s my home too.”

“You stubborn bastard!” Dean muttered but Cas could just about make it out over the commotion in the barn. “Help me get them out!” He barked out like a drill Sargent. Dean ran back into the smoke and Cas could hear the stable doors sliding open and the hammering of hooves on the floor, one of the reindeer came barrelling past him grunting and panting with exhaustion. 

“Cas, get the others!” Dean barked from the darkness and Cas finally found his feet rushing towards the opposite side searching blinding in the black for the latches. His fingers grazed against the wood causing some serious splinters as he found the latches and used all his remaining strength to pull the door open. A mini stampede occurred beside him as the remaining reindeer found their way out into the fields at the back. At least they would be okay. 

Cas stood in one place spinning around wildly in the hopes of seeing through the smoke and finding Dean. “Dean where are you!” Cas yelled into the empty space. The sound of hooves was gone and all that was left was the crackling of the fire. Another crash came from somewhere in front of him followed by the distinct cry from someone he definitely didn’t want to hear cry out. 

“Dean where are you?” He yelled moving towards the sound. He tripped over a burnt out piece of timber and fell into the chest of a man. 

“Dean?” Cas grabbed hold of the person in front of him, but this wasn’t Dean. The person struggled in his grasp trying desperately to get away.

“Get off me!” That voice, he could almost see the shark tooth grin that went with that voice. 

“Balthazar, what?” 

“Am I doing here? I’m finishing what you started!” he yanked himself free from Cas’ grip and ran towards the door. 

“Balthazar!” Cas screamed it was all he could do. He suddenly felt so alone. He was standing in a burning building flames licking up around him, Dean was somewhere in here and he was alone. 

“Focus Cas, find Dean” He shouted at himself. The burning in his chest had reached the back of his throat now. He coughed violently letting the smoke escape. 

“Cas!” He heard Dean cry out from not far away, a wave of relief washed over him. He pushed through the smoke and found a shape in the darkness. There was a glow from the side of him as the fire from above finally burnt through the floor and crashed down beside him, lighting up the area around him. At least with the light from the flames he could spot Dean laid on the floor, what appeared to be more burning roof pinning him to the ground. “Cas, help me get this off!” Dean reached out his hand and Cas instinctively took it, more for support than to actually benefit their escape. 

“Where are you pinned?” Cas asked snapping his hand away from the wood as the remaining flames licked his palm blistering the skin. 

“My leg I cant move it you have to lift it so I can crawl out.” Dean explained, there was fear in his voice but he was holding strong. 

“I don’t think I can…Dean” Cas sounded panicked now as he locked eyes with Dean’s through the smoke. 

“You can do this Cas, you just need to lift it up and hold it for a few second, its going to hurt like a son of a bitch but if you don’t we aren’t getting out of here you understand?” Dean kept his eyes fixed to Cas, his hand wrapped around the wrist of Cas’ already burnt hand. Cas nodded his eyes stinging again, this time mixed with tears. “You got this Cas,” Dean let go of his wrist and allowed Cas to steady himself. 

“On the count of three okay!” Cas looked back at Dean who nodded back at him. “Ready…One…Two…Three!” Cas heaved up the lump of wood the heat burning through his palms, he let out a scream of pain and effort as he tried to hold it. His arms trembled with the weight. “I can’t hold it!” He yelled letting the wood drop to the floor.

“I’m good, I’m free” Dean crawled away from the timber that had had him trapped and Cas knelt to the floor beside him. “We got to get out of here but I don’t think I can walk on this foot” Dean looked scared. Cas didn’t even hesitate he wrapped his arm around his back tucking it under his arm lifting him almost effortlessly, probably the adrenaline, to his feet. 

“I got you” Cas dragged them both towards the door. He glanced at the spot where he’d last seen Balthazar running away. They made it outside and the smoke cleared up around them, they made it as far away as Cas could manage where they could finally breath. 

He dropped Dean to the floor both of them coughing harshly, Cas almost threw up with the strain, the back of his throat burning from the smoke. 

“You okay?” Cas coughed out at Dean who was laid flat on his back looking up at the sky as if he’d never seen it before. 

“I’m good, you okay?” He laid his head to the side to look up at Cas. 

“I’ll be okay, what the hell where you thinking running into a burning building you could have been killed!” Cas snapped, now they were safe he felt it was okay to let out his anger at how stupid Dean had been. 

“I had to get the girls out, I couldn’t just let them die” His voice was low and sharp as he looked back at the sky. 

“Balthazar was in there! He could have…” Cas didn’t finish that thought, he couldn’t. 

“Balthazar! You think he’s behind this?” Dean asked sitting up now at the revelation. 

“Why else would he be here?” Cas shrugged finally finding the courage to look back at the remaining shell of the barn. 

“I’m going to kill that son of a bitch” Dean growled, Cas just looked at him, a part of him felt the same way and another knew Dean would go through with it given the chance.


	16. Quick escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end for notes

The door opened to the motel room. It had seen better days so the squeaky hinge gave away his presence to the other man in the room. 

“What happened? You didn’t answer my calls!” Crowley leapt up from the bed and forced Balthazar to stop in the doorway. Balthazar slammed the wooden door back into its frame, flakes of wall paper fell off with the force of the slam. 

“I got trapped inside the barn, I didn’t realise just how well that stuff catches light” Balthazar hummed his annoyance, barging past Crowley and making his way to the mini bar. 

“You got it done though?” the other man asked hovering over him with an intense look that was only making Balthazar more annoyed. 

“Yes! But they saw me! Castiel…he caught me trying to find another way out the barn” Balthazar downed the small bottle of whiskey he’d pulled from the fridge and hissed in pain. 

“You what! He saw you! Well that’s just great now he’ll go to the cops, what the hell where you thinking?” Crowley growled at the other man, his outburst wasn’t unexpected.   
“I made a mistake okay! At least you’re okay, he didn’t see you did he! I’m the one that’s going to take the fall for this and all because you couldn’t let it go!” Balthazar collapsed onto the edge of the bed with another whiskey bottle grasped in his hands so tight it made his knuckles turn white. 

“Excuse me, you were the one who couldn’t let go…we wouldn’t be in this damn mess in the first place if you weren’t so jealous” Crowley muttered the last bit but he meant it to cause a reaction. 

“Jealous! Me? What a joke! The man’s a has-been, what would I want with him?” Balthazar wasn’t fooling anyone. 

“Yeah a has-been who was up for partner before you and, even worse on your part, didn’t return your attentions” Crowley barked back. This whole thing was petty and he knew it. “You can sit there and drink this all away but you know that the only reason we are in this mess is because he turned you down and it bruised your perfect ego” Crowley finished turning to walk out the room. 

“Where are you going?” Balthazar snapped. 

“I’m getting out of this damn town before the police turn up!” Crowley snapped before slamming the door behind him. 

………………………………………………………………….

Cas rubbed his thumb into the palm of his other hand. The plastic wrap the nurse had applied to his burns was clear and he could see his red raw skin turn white as he applied enough pressure to send a searing pain up his arm. He hissed in pain, he couldn’t work out what was real. He had seen the flames, Dean running inside, the dark smoke swirled and engulfed him. Cas shook the image from his mind as he pressed into his palm again, this time the pain was too much and he pulled back shaking the wrapped hand trying to shake off the pain he’d inflicted. 

“It’s my fault,” He muttered. 

“It’s not your fault, you couldn’t predict what they’d do…none of us knew just how far they’d go” Jess was sitting beside him, the hard plastic of the chair beneath him was causing a dull ache in the base of his spine. 

“How long have we been waiting here?” Cas asked, his watch must have stopped when he tried lifting the beam off of Dean because the small hand was obscured by the crack over the glass.

“Just be patient will you, Sam said he’d come and get us when he was checked over” Jess had been sitting with Cas since the ambulance dropped them off and a paramedic had left them in the capable hands of an unlucky nurse who happened to be walking through the A&E department at the time. 

“How long does it take? I need to get back to New York” Cas whispered the last part, he hadn’t actually discussed it with Jess but ever since he saw Balthazar through the smoke he knew he had to get back to the office. There had to be something there to prove what they were planning he needed to get there before they did. 

“Why New York? You can’t just leave, not now” Jess had heard him, damn it. 

“I need to get back before they do, Crowley is meticulous when it comes to paperwork he wouldn’t have done any of this without some sort of paper trail, I need to get to it before he does…he’ll be panicking by now, Balthazar knows I saw him” Cas stood up and began pacing, he couldn’t wait but the thought of Dean not being okay was keeping him in this small town, he had to know he was alright before he left. 

As if on queue Sam pushed open the double doors at the end of the corridor, he looked a little worse for wear with his hair all out of place as if he’d run his hand through it one too many times. 

“How is he?” Cas rushed toward him and Sam held his hands out to stop Cas before he could over react. 

“He’s going to be okay, Doc wants to keep him in for observation but he should be okay to come home tomorrow…he does have a broken ankle and some severe burning to his legs but the doctor seems positive he’ll recover with only minor scars” Sam spotted Cas’ hands and his eyes seemed to glaze over, “Thank you Cas, for getting my brother out of there, you saved his life” 

Cas shook away his thanks, he didn’t feel like a hero right now, if anything he was the reason Dean was sat in a hospital bed right now. 

“Seriously Cas, if you hadn’t have gone in there after him…well I don’t want to think about what would have happened…so thank you” Sam sounded so sincere and if Cas didn’t know any better he could have sworn the guy was about to start crying. 

“I’m going to go check on Dean” Cas nodded at Sam and the man seemed to shake away the tears finally spotting Jess who was now standing just behind Cas letting the two men have a moment before she flung her arms around the taller man. 

Cas wandered into the back of the A&E department, it was a quieter part of the hospital reserved for trauma recovery. The rush of the A&E Department behind him fading away as he grew closer was a relief to the anxiety in his chest. He came upon Dean’s room and taking a deep breath he pushed open the door. 

Dean was laid out in the bed with his foot hanging in a sling to keep it elevated. There were similar wraps around his legs where the severe burns were evident. His breath was caught as he came closer letting his eyes wander over the damage and up towards the peaceful features of Dean’s face. He was fast asleep and a part of him didn’t want to wake him, to just let him sleep through, but he needed to say goodbye. 

“Dean?” Cas gently placed a hand over his shoulder trying to tussle him awake. 

“He’s out for the count honey, we had to knock him out to reset the ankle. Are you family?” A nurse that appeared from behind the curtain startled him. 

“Um…No, he’s my…friend” Cas hesitated, sure they’d kissed and he could feel the heavy metal from his dad’s ring but that didn’t mean anything more serious…did it?

“Well, you’re welcome to sit with him but he’ll be asleep for a good few hours” She smiled warmly at him like only a nurse could. 

“Thanks…actually, I have somewhere I need to be quite urgently, would you mind…would you please tell him I stopped by when he wakes up” Cas felt nervous, it was ridiculous and his whole being wanted to stay and sit by his bed side till he woke up but he needed to get to New York. 

“Of course, what was your name?” She asked moving towards the door. 

“Just say, Cas stopped by, tell him…tell him I’m sorry” He added and her eyes softened into sympathy for the clear guilt that spread across his face. 

“I’ll tell him…but can I just say something” She asked hesitantly and a quiet nod from Cas pressed her on. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, he’s going to be okay” her attempt to reassure him were well meaning but nothing could shift this guilt. 

“Thank you” Cas wasn’t going to tell her that though. “I need to get going.” He pointed at the door and carefully manoeuvred around her. 

Back down the corridor he could see the rest of the family had turned up and were talking to a man in a white coat, probably the doctor. It was his perfect opportunity to escape so he snuck around a team of tired looking nurses and made his way out into the street and hailed a cab. He wasn’t going to risk going back to the house, he didn’t want any of them to stop. “Nearest airport please”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am So sorry it's taken over 2 months to update this story! I've had a lot going on at work and then my mum got sick and then this weird pandemic happened to its been a hectic few months. But the only good thing about this lockdown is that I get to spend more time writing now so I'll be updating this over the next few weeks till its done. It is nearing the end now but dont worry the fluff and happy ending is coming.


	17. Goodbye?

When Dean finally woke up he couldn't help the sharp intake of breath as he tried to move. The pain in his leg was bearable with the right balance of pain meds and gritted teeth.

He knew where he was, he was conscious enough during the ride in the ambulance to ask after Cas.

"Cas?" the name slipped from his mouth before he could register who was even in the room.

"Hey, you're awake" definitely not Cas' rough gravel voice. Instead a flash of red caught his eye and he managed to focus in on the soft smile from his dear friend.

"Charlie? How long I been out for?" Dean struggled to sit up, but as soon as he showed even a glimps of pain Charlie was there beside him fluffing up the pillow on his back.

"I'd say a good twelve hours... You missed Christmas" Charlie sounded genuinely upset by that fact, more so it seemed than the fact Dean was laid up in a hospital bed with a broken ankle.

"Forget it, there's always next year" Dean half laughed because his heart wasn't really in it. Charlie was his best friend and its not like he didnt want her there... There was just someone else he'd rather have seen.

They sat in silence and the elephant in the room seemed to sit right on top of them as Charlie watched him with those soft motherly eyes that screamed sympathy. Dean hated it but also kind of missed it when she wasn't around.

"He's gone" She whispered after the elephant became to heavy. Dean stayed quiet letting the information settle. His eyes wandered over to the window, the sun was high in the sky and blinding, making the watery sting in his eye even worse.

"I was probably just deluding myself anyway" Dean wasn't going to cry that wasn't him. He'd been left behind before this was no different, he was used to it by now. "Suppose he went back to New York?" he asked, already knowing the answer but not really wanting to leave the subject of Castiel.

"We assume so, he didn't tell anyone he was going, just hopped in a cab and left" Charlie sounded pissed but her voice remained mostly soft for Dean's benefit.

"Did he say if he was coming back... Or?" Dean hesitated, did he really want to know the answer to that.

"I don't know Dean, he hasn't returned anyone's calls... I'm sorry" Charlie was rubbing his arm now, he found the touch comforting but he wasn't going to let on that he was as bothered about the whole thing as he really was.

"Probably for the best, least now we can move on, rebuild" Dean's chest tightened as the memory came flooding back. "The girls!" he shot up in bed making as if he wanted to race out the door. Probably wouldn't get too far on his leg but the urge was there.

"They're fine, Bobby rounded them up and walked them down to his place, he's got them tucked up in one of the empty garages for now" Charlie chuckled at the image of a group of reindeer milling about with the broken cars.

"Good, thank god" Dean tried to settle back down but the pain was becoming unbearable. His eyes scrunched close and he did everything to tense the muscles in his leg to stop the pain.

"Dean, you're not okay, let me get the nurse" if he had a protest it was lost the moment he tried to speak when another sharp pain knocked him back.

The nurse came trotting in with a fluid bag and syringe, of what Dean hoped was high dose morphine. She worked quickly and efficiently, there was no doubt she'd done this before.

"There you go Mr Winchester, that should start working soon. " she smiled that nurses smile at him and if he wasn't already inclined to one blue eyed architect he'd maybe give her a wink.

"Thank you... Sorry I didn't get your name?" he wasnt going to be rude, Bobby brought him up better than that.

"My names Sally, it's good that you're awake... Last guy that visited got a very one sided goodbye. " She chuckled at her own joke that was lost on both Dean and Charlie who was watching the exchange with the same look of fake amusement and confusion.

"I'm sorry, what now?" Dean asked, she stared back at him with her own confused look now.

"Oh my gosh I totally forgot! You know if it wasn't attached I'd forget my head sometimes... Could have sworn I'd told you... Anyway, that other fella, cas I think his name was, that came to see you earlier he wanted me to say he's sorry". She paused looking over at Dean seemingly waiting for the information to suddenly register like some secret code but when she got nothing she carried on. "He said to tell you he'd stopped by, he couldn't stop though said he needed to be somewhere" she explained. 

"So he did come to see you at least, that's decent of him I suppose" the scoff wasn't evident but he could hear it in her voice, Charlie was very protective of Dean's heart. 

"If it helps he was pretty upset when he saw you, seemed to be blaming himself for what happened" the nurse, Sally, added. She seemed good intentioned but it wasn't getting past Charlie. 

"I'm sure he was really cut up, enough to run back to new York" Charlie crossed her arms, the scoff was audible now. 

"Charlie! I'm sure he had a reason, he wouldn't just leave without..." Dean sighed and he couldn't help drifting back to the kiss. Soft lips pressed against his own the sweet smell of Cas, that seemed like a mix of cinnamon and parchment paper. 

"Dean, he hasn't responded to anyone he just disappeared, the only reason we know he went to New York is because he was muttering about it to Jess before he left. " That was new information, Dean snapped his eyes to Charlie. Sally seemed to note the change and took her leave making her vague excuses. 

"what did he say?" 

"Does it really matter? Guy left you in a hospital bed after his colleagues burnt your barn to the ground and tried to kill you" maybe that was an exaggeration but the first part was true. 

"Tell me what he said Charlie!" Dean rarely got angry with her, she was pure joy 99.9% of their lives. This was the small 0.01% he never saw. 

"I'm just trying to protect you Dean!" 

"From what? If there's a small chance Charlie you tell me what he said or so help me god I'll..." 

"Okay fine! Don't get all wound up... He said something about finding evidence, he said that crowley likes to keep a paper trail so he's hoping they'll be some evidence back at the office" Charlie huffed it out like it was a massive defeat for her. 

"So he's coming back!" Dean couldn't help the grin. 

"I don't know! Dean please don't get your hopes up, I was there the last time this guy left I don't want to see you go through that again... Chucks not here this time to pick up the pieces" Charlie added almost as a whisper but she intended for Dean to hear. 

"It's different now, I know him, he's coming back... And if you're right... Well I guess I'll just have to fly up to New York and drag him back kicking and screaming." Dean gave her his signature grin, something mischievous always seemed to follow that grin.


	18. New, New York City

Cas had flown back, the flight wasn’t that long and he arrived into JFK late evening. It was the perfect time to sneak into the office because everyone would have gone home for the night. He hailed a cab as soon as he stepped out of the airport. He slipped the driver an extra bill to get him there a little faster.

New York was busy, typical for this time of year. A burning rage seemed to bubble inside him, more than usual. Being away seemed to have increased his annoyance with the city. The Christmas lights were still up in the windows and as they passed by Times Square he could see the metal structure being constructed ready for New Years Eve. The ball drop was a tradition, one he had been to watch once, the first year he had arrived. He remembered standing in the crowds of people watching the large flashing ball of light slowly sliding down, signifying to end of the year. For Castiel it was more significant. It was the end of his life back home and the beginning of his new life in New York. At the time he had been buzzing with excitement at the anticipation of his new life. Driving past now, seeing the same symbol he’d seen all those years ago, he wasn’t excited anymore. This wasn’t home anymore.

“We’re here fella.” The driver broke him out of his thoughts and Cas shook his head into gear. He was here for a reason. Handing the guy a fistful of notes he climbed out the car and looked up at the towering building before him. It was the same as every other high rise around it, grey, square and foreboding. At least that’s how Cas had felt that first day at work. He was terrified of messing up and having to go home. Now looking up at that same building he only felt a strong ache in his chest, an ache for home.

“Hey! Watch it!” Cas was slammed into and he fell forward, glancing up all he noted about the guy shouting was that he was well dressed and pissed off. He felt a sting in his eyes as the dull ache that seemed to be pulling him home increased.

“Sorry.” He hadn’t meant it, but it’s all he could muster and just like that the guy was gone, lost in the crowd, just another anonymous face in the city. It wasn’t like his home town, there he could walk down the high street and be six feet away from any other person. He could also tell you the name of any person he passed and at least a half dozen facts about that person’s life. In that moment, he missed Dean.

The elevator doors opened up onto a mostly dark office. The security lights were the only thing that lit the way as he maneuverer around the cubicle desks and over to the side offices. It had taken Cas about two years of service to work his way out of his cubicle and into the big leagues. He was thrilled the day he had moved into his current office, he had reached for the brand new phone on his large modern desk and hesitated with the receiver in his hand before putting it down. He had wanted nothing more than to call his dad and tell him he’d been promoted, a part of him wanted to prove him wrong. Cas glanced into his dark office as he passed down the corridor. So much had happened since that morning he got the call from Bobby telling him about his dad.

He let the moment pass as he slowly moved down the corridor, stopping a moment in front of Crowley’s door. Taking one last sweep around the open plan office space in case he’d missed a desk lamp on somewhere. He pushed the door and was reassured to find it still open. Crowley really needed to look into better security for his office, especially if he kept anything incriminating inside. Cas looked around the room, it was scarcely decorated, with a simple glass topped desk and a small bookshelf under the large bay window that looked out across the city. There were limited places that any paperwork could be hidden so he began checking all the books in the hopes that Crowley had hidden some paperwork inside one of them. That revealed nothing so he moved over to the desk and that’s when he spotted a key locked draw, that seemed to have been installed on the top of a set of unassuming draws under the desk. If he was going to hide anything you’d think it be in a locked space.

He searched around for a key but there was nothing, it was too dark in the room The only light coming from the flashing lights of the Christmas tree in the square below, that hadn’t been taken down yet. He cursed under his breath and tried to yank the draw free to no avail. He decided his best bet was to take out the draw beneath it and try and jimmy the lock from below. A metal ruler was his weapon of choice as he jammed the corner into the bottom of the draw and rattled it around until he heard a distinct clunk.

“Yes!” He hissed out in a whisper. He still couldn’t risk being caught out.

The draw came free and right there on the top was what appeared to be a contract and written across the top was the name of the ranch. “Bingo.”

The door of the office swung open and a flood of light hit Cas in the face, he spun round to face the intruder.

“Castiel? What are you doing in here?” Naomi’s voice filled the silence. Naomi was the big boss, she was the one that had promoted him up after she saw his potential and she was also the woman who had given him the time off when his dad passed. She was a fair boss to a certain extent but she was considered cold to most of the workers.

“Naomi! I didn’t think anyone was still working?” He asked, his voice shaky, he’d been startled by the noise and his heart was racing. How exactly was he going to explain this.

“You know me Castiel, my work stops for nothing” She seemed to chuckle at herself but Cas couldn’t help feel sorry for the woman. It wasn’t long ago he’d fallen into that trap of staying late at the office and arriving early in the morning, with no real social life in between. It was kind of sad. “You didn’t answer my question, what are you doing back? I thought you weren’t returning until the New Year?” She asked, her eyes moving towards the contract in his hand.

“Um…I’m not…that is I’m not supposed to be back, its just Crowley you see…I was coming back up to get some paperwork from my apartment and he asked if I’d stop by the office and pick up something from his desk before heading back” Cas hadn’t realised what a good liar he was when put on the spot. Lets just hope she bought it.

“Oh the contract you mean, I told the idiot to take his copy, it has been a while since he gave the other one to your father” Naomi waffled on, and it caught Cas off guard, what on earth was she talking about his dad for. She seemed to be still talking but Cas wasn’t taking any of it in.

“Wait, my dad’s copy?” He asked the confusion evident on his face.

  
“Well yes, I assume that’s what you’re here for.” She asked eyeing him with a confused smile. When he didn’t answer she continued. “Well I assume your father’s copy got lost, I mean it has been ten years since he signed it.” She wasn’t making any sense but Cas needed an out and quick so he had to go along with it.

“Yeah, that’s right, the contract, sorry I got confused for a second I thought you were talking about the other contract” Cas didn’t even know what they were talking about anymore but that seemed to satisfy her.

“Well obviously you’ll need to sign both of them if indeed your father left the land to you? I’m assuming he did?” She asked with the same beaming smile back on her face.

“Yeah of course, Dad’s copy got lost in all the mayhem, I was just going to bring this one back for Crowley…don’t worry, we’ve got it all in hand…” Cas coughed awkwardly the stack of pages now scrunched up in his fist, as he hadn’t realised how tight his grip had become. “…Well I best be heading back, I promised I wouldn’t be away too long, I was planning on getting the next flight back out.” Cas pointed out the door behind her and seemingly waiting for her permission to leave he crept closer to the door. He kept the contract close to his side holding onto it like it would blow away as soon as he passed Naomi. She nodded at him with a great big smile and used her arm to guide him out the room.

“Of course, you will let me know when everything is sorted wont you, we’ve already had a long enough delay on this project as it is.” She spat out a laugh and Cas awkwardly laughed along with her, unaware of what exactly was so funny.

“I will be in touch soon” He added as a reassurance and made his quick escape, he got what he came for. At least he hoped he had. Going off what Naomi had said it seemed there was more to this than he first thought and how exactly was his dad involved.

He raced back out onto the street and it was like he could finally take a breath. He hadn’t realised he’d been holing it since he left Naomi upstairs. The contract hung loose in his hands now he could relax. It was enough for him to finally take a proper look at the front cover.

_Contract of deal agreement _

_Shurley Farm_

What was this? He wondered. He’d have to get Sam to check it out when he got home. Home, Dean, the wave of emotion was almost too much. He’d left Dean behind.

Cas pulled out his phone and sent off a text as quickly as his fingers could type in the bitterly cold New York wind.

_To Sam:  
Meet me at the airport, I’ve found something I need you to look at, will explain more when I’m home._

_From Cas_

He locked his phone and took a deep breath. Hailing another cab he raced off into the city streets once more, this time heading for home.


	19. It all makes sense now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly longer chapter than usual, its also the big explanation one so I'm sorry if its a little boring. I tired to make it as exciting as I could whilst also explaining it. So I hope I've made it exciting enough to enjoy.

Dean had been released from the hospital for a few hours now. Sam had come by to pick him up, dropping him off back at the house before he rushed out somewhere. He hadn’t really caught where he was going but he suspected it was Jess related and left him to it. To be honest he kind of wanted the time alone. As much as he liked to put out that he was tough, he had been through a serious event.

Dean was laid out of the couch, the same one Cas had slept on that first night. The same night he’d pulled Cas’ boots off and pulled a spare blanket over his sleeping form so he didn’t get cold in the night. He knew Cas suspected someone removed his shoes but at the time he didn’t have the courage to tell Cas he’d done it. His stupid crush and his stupid pride had prevented so many years of potential happiness. Now they had a real chance at happiness and Cas had jetted off to New York without a second thought, at least that’s what he’d assumed as soon as he found out Cas had gone. He had been kicking himself ever since for jumping to such a conclusion. Cas had changed and Dean hadn’t realised until recently that a huge part of that change was because of his own admissions.

His mind was replaying the moment his lips fell on Cas’. Warm and soft, it was everything Dean ever thought home would feel like.

“Damn it!” Dean growled sitting himself up with a start running his hands through his hair. He was unsettled. Charlie had called him when he got home and demanded he get some rest but he just couldn’t fall asleep no matter how many reindeer he counted in his head.

Cas was gone and he didn’t know when or if he was coming back. Charlie hadn’t sounded hopeful and the same hope that Dean had felt in the hospital was slowly slipping away the longer he went without hearing from the other man.

Dean grabbed the crutches that the hospital had given him when he left and clumsily got to his feet letting the one wrapped in a cast hang loosely just above the wooden floor. He was still getting used to walking on the metal sticks but he needed to get out the house, everything here was just reminding him of Cas, which made him think of Chuck, all in all it just made him sad.

His venture outside didn’t do much to help his mood. He could still see the remnants of smoke at the bottom of the field where the fire had broken out. They would have to head down there at some point and assess the losses. Trees would grow back but it would cost money, money that Dean didn’t have at the moment.

The barn wasn’t much better. The blackened exposed roof beams were hanging down in jagged angles, mostly where the flames had burst through the top in search of oxygen to fuel it. He struggled over the gravel drive up the hill and round the back of the barn where he could see the herd quietly grazing in the backfield. He was so grateful that he’d managed to get them out before something more serious had happened. He couldn’t live with himself if they’d been hurt. Dean paused at the wide open door that not long ago Cas had dragged him through to safety.

Why was he feeling so damn guilty about this? Dean’s jaw was clenched as he surveyed the damage. He knew they’d have to scratch the whole thing and start a fresh. Luckily the second smaller stable block had been unharmed in the event. Silver linings he supposed.

Dean took a stumbled step into the charred mess using the end of the crutch supporting his good leg to brush away some of the debris in his path. His chest hurt, it was tight like he couldn’t breath, much like it had been inside the barn. He could still feel the weight of the beam pressing down on his leg and the look of sheer terror in Cas’ eyes when he couldn’t lift the beam on first try. He couldn’t face thinking about what would have happened…Dean paused not wanting to think too much on the what ifs.

“Hello?” The voice pulled him out of the dark spiral he was at risk of falling down.

“Who the hell is that?” Dean wondered aloud, it wasn’t a voice he recognised.

He made his way back down towards the house as quickly as his unsteady legs could carry him. It was when he rounded the corner of the barn and spotted the man at the bottom of the hill that he skidded to a halt on the gravel.

“Son of a bitch! What the hell are you doing here?” Dean snarled, his voice carried further than he thought possible with the damage to his throat from the smoke. It was still sore and scratchy when he spoke.

“Now, now Deano calm yourself, I’m not here to cause a problem” Balthazar yelled back in a calming tone making his way up the drive till he was mere feet away from Dean. If he came any closer Dean was likely to swing for him with his crutch, perhaps they were more useful that he first thought. Dean growled again.

“Calm myself? You kidding me! There’s going to be a problem here soon if you don’t get the hell out of here” Dean stepped forward, as menacingly as he could considering his condition.

“I mean you no harm” Balthazar raised his hands in submission and took a step away from the approaching man.

“Hell you don’t! You tried to kill me!” Dean waved his arm at the mess of the barn behind him as if that was evident enough.

“Now lets not be too hasty”

“Get out of here now or I’m calling the police. I’m giving you the opportunity to get a head start here, which is more than you deserve” Dean growled.

“I understand your upset but hear me out first, I think you’ll be quite interested in my deal” Balthazar risked a step closer.

“Deal? What the hell do you have that I could possibly want to make a deal for?” Dean was pissed but a part of him was curious.

“I know where Crowley is hiding out, I can give you not only him but also his entire plan to bring you and Castiel down.” Balthazar explained. Dean hesitated, looking the man up and down, he would naturally be calling the police as soon as he’d explained his deal but he wanted to let the guy believe for just a second he could possibly get away with burning their livelihood to the ground.

“I’m listening, but make it quick!” Dean leant on his crutch and allowed the man a platform to speak. Knowing that his thumb was hovering over the 1 on his mobile phone hiding in his pocket.

“As you wish, yes I set the fire! But! Before you say anything I didn’t intend for either of you to get hurt, you must believe that. I am after all quite fond of Castiel and it would pain me if any harm were to come to him,” Balthazar sounded genuine but Dean couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that rose up his chest. “Besides it wasn’t exactly my idea…you see Crowley has a problem, one that couldn’t be fixed with a contract or a deal.” Dean eyed him carefully, the look of confusion much have been evident because Balthazar pressed on.

“Years ago, your good friend Chuck was in desperate need of assistance. At that time Crowley was working in the town, our company thought it was a good investment to set up smaller commercial businesses in these small towns, to help them develop you see.” Balthazar huffed out a breath, he seemed to be annoyed by the whole mess he’d found himself in. “ Anyway, Chuck came to him for help, mostly he asked for a loan but that’s not really how we do business…so Crowley offered him a deal, he would give him the loan to get the farm up and running again…it had fallen into a state of disrepair after his wife died, but I’m sure you’ve heard that story.” Balthazar began to pace back and forth, his hands waving in front of him as he explained. “As repayment for this loan, Chuck signed a contract allowing him ten years on the property at which point all the land and subsequent businesses be turned over to Crowley and the firm.”

Dean had heard all about Chuck’s problems after his wife died, he’d had to watch Chuck break down the day he told him the story. Seems Chuck had left out the part about leaving the whole damn farm to some scheming dirt bag.

“Why should I believe you? You tried to burn down our barn!” Dean snapped, he was confused and angry it wasn’t a good mix in his experience.

“That’s where the problem arose you see, Crowley followed Castiel down here after he learnt of Chuck's death. Looking to settle up no doubt. When he arrived however, he noticed an error in his original contract. You see it was a standard template that the office used at the time, it had a get out clause. Despite the whole deal being very backhanded and what Crowley thought had been amended had in fact…not been.”

Dean was even more confused now, “What are you on about?”

“Its very simple Dean! There was a clause in the contract that stated that in the event the person receiving the loan passed away before the ten years was up, the deal would be struck off…If! And this is a big if! If the land had been left to someone else in his will.” Balthazar stopped pacing and faced Dean head on, he watched him carefully as he saw the cogs turning in Dean’s head.

“You mean? Because Chuck left the property to Cas…and me! That means Crowley’s deal was over?” Dean couldn’t help the smirk on his face and the simple error in paperwork that had caused Crowley to go to such extreme measures. “Wait hold on! But why then would he go to such extremes to get this place? What’s so special about our old farm?” Dean muttered and Balthazar raised his eyebrow at him with a mocking tone.

“Oh don’t get your hopes up, there’s nothing special about this place." That comment stung Dean, of course it was special, special to him at least. "Crowley was so hell bent on getting Castiel to sign it over, as the new legal owner of the damn place, because he’d put all his eggs in one basket so to speak…our boss, Naomi, bit of an ice queen if you ask me…had been promised not only the land but a huge chunk of the profits once the place was sold off… our ‘big business’ hasn’t actually been doing too well over the last few years, she needed the land for a big development deal.” Balthazar huffed again.

“You guys would go under if the deal didn’t go through?” Dean asked putting the final pieces of the puzzle together.

“Exactly!” Balthazar collapsed onto the edge of a fence in defeat.

“Did Cas know about this?” Dean asked, suddenly feeling betrayed. The contract he’d found before, what if Cas had known all along and was actually thinking of going through with it.

“No, not at all, it wasn’t exactly public knowledge, no one wants to admit their business is in danger.”

"If that's all you came here to say..." Dean motioned down the drive, giving Balthazar one last chance to get away before he pressed call on his phone. 

Balthazar let his head roll back and looked up towards the sky, knew his gig was up. He knew it even more when he heard the distinct sound of a finger dialling the final number.

Dean lifted the phone to his ear his eyes locked on Balthazar the whole time.

“Police, please and make it quick.” Dean spoke with such confidence into the phone and the defeated man before him knew the game was up.

.............................................................................................................................................................

Cas had seen Sam almost instantly in the arrivals terminal at the airport, it wasn’t difficult when the guy was a giant amongst a sea of average sided people.

“Come on, we better hurry, Dean’s probably wondering where the hell I got to” Sam grabbed Cas’ only bag and sped off towards the car. Cas had to break into a jog to catch up.

“Sam, hold on I have news” Cas shouted after him.

“Fill me in on the way back” Sam opened the passenger side door for Cas before he jumped into the drivers seat and speeding back towards town.

They sat in silence for most of the drive, up until they passed the ten mile marker for town and Sam turned to Cas who was gazing out the window with a pulled brow and seemed to be deep in thought. He almost felt bad for startling the man when he finally spoke.

“So what’s this big news? You find something in Crowley’s office?” Sam had heard from Jess not long after Cas had disappeared that he was probably back in New York looking for evidence.

“I found something” Cas looked out the front window, with that same look of deep thought on his face.

“And…what was it?” Sam pressed, he knew Cas needed his help, probably in his capacity as a lawyer he just couldn’t imagine what.

“I found a contract” Cas began.

“What contract? The one Crowley wanted you to sign?” Sam asked and Cas shook his head vigorously in response.

“No, no, not that contract another one, one my dad signed…Its hard to explain, but it makes so much sense now.” Cas muttered the last part, it was for his own sanity as he was trying to piece everything together.

“I wish _you’d_ make some sense and soon, we’re nearly home.” Cas’ heart seemed to relax at the word, home, he was going home. Dean would be at home, where he left him. He was feeling guilty about that but it would make sense in the end and he had a sudden newfound urge to get home and explain everything.

“My dad signed a contract with Crowley after my mom died, it was a deal of sorts, Crowley would lend him some money to get the farm up and running again and after ten years Dad would sign over the land to Crowley and the business.” Cas spat it out as if he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“What? So the land doesn’t belong to you and Dean, it belongs to... your boss?” Sam asked suddenly feeling the fear for his brother, he knew how much that place meant to him and he couldn’t imagine what he’d do without it.

“It would have done, if my dad hadn’t died when he did…there’s a clause in the contract, that’s where you come in.” Cas added mid thought. “From what I understand it appears that if Dad died before the ten years were up and left the land to someone in his will, the deal would be made obsolete.” Cas explained, he reached into his bag and pulled out the contract he’d stolen from Crowley’s office.

“That’s why Crowley was so desperate to get you to sign that secondary contract, he must have discovered the clause too late and panicked. Damn Cas, he manipulated you good.” Sam seemed to chuckle but there was no humour behind it, he was pissed.

“I didn’t sign it though did I!” Cas snapped, he knew how close he was to losing everything his father had built and he was already wracked with guilt over how he left things with his dad all those years ago. It made sense now. His dad didn’t want him to leave because he didn’t want Cas to work for the same people that were trying to steal his livelihood. “I made a mistake, I should never have left home” Cas whispered, it was for his own admission of guilt.

“We’ll swing by my office on the way home, I’ll look over the contract make sure its legit…someone’s going to have to tell Dean” Sam mumbled, Cas knew it too and he was already feeling the anxiety of having that conversation with him. He knew he’d be pissed, he had almost signed away their whole life and he wouldn’t be as forgiving about it this time round. Cas thought back to the kiss for a fleeting moment. He hoped to god Dean didn’t change his mind about them, he’d finally found a home in Dean and he wasn’t about to give it up without a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always please let me know what you think, I hope it wasnt too boring to read I tried my best and it was a difficult one to write which is why it took me a bit longer to upload than the last chapter.


	20. Carry me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't write smut on principle, mostly cause I don't read it myself so I don't like writing it into my stories. I hope people are okay with this.

Sam was driving down the high street of the next town over from their hometown when something caught Cas’ eye out the side window. It was hard to miss when the blue flashing lights had been left on the top of the squad car.

“Wait, Sam, pull over!” Cas was already readying himself to jump out the car, seatbelt off and his hand gripped over the door handle.

“What? Why?” Sam, confused by the sudden outburst from his previously silent passenger obliged him anyway and pulled over just shy of the police car parked outside a motel. “Hold on, that’s Jody!” Sam followed suit and jumped out the car with Cas rushing towards the familiar face of Jody Mills. Jody had been the sheriff for their town since Sam was a kid, he remembered playing pranks on her when he’d see her in town. It would usually consist of some well-timed egg shots and a moment of madness when Jody wasn’t paying attention.

“Jody? What you doing out here?” This wasn’t her usual coverage area, which is why they were both surprised to see her so far from home. Granted they were only in the next town over but the further from the big cities they got the further out the towns became from one another.

“Boys? I could ask you two the same question, hey I thought you’d gone back to New York?” There was a hint of malice in her voice as she pointed a finger at Cas who stopped in his tracks suddenly feeling the flush of shame rushing to his cheeks.

“Yeah he was but he just got back I was driving him out to the farm when he spotted you and asked me to pull over.” Sam explained.

“Well, its probably a good thing you stopped when you did, I was going to call Dean afterwards but I may as well tell you guys now….We caught the guy responsible for the barn fire.” Her tone changed, she was no longer talking to a friend but a victim of a crime. “Found the guy hiding in this motel, got a tip off mind you, Dean called me about an hour ago says the other guy…Balthazar or something…he turned up at the farm looking to make a deal, but you know our Dean always doing the right thing.” She chuckled but she also knew the seriousness of what had happened.

“Dean called? Is he okay?” Cas spoke now, the first time since he’d told Sam to stop. His heart jumped at the mention of Dean and his skin had gone ice cold when he’d heard that Balthazar had shown up.

“He’s fine, he’s Dean after all, dude can handle anything.” Cas scowled at the comment. He knew Jody knew Dean well, had known him since he was a kid and knowing Dean’s history and how they met it wouldn’t have surprised him if Jody had bumped into him in a professional capacity at some point in his youth. He also knew that Dean struggled just like anyone, he was just a bit better at hiding it that’s all.

“Where is Balthazar now?” Sam asked drawing the conversation back to the crime.

“My partner arrested him first, he ratted on Crowley as soon as he was in cuffs and in the back of the squad car.” She tutted at the idea that these guys were daring enough to even consider committing a crime in her town, let alone against someone she cared about.

“I need to get back to Dean” Cas muttered to Sam, it wasn’t like he didn’t trust Jody but he also didn’t want her to gossip if she made any assumptions.

“Alright Cas, sorry Jody we need to be heading back…but hey, thank you for catching them.” Sam pattered her arm in thanks.

“No worries Sam, it was all Dean anyway.” They smiled at each other, an unspoken understanding passed between them before Sam jumped back behind the wheel.

“Home?” Sam asked looking over at Cas.

“Home” He quirked his lip at one side in a half smile.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Dean was struggling out of the study when he heard the car pull up in the drive. He wasn’t expecting anyone and the officers had already taken his statement, so who could possibly be at his door.

He heard the car door and the footsteps on gravel turned to footsteps on the wooden decking outside the front door. He froze in the doorway to the living room, a wad of paper clutched tight in his hand when he saw Cas come barrelling through the front door and racing up the stairs.

“Dean!” Cas’ gruff voice carried throughout the house as Dean just stood in total bewilderment listening to Cas search all the rooms upstairs before thundering back down the stairs stopping in the open doorway when he saw Dean.

“I like how you thought I was upstairs” Dean scoffed using the crutch on his good side to tap the plastic boot covering his injured foot.

“Right…sorry, yeah…I should have thought” Cas’ face was blushed red as he fumbled his words.

“Don’t worry about it Cas, you weren’t here to know” Dean scolded himself internally for that comment, he didn’t mean to sound so crass. “Shit, sorry Cas I didn’t mean that.”

“No, don’t apologise, you have nothing to be sorry for…besides you’re right, yet again” Cas huffed a laugh at that. How many times had Dean got him spot on over the last few weeks.

“What can I say, you’re a predictable guy” Dean laughed but there wasn’t much humour behind it.

“You’re mad at me” Cas stated moving further into the room but drifted off towards the window, there he could see Sam on the phone to someone leaning against the side of the car.

“No, not mad Cas…just disappointed” Dean was sitting on the couch now, paper hanging loosely in his grip and avoiding all eye contact with the man in front of him.

“I’m sorry Dean, I should have waited for you to wake up…I should have…I should have said goodbye”

“Yeah well you didn’t”   
  


“So you are pissed at me?” Cas snapped.

Dean just hung his head and sighed deeply, he really didn’t have the energy to fight and to be honest he wanted nothing more than to just wrap his arms around Cas and hold him tight.

“No Cas, I’m not pissed…but you could have maybe called, dropped a text, anything just to tell me you were safe” Dean stood up from the couch, his crutches forgotten on the floor as he limped a few steps closer to Cas. It wasn’t far to close the gap and before either of them realised Dean was standing in Cas’ personal space.

“I am sorry Dean…you must know, I always intended on coming back…on coming home” Cas looked up to meet his gaze and he felt the tears begin to form.

“You stubborn fool, you’re as bad as your father…I’m starting to see why you two never got on” Dean knew he was touching on shaky ground but the half smile he received from Cas told him he was okay to continue.

“Speaking of your dad…I found something” Dean was so close now his voice was just a whisper and his breath brushed warmth against Cas cheek. He held out the paper he’d been clutching to and let it fall into Cas’ hands.

“You found the contract?” Cas’ eyes went wide, he of course had Crowley’s copy but it was always going to be better for them to have both copies with both signatures to make their case against Crowley.

“I found the contract” Dean stated. “And there’s you jetting all the way back to New York to find the one thing that was right under your nose the whole time” Dean tutted at him with jest.

“I didn’t know it was right under my nose” Cas swatted Dean’s arm in playful annoyance.

“No you’re right, but I managed to do twice the work in half the time without even leaving the farm” Dean was smug and Cas was reluctant enough to let him have this win, for both of them.

“Fine, I concede, well done Dean” Cas paused his eyes drifting off behind Dean somewhere deep in thought for a moment before he came back, “I heard about Balthazar turning up, you okay?” Cas had seen Dean’s eyes back in the barn fire he knew how scared he had been.

“I’m fine Cas, honestly you don’t need to worry about me” Dean took a chance and places his hands over Cas’ arms pulling him in that bit closer.

“What if I want to worry about you?” the suggestion was in his tone as Cas smiled up at Dean.

“Well if you spend all your time worrying then there wont be time for anything more important” Dean’s own tone turning suggestive.

“Oh yeah, like what?” Cas asked but he didn’t get the chance to hear an answer before Dean caught his lips with his and pulled him in tight Dean’s hand wrapping around Cas’ shoulders holding him close. Cas pushed back with all the passion he could, slowly he pushed his tongue against Dean’s lips and before long the kiss had become so much more than the sweet moment they’d shared on the deck no less than a week before.

They eventually pulled apart but Cas’ hands were still tangled in Dean’s red and black plaid shirt that hung loosely over the tight black t-shirt he loved so much.

“Come on” Cas suddenly jumped away grabbing hold of Dean’s hand and tugging him towards the stairs.

“Slow down, peg leg over here, where are we even going” Dean laughed and pulled Cas to a stop by the door.

“Thought that was obvious” Cas smirked.

“I’m not going up the stairs, I can barely walk” Dean scoffed looking at the steep incline behind Cas.

“I’ll carry you” Cas said it as if it were the most obvious choice in the world. Dean just stared at him trying to assess if he was serious or not.

“You’re joking, you’re not carrying me” Dean crossed his arms over his chest but before he could even comment he was being lifted up. One arm wrapped under his legs the other lifting his torso so he was flush against Cas’ chest. “This is ridiculous Cas there is no way you are getting us both up those stairs, the stairs aren’t wide enough to begin with.” His feet suddenly not being on the floor anymore startled Dean but he played it cool.

“You’re right, as always” Cas winked carefully putting Dean down but suddenly he was being lifted again, this time his whole body was being flung over Cas’ shoulder and his legs were caught in Cas’ tight hold. Guy was certainly stronger than he looked.

“Damn it Cas put me down!” Dean was slamming his fist against Cas’ back but it was doing no good as he carried them both towards the stairs. It was at this moment that Sam decided was a perfect point to walk in and interrupt them.

“Sammy!” Dean blurted out and Cas turned to see the new comer, who he’d completely forgotten was still on the phone outside.

“I just came to say…What on earth?” Sam motioned to Dean with his brow creased but Dean just shook his head at him with that ‘bitch face’ look he often gave him. “I wont ask, I just came to say I’m heading out to meet Jess, I was going to ask if you wanted any dinner bringing back but I think you’ll be okay.” Sam couldn’t help the smirk that pulled on his lips at the sight of his brother in such a ridiculous position.

“Laugh it up Sammy, now get lost will you” Dean snapped and Cas took his cue to head upstairs. The door to Chuck’s old bedroom slammed shut behind them.

It was their room now, dad wouldn’t mind he thought, as he threw Dean on the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are coming to the end of what has been a very long story and I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone that has read this little endeavour and has managed to stick with me. I know I havent been the most consistent in my upload schedule. Unfortunately life got in the way of that. We finally made it thought, this chapter is just the tie in to the ridiculous amount of fluff that is coming soon in the final chapter. 
> 
> The final chapter will be uploaded on Wednesday the 22nd so keep a look out. I promise it will be up. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading and if any of you are fans of X-Men or the Cherik ship then please check out my new story I've started working on that I'll be uploading to a little more frequently than this one (Now I'm stuck in a lockdown and have the time)
> 
> Dont worry it's not over yet! They have to get their happy ending dont they?!


	21. Intruder alert

Cas woke up late the next morning. They had slept in, naturally, and it was already well past 11am when he looked at the clock next to the bed. He could feel the weight of something pressed across his chest and he couldn’t help the smile that formed when he looked down to find Dean’s arms flung loosely over him. Glancing across, Dean was laid flat on his front, his head turned to face him sound asleep. Cas could see the trail of drool on his chin but he’d never tell Dean that, he didn’t want to embarrass the guy. He didn’t want to wake the guy either, but the slam of the screen door downstairs was enough to startle them both out of their slumber.

“What the hell was that?” Dean bleary eyed and still half asleep shot up in bed.

“There’s someone in the kitchen” Cas muttered, his eyes showing his confusion and shock at an intruder in their house.

“You want me to go check?” Dean asked looking over at Cas, who just tilted his head at him as if it were the stupidest idea he’d ever come up with.

“Like you can fend off an intruder, peg leg” Cas muttered under his breath and Dean smacked his bare chest playfully in mock annoyance.

“Fine, you go!” Dean was smug and he knew it.

“Fine!” There was a teasing tone to his voice but he hesitantly climbed out the bed, grabbing his jeans from the night before and sliding them on. At least if he came across an intruder trying to rob them he would look semi decent.

“You got this!” Dean whispered as Cas creaked the door open and peaked down the stairs. He couldn’t see anything to begin with but the voices began to circulate the house and he couldn’t quite make them out because they were hushed tones.

“There’s more than one!” Cas quickly shut the door and came to hover near Dean, he felt safer beside the other man.

“Shall I call the police?” Dean asked sceptically.

“We cant, we left our phones downstairs remember” Cas huffed, it was all a heat of the moment thing last night and he was beginning to regret their haste cause now they were in real trouble.

“One of us is going to have to go down there” Dean muttered and Cas glared at him again.

“Ugh, this is so stupid” Cas sulked back to the door creaking it open once more. Taking a step out into the corridor he hung back at the top of the stairs peering down. “Hello?” He shouted down, he wasn’t quite sure what to expect, if it was a burglar they weren’t likely to holler back. “Hello? Whose down there?” He added.

Relief washed over him as a familiar face popped their head around the corner at the bottom of the stairs. “The hell you standing up there for boy, get your butts down here, we have a surprise for ya” Bobby disappeared into the kitchen as quickly as he’d arrived. Cas couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips. Peering back into the bedroom he shook his head at Dean.

“It’s bobby!” He laughed out.

“Bobby? What’s he doing here?” Dean asked confusion clear on his face.

“No idea, he said he had a surprise…you think you can handle the stairs of do you want me to carry you again?” Cas smirked at Dean who threw a pillow at him in response. He could probably use the railing to take the steps one by one.

“I’ll meet you down there” Dean huffed. Cas nodded grabbing a fresh shirt from the draw as he made his way downstairs.

Rounding the corner to the kitchen he was surprised to find, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Sam and Jess all seemingly working on something. Bobby and Sam were bringing boxes of pre-cooked food into the kitchen whilst Jo, Ellen and Jess began plating things up and putting others in the fridge for later.

“What is going on down here?” Cas asked his eyes wide at the sight before him.

“We’ve come to celebrate, we heard about the arrests and we wanted to surprise you…and besides we never did get to have Christmas dinner” Ellen began holding up a plate of torn up turkey pieces.

“Think of this as Christmas 2.0” Jo patted his shoulder as she passed with what looked and smelled very much like an apple pie.

“Guys, this is incredible, thank you so much” Cas could feel the tears in his eyes. It had been a long time since he’d had a family and here he was standing in his kitchen on New Years Eve celebrating Christmas day 2.0. His heart swelled as he watching his family work in quiet unison. Jess was beside him in a moment, abandoning the bunting she had been untangling in place of wrapping her arm around his waist and leaning her head against his shoulder.

“You okay boss” She whispered not wanting to others to hear their private moment.

“Yeah, I think so” Cas leant down and kissed her forehead using his free hand to wrap around her shoulder. He couldn’t help the smile as his eye caught the glistening of a shiny stone wrapped around her finger. “I think I’m going to quit” Cas finally spoke and Jess pulled away slightly to look at him, clearly confused but his statement.

“You mean the firm?” She asked.

“Yeah, after everything I cant work for them anymore…I know now why dad didn’t want me going to New York and its not the reason I thought…I cant go back there knowing what they did to him” Cas explained still holding his now ex-assistant close.

“What will you do?” She had a twinkle in her eye as she was clearly hoping she knew what he’d say.

“I think I’ll stick around here for a while” Cas muttered smiling at his family. Jess snuggled in close again feeling content with the family she had also found in their time spent here. “I was thinking, Jess, now you’re no longer my assistant I was wondering if you’d do me a favour” Cas began and she really had no idea where he was going this time.

“Anything, you know I’d do anything for you” She added with a smile.

“Good to hear, see me and Dean have this plan…but we cant do it alone…we’re going to need a good manager to run this place cause after all I’m just good with a pencil and Dean, well all he knows how to do is lug a tree” Cas laughed at the memory of meeting Dean for the first time. “So I was wondering if you knew any good managers that were thinking of sticking around town” He nudged her playfully as her eyes grew wide with joy.

“You’re joking!” She let go of Cas in place of standing in front of him with her hands clasped over her mouth. “You’re serious?” Cas just nodded in response and she was on him in a second. Her arms wrapped tight around his neck squeezing him close.

“I take it that’s a yes then?” He laughed and he felt her nodding furiously into his neck.

“Yes, yes a million times yes! Thank you so much Cas! You don’t know what this means to me” She released her grip on him and bounced off into the kitchen to where Sam had been watching them with a curious eye.

“I think I do” Cas muttered to himself as he watched Jess gleefully explain the plan to Sam who hugged her tight in response. Sam looked over at Cas and with a wink he thanked Cas without saying a word.

“What did I miss?” Cas hadn’t even noticed that Dean had hobbled down the stairs and was now standing in place of Jess beside him.

“We’ve found ourselves a new manager” Cas pointed over at the ever excited Jess.

“Really? So you are planning on sticking around then?” Dean nudged Cas playfully.

“Cant think of anywhere better to go” Cas shrugged it off as if it weren’t as big a deal as it actually was. Barely a month ago his life had been so different, he had a job in the city and that was it. Now he had a future to look forward to with a man he loved. Cas paused at the thought looking over at Dean with a twinkle in his eye.

“What you looking at me like for?” Dean asked putting his hand round Cas’ back.

“I just…Dean…?” Cas hesitated unsure if now was the right time, it felt right and he knew if he didn’t get it off his chest now he’d never say it. “I love you,” He whispered but the grin that spread across Dean’s face told him he’d been heard.

“Damn it, you big idiot” Dean laughed pulling Cas close letting their foreheads press together.

“That’s your response!” Cas sounded annoyed but the smirk still plastered on Dean’s face was reassuring him.

“Nah, this is” With that Dean leant in close and pressed his lips to Cas’. The kiss only lasted a moment but it was filled with all the love Dean felt for Cas and he felt it too. Pulling away Dean pressed his hand to Cas’ chest hovering just over his heart. “I love you too.”

The boys stayed there for a while just holding each other close, completely forgetting the craziness that was happening in the kitchen around them. Until suddenly Sam smacked Dean across the back, whilst balancing a plate in his free hand.

“Come on love birds, we’ve got a smashing New Years Christmas Eve to celebrate!” Jo announced following the family out the front door all carrying plates and bowls with them.

“Merry New Years Christmas Eve, Dean”

“You too Cas”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised it would be uploaded on wednesday and here it is...cant believe I managed to stick to an actual deadline for one. 
> 
> I have one more chapter going up later tonight, I just wanted to make a few adjustments to it. 
> 
> I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone that's read this story and commented, its really kept me going. It's been a difficult few weeks with this lockdown and some family troubles and writing these stories has been a good distraction over the last few weeks. It's a big relief to know other people are enjoying them as much as I've enjoyed writing them. 
> 
> Thanks again you wonderful people and I'll see you all tonight for the final chapter of Pines and Plaid. 
> 
> *Stop it I'm getting all emotional*


	22. Weddings and more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff beyond.....

**18 months later**

The summer was at its peak, which meant there weren’t many customers at the farm looking for a Christmas tree. Dean didn’t mind though, he shook the feedbag letting the little pellets fall to the floor in a half circle. The girls dug in chomping up the treat and Dean stroked the nose of Cassie, she had become his personal favourite reindeer over the last few months. She had taken to chasing Cas through the paddock whenever he came in to do a demonstration for the kids and Dean couldn’t help but howl with laughter every single time. Today was no different.

Cas pulled his blue and white plaid shirt tight over his chest doing up a few buttons. Dean had insisted on opening up his shirt by half way, muttering something about modesty and the countryside not going together. He suddenly felt a strong nose push into his back sending him gently forward towards the crowd of kids and their parents that were waiting patiently on the other side of the fence. A chorus of snickers came from the kids and Cas gently shoved Cassie’s nose away letting her eat a few pellets from his hand as a distraction from shoving him again.

“So as you can see these reindeer’s certainly have personalities, this is why it’s so important that we rescue them…they deserve the individual attention that a Christmas side show just couldn’t provide for them.” Cas had the kids transfixed on his every word. He really loved his job and it made it that more special that these kids were learning something.

Dean hopped the fence with such ease that he caught Cas’ sideways glance and a warm smile that was reserved just for him. Dean decided the rest of his chores could wait a few minutes more as he watched his partner in business as well as life.

“Hey, look who it is!” Dean hollered as he saw Jess approaching, tailing behind her was a half crouched Sammy who was currently testing all his patience as the tiny legged human, all bow legged and wobbly, tried to walk beside him.

It hadn’t taken long for Jess to announce she was pregnant, which had put their speedy nuptials on hold for the time being. Little Mary Diana Winchester was only 9 months old but she was already attempting the whole walking thing and Dean couldn’t be prouder of his niece. She could do no wrong in his eyes and he spoiled her rotten as his brother's first child and baby girl.

Jess scooped Dean into a hug and they both watched with a fond smile at Mary as he reached out her free hand towards Dean. He reached his arms out and she walked straight into his arms, lifting her up with ease and resting her against his chest.

“Oomph, you’re getting big now little miss, you trying to be bigger than your daddy?” Dean tickled the baby and she squealed with glee trying to grab his hands with her tiny ones.

“Speak for yourself Dean, that man of yours must be feeding you well” Jess prodded his side, which he had to admit he had gained the odd pound here and there but that was a sign of happiness in his eyes.

“Hey! Watch it Mrs Winchester, Sammy sort your wife out” Dean nudged her.

“Soon to be wife!” She corrected.

“Yeah, well you’ve been family since day one, this is just a formality” Dean half joked. He had been sceptical at first when Sam had proposed that first Christmas together but they had proven just how perfect they were for each other and it warmed his heart to see the product of that love. Little Mary was reaching out her hand over Dean’s shoulder looking over at something behind him. She was trying to say something but it was hard to make out actual words. She had mastered mamma, which had annoyed Sam to no end, Dean hadn’t heard the end of it yet.

“What you saying missy?” Dean asked craning his neck over his shoulder to see where she was looking. Behind him his eyes fell on Cas who had let the families into the paddock to start grooming the reindeer. It was part of the package, meet the reindeer and learn how to take care of them, followed by lunch at Charlie’s diner. They had converted the old stables into a diner a few months back and it had been the hit of the town since the grand openings less than a month before.

“You wanna see uncle Cas?” Dean asked her and at the sound of Cas’ name she squealed in delight and the adults couldn’t help but laugh. Cas reached them and placed his hand over the small of Dean’s back using his free hand to play with Mary’s outstretched fingers.

“I’ll take that a yes then” Dean chuckled handing off the infant to his boyfriend.

“I swear she likes you more than me sometimes” Dean moaned and Cas cooed at him before kissing him gently on the cheek.

“She loves you too, I just happen to keep sweets in my pocket for such occasions” Cas mocked taking a wrapped baby biscuit out his pocket, unwrapping it he handed it to Mary.

“Traitor” Dean narrowed his eyes at his niece who just giggled over a mouthful of biscuit at her silly uncle.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Dean asked turning back to his brother and soon to be sister in law.

“We came for some lunch at the diner, but we actually wanted to ask you guys something first” Sam sounded nervous, like the day he asked Dean to be Mary’s godfather.

“Sounds serious” Dean turned, his tone serious as he faced his brother crossing his arms in true big brother style.

“No, nothing to worry about, we were just wondering if you guys would be free this time next week…and could we borrow your barn?” Dean’s expression must have thrown Sam off cause he felt he needed to explain. “Don’t worry, we wont destroy it, we know how much work went into rebuilding that thing…no we were wondering if it would be okay with you guys, if we had our wedding here…in a week” Sam sounded sheepish like Dean could possibly say no to that.

“Hell yes!” Dean jumped on his brother grabbing him in a bear hug. It had been a long time since he’d been able to lift his brother off his feet in a hug but he gave it a go.

“Dean, put me down!” Sam yelled and the others just howled with laughter at the two oaf brothers. “Is that a yes then?” Sam asked.

“Hell yes!”

“Is that all you can say?” Jess laughed.

Dean shrugged and with a quirked lip replied, “Hell yes.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A week later they held the wedding in the Shurley, Winchester barn that had been rebuilt since the fire that had nearly destroyed them. Dean entered the barn and his breath was taken away at the sight he saw. Not only was Cas up a ladder with a flash of exposed skin showing where his shirt was riding up. The barn was decked out with clear string bulbs in a zigzag across the tall ceiling and down the makeshift aisle were fairy lights leading to a branch woven archway.

“When did you do all this!” Dean’s voice was pitched just a tad higher than usual due to his shock and awe at the work Cas had done.

“I’ve had a week to prepare, Dean” Cas lowered himself down the ladder till he was face to face with Dean, looking around at his handy work. He hadn’t done too bad, even if he did say so himself.

“It looks incredible”

“You sound surprised, I’m a designer by profession” Cas said with mock hurt.

“You’re an architect and you don’t even do that anymore…it’s hard to describe really what you do now!” Dean chuckled as he pulled Cas close to his side and they admired the beauty of the room around them. “Really does look great babe, you’ve done a good job.” Dean kissed his cheek and rubbed a reassuring hand over his shoulder.

“You think they’ll like it?” Cas asked with worry in his voice.

“Hell yes” They both burst out laughing. “Come on you, we gotta get ready, they’ll be here soon.” Dean ushered Cas towards the door following close behind. He couldn’t help the last look over his shoulder with a warm smile.

The wedding was beautiful and Jess was gorgeous. She wore a simple drop waist gown with a sweetheart neckline that had white roses embroidered all the way down to the floating skirt. There were white roses all over the barn to match the pale coloured fairy lights over their heads.

Dean wouldn’t admit to anyone that he shed a tear when they said their vows. Jess retelling the story of how they met and Sam telling the story of when he first knew he wanted to spend his life with her. Apparently they’d had lunch at the old diner and talked about Dean. The crowd laughed and cried, apart from Dean, that’s what he told anyone that dared ask anyway. Cas wasn’t going to even attempt to mention that he’d seen Dean cry when Jess walked down the aisle and then again when they shared their first kiss as a married couple. He certainly wasn’t going to mention to Dean that he’d seem him wipe away a tear when Mary toddled down the aisle with the help of Ellen, dressed in her white floral flower girls dress as she threw rose petals on the ground.

Emphasis on the throwing part.

They had taken the after party outside where Bobby had set up a BBQ and Jo and Charlie had set up a make shift dance floor out of hay bails. More fairy lights, courtesy of Cas and Ellen was busy fussing the guests making sure they all had a drink.

The night drew on and everyone was either up dancing or chatting loudly by the drinks table. Dean was laughing at Jo as she tried to recreate the dance routine from footloose and ending up getting her foot caught in her bridesmaids dress. That wasn’t the best part, it was when she went flying over a hay bail and landed dangerously close to a water trough that made Dean howl with laughter.

It was drawing close to midnight when Dean realised he hadn’t seen Cas for some time. The last he saw him he was talking to Jess at the edge of the dance floor. He hadn’t interrupted the pair, as it seemed like they were having an intense moment.

“Excuse me a minute…” Dean shouted over the loud music at Charlie and made his way over to Ellen who was still handing out drinks. Ever the mother, he thought. “Hey Ellen, you seen Cas lately?” Dean shouted in her ear so she could hear him, grabbing her arm gently so she knew he was there.

“I think he went over to the house for something, said he’d be right back” She shouted back and Dean glanced up at the house where he could see the porch light still on and a light shining through the living room window.

“Thanks Ellen, hey give this a rest for a while go have some fun” Dean commanded, he knew it would land on deaf ears but he could try.

“Go find your man and stop bothering me” She jested as she shoved him with her free hand back towards the house.

Dean wandered over, still laughing at Ellen. It was a warm feeling that consumed him as he looked back over his shoulder and spotted his brother, new wife carefully wrapped in his arms dancing slowly to the music. He was so busy watching what was behind him he didn’t see the person coming towards him until he was slamming right into his chest.

“Oomph, Dean! Watch where you’re going!” Cas scolded him but there was no malice to his voice.

“Hey, I was looking for you where did you jet off to this time?” It was a running joke now between them, whenever Cas went anywhere, even if it was to the kitchen and back without Dean realising he’d ask him where he was jetting off to. A little throw back nod to a time that seemed so long ago now.

“I just needed some air” Cas was lying and Dean knew it but he wasn’t going to press him on it.

“You wanna take a walk?” Dean asked pointed to the pine tree field that now showed very little remnants of the damage once caused by the fire.

“Sure, why not” Cas seemed to perk up at the idea. Dean laced their fingers together slowly and pulled him down the slope until they were deep amongst the pines. They’d created a gravel path through the trees that lead to a number of seating areas, inspired by the bench that Cas once found that first week after finding out his father had left his whole life to both him and some scruffy farm hand. Without speaking they moved to sit on the bench that was the highest point of the field and looked out over the smaller trees.

“You okay?” Dean asked pulling Cas close against his side, as it was slightly cooler out here than back at the barn.

“Yeah, just thinking” Cas muttered, his far off gaze had given him away.

“What about?” Dean asked carefully. It had taken Cas some time to get over the guilt he had surrounding his father’s death. He let Cas take his time and never pushed him. It was one of the things Cas loved about Dean.

“First time I came out here after dad died…I’d just yelled at you about dad leaving half the farm to you…I felt so bad, I was so cruel to you.” They’d had a conversation similar to this before but Dean never stopped him.

“It’s in the past though Cas, look how far we’ve come, look what we’ve built from it” Dean said with such passion as he looked back at the business they’d built together, mostly from scratch and with hard work and determination.

“I know and I’m proud of what we’ve done here, I couldn’t think of a place I’d rather be than here…with you” Cas wrapped his other hand over their entwined fingers looking right at Dean with warm eyes.

“Me either Cas, I love you” Dean added, it wasn’t something they said often and when they did it always sent a rush of warmth through Cas’ chest.

“I love you too…”

“Hold on why am I sensing a but…are you breaking up with me” There was mocking in his voice but a part of him was genuinely concerned for a second. Until Cas shook his head wildly at him and cupped his cheek placing a chaste kiss to his lips to reassure him.

“Hell, no” Cas smirked.

“Why the hesitation then?” Dean asked.

“I guess I’m just scared…You’re happy right?” Cas asked and Dean nodded with a concerned look on his face. “Marry me” Dean’s heart stopped as he shook his head, thinking he was dreaming for a second.

“Wait what? You’re serious?”

“Deadly serious, I love you Dean and seeing Jess and Sam today, they’re so happy…they knew right away that they would spend their lives together!” Cas stopped looking out over the trees trying to avoid Dean’s eyes.

“When did you know?” Dean asked, his question threw Cas it wasn’t what he expected.

“When did I know what?”

  
  
“When did you know you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me?” Dean asked with a smirk on his lips he was winding Cas up and he knew it but he couldn’t help but play along.

“You’re a jerk you know that right….ugh….fine, I’ll play your game…I knew the moment I saw you that first day, lugging a Christmas tree through that netting machine, I thought right there that’s something I’d happily spend the rest of my life watching” Cas got a smack to the arm for that comment but they both laughed.

“Seriously, when did you know?” Dean turned serious once more and Cas had to answer him honestly.

“The morning of dad’s funeral actually” Cas said, Dean gave him a surprised look. “Really! I came down to find you making coffee in the kitchen, you had on that green tie that matched the colour of the trees and you looked so nervous…you had put in so much effort to make that day special for my family…our family” Cas amended looking deep into Dean’s green eyes the same green eyes that matched that ridiculous tie.

“Really, and here I thought it was those pancakes?” Dean laughed.

“They helped” Cas smirked back. Laying his head gently on Dean’s shoulder they looked out over the horizon, the music from the barn a distant buzzing.

“I knew for certain the day I found out it was you that takes my shoes off and covers me with a blanket whenever I fall asleep on the couch” Cas hummed against him at the memory.

They stayed silent for a while neither of them daring to speak but also completely content to sit in each other’s presence.

“You never answered my question” Cas whispered against Dean’s shoulder, he turned resting his chin on the top of his shoulder smiling up at Dean who had a fond smile and a distant look in his eye.

“You need me to say it?” Dean asked seriously.

“It’d be nice to get some clarification at least” Cas trailed off but was cut short by Dean’s lips on his, they were soft and gentle and very close to how their first kiss had felt on the front porch Christmas morning.

“Hell yes,” Dean pulled away ghosting his answer against Cas’ lips.

Cas burst out laughing laying his head on Dean’s shoulder holding him close.

“You idiot”

“Love you too Cas”

Cas and Dean married the following month, not wanting to waste anymore time. The morning after the wedding Cas wandered out onto the porch looking out over the pine trees, his eyes fluttering closed. Dean joined him by his side wrapping his arms around him pulling him close. This was where they shared one more kiss, one of many more to come.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to all who've read this story. It's been a true pleasure to write this and I hope I've done the story justice in that ending.


End file.
